I found my black bonnet!

(If you didn't catch the earlier post about my "black bonnet" this probably won't make a lot of sense.) I remembered the other day that we got these pins at the hospital and the little note with them read:

"The Mourner's Ribbon -- This ribbon represents your journey of mourning. Moving forward through this journey is often aided by sharing your story. When you wear this ribbon, you invite others to ask about your loss. Each time this happens, you affirm the life of the lost baby you mourn and decide if this is a person with whom you wish to share."

At first I didn't want to wear it, but I think I found my black bonnet!

Katelynn and Mommy's First Day of School

Okay, it wasn't an "official day of school", but it sure felt like it! For both of us!
Katelynn and I are attending a weekly, 2-hour Parent Co-op Preschool for 2 year olds. There's ten mom/kid pairs and during the 2-hours, there's an hour long parent segment where we meet together and are taught by a Pierce College instructor on all sorts of relevant topics. Katelynn will get to play with the other kids and the child instructor ("Teacher Kim") doing all sorts of things she'd never get the chance to do at home.
Katelynn was so excited for "school" but I think that was also because she thought she'd get to ride the school bus! We were a little late to our first day (we're still getting used to having to be somewhere in the mornings!!) but I just had to snap a photo on our way out the door! And since I knew this would be going in the photo album next to all the future first day of school photos, I had to take one that showed some perspective of how small she is! She's so cute!!

4 Weeks ago today...

"The mention of my child's name might make me cry.
Not mentioning my child's name will break my heart."
- Author Unknown

I just posted a journal entry on Kristen's website. I wasn't sure if I should post it here or there, but since it has so much to do with her, I thought that was a good place for it.

Where's my black bonnet?

What an odd day! I'm not quite sure how to articulate the sentiment I want to express because it is so wrapped up in such a weird day....I'll try anyway! (bear with me!)

This evening after the Prayer and Worship night at our church - which I didn't really WANT to go to, but felt I NEEDED to go to so I did, I was visiting with two friends and a comment was made that made the rest of my day click! I was sharing with them how I find comfort in being around groups of people that know my story and at least recognize me as "that lady that lost the baby" because I don't have to wonder if they know. I feel any of my behavior, demeanor or comments would be "understood" because they'd know where it's coming from. But today Katelynn and I went to our first day of parent co-op preschool. Out of the 9 or so mom/kid pairs there, I only knew one from MOPS. To the rest of them I was just a stranger like they were to me. I left there feeling rather lonely because I had just spent 2 hours with these ladies and no one knew "my story". No one knew why I wasn't lifting Katelynn up during one of the songs, (I can't lift anything more than 20 lbs for another 2 weeks), and I felt like I had a "secret identity" that no one knew. For the last three, almost four weeks, this whole ordeal has been in just about all of my conversations in some context, and I've come to find comfort in just talking to people, knowing that Kristen will eventually come up in conversation. But today it didn't. Granted, today was the first day with going over rules, policies, procedures, etc. Yet, it kind of took me by surprise. But then again I didn't get to know any of their stories either....

So back to my conversation with my friends after the service...
(click the post title to read the rest)

After sharing about my experience at the preschool compared to my experience at MOPS just two days ago, Stephanie made a comment about 'can't you see me wearing my heart on my sleeve? I'm hurting and you have no idea!' That's when it clicked for me - our culture doesn't recognize mourners how we used to. We don't require those in mourning to wear black for a certain period of time. I looked it up online and in the 1800's it was expected for a mourner to wear black for upwards of 2 years! (including the black veil for women!) They weren't even supposed to attend social events or enjoy entertainment because it wasn't thought to be "compatible with genuine sorrow." Although I don't want to wear black for 2 years (I hesitated even wearing black to Kristen's service!) and social events help remind me that I'm still alive and give me a chance to see people, I like the idea behind WHY they did it:

"A mourning dress is a protection against thoughtless or cruel inquiries....With such, garments of mourning are "an outward sign of an inward sorrow."

So, I am glad I don't live in the 1800's and have to wear black for 2 years, but there's something to be said about having and "outward sign of an inward sorrow". In the Bible there's lots of ways that people showed sorrow that I wouldn't opt for myself :) but it did give those around them an idea of what they were going through. I think I'd look a little funny wearing a black bonnet or sac cloth and ashes, but maybe a little sign that says "handle with care" or maybe even "caution! mourning mother and postpartum woman-will talk your ear off if given the chance!" Hmm...maybe I should make a button...? :)

Okay, I may not make myself a button. I just am actually more comfortable once people know of our "inward sorrow." Even if/when I'm not outwardly expressing it, I'm still feeling it. It's still part of who I am. I don't want it to be the only thing I ever talk about, but right now it's just so real, it comes up! And I like to know the people around me won't be surprised when it does.
I just don't want to be that crazy lady at the grocery store telling the cashier my life story just to have someone to relate to or talking to street signs or trees because all the people have heard the story before! So if you see me going in that direction, please stop me! I don't want to embarrass my family!
:) ...I gotta go to bed! It's been a long day! And I told Kevin it was going to be a quick post....yeah, that was about an hour and a half ago! oops!

A healing day at MOPS

Monday was our first MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting of the year. This is my 3rd year and my first year NOT in charge of something! I got to go as "just a mom" and that was really nice. I didn't have any problems taking Katelynn up to her room or coming into our meeting room and finding my table. It was just like last year, and it felt "normal". It was when I saw the other mommies with carseats and their new babies that I realized it wasn't going to be "normal" anymore.

You see, my first MOPS meeting I ever went to I had 6 week old Katelynn in a front pack and loved the attention I got when you have such a little baby. I only went to 3 meetings with her that small, then the group was over for the summer.
(click the post title to read the rest of the post)

So I had envisioned what it would be like to come to MOPS with a brand new baby just a few weeks old, to have other moms want to come see/admire her, hear them ask "how old is she!?" and know that my friend Heather E. would be waiting for her chance to snatch her up! (she has a baby addiction and will hold any baby she can get her hands on! :)) It was that moment I realized I wasn't getting the chance to show my baby off like I had planned and dreamed about. At the same time a friend came up and put her hand on my shoulder and asked "how are you doing?" I replied, "I was fine until I saw the babies" and that was all I could get out as the tears took over. I later had to explain to her that it wasn't that I didn't want to see babies, I'm still a mom, I love to see babies! (who doesn't!?) But this wasn't how I had envisioned coming to this MOPS meeting...empty handed.

During the meeting they had the moms that had babies over the summer break come up to the front for a special little gift and they included me, which felt very honoring to Kristen and me too. Although Kristen wasn't a new MOPS baby, she WAS born, and I DID have a baby....now I just have an angel. It's been hard having had a baby yet losing her so quickly because there wasn't much time for people to offer their congratulations on her birth. (We didn't get much time either to celebrate her birth, which was kind of what we did at her service, but the event still happened because of her death.) Having her birth recognized and honored like that was very healing. I too forget the joy that her birth brought us in the midst of the sorrow that her passing has brought.

The rest of the meeting went really well. There were lots of moms coming up to see how I was doing, some were even surprised I was there at all. But I couldn't imagine NOT being there! I need those ladies, those moms. I love my table of ladies that I am sitting with and I am really looking forward to getting to know them this year.

At the end of the meeting my friend Jen shared with me that although my heart was breaking over not being able to show Kristen off at MOPS, that she WAS being shown off, admired, passed around and held in a way that our MOPS moms could never compare. (sorry, ladies!). :) And although that made me cry some pretty big tears, what comfort it brings me still!

I will continue to grieve this loss as moments and events come and go not how I had envisioned them, crying "this isn't how it was supposed to be". But I have to remember that those events and moments ARE being played out in a way that I could never imagine!
1 Corinthians 2:9 (from the message)
No one's ever seen or heard anything like this,
Never so much as imagined anything quite like it—
What God has arranged for those who love him.

Pretty in Pink

We have so many amazing photos of our little angel! We can't thank our "photographers" enough for what they did for us. I couldn't imagine being the one to take the photos, but they did such an impressive job. I am still sorting out who took what photos and when, but if you want their contact info I can get it to you. They're all amazing women!
This was one of the photos that Patti Ramos took of our sweet Kristen. (all Patti's photos are copyrighted, so if you want to use one please contact us or her, thanks) Then I did a little editing to it and added the poem. I am putting this in the picture frame that my MOPS Moms gave us, that has a photo on the left and Kristen's footprints in clay on the right in a shadowbox. I'll post a photo of that too when I a get a minute. But wanted to share this with you now. The blanket, my friend Kelly had made for Kristen and it stayed with her from the moment I got to meet her (about 3-4 hours old) until we said goodbye to her. She was the talk of the NICU with her "bling blanket"! (it is super soft and the other side is pink and brown silky fabric! Kelly got it from www.ribbonandsoul.com ) I loved seeing her all swaddled up in her little crib/bassinet and then the nurses would lay this blanket over her. It made her look "dressed up". :)
I love this photo because is shows how little she was and her beautiful, thick hair!

Thoughts from this side of the wave

I've been wanting to post to our blog for a while now and it hasn't been for lack of content I can assure you of that! It's more a lack of words. Emotions don't seem to translate too well in raw form. I actually have a running list of things that I want to post to the blog when I either have time or words. I found it kinda funny that I was able to post so much right after Kristen's death, but now three weeks later, I'm at a loss for what/how to write. (Granted, I had lots of help with a 2.5 year old and help around the house) I guess life just feels harder to articulate now that the excitement has calmed down and it's just me and my thoughts.
But I am constantly reminded that this process, or "grief work" as some call it, will come in waves and we just have to ride the waves for what they're worth. Some waves will be predictable, others will be rogue waves that will knock us over board. And each of those waves has something for me that I can learn and grow from. This last week hasn't had any major waves, but the water has been very turbulent. It was my first week with Kevin going back to work and Katelynn and I on our own. We stayed pretty busy, but with being busy I tend to ignore the waves....
(click the post title to read the rest)


Tuesday, I visited with a friend and her 2.5 year old daughter and we had some good conversation while the kids played. Wednesday we had a play date with another 2.5 year old and Katelynn got to jump on a trampoline for the first time! (Thanks Sarah!) Then Thursday I had a check up with my midwife where I got to ask some questions that had been weighing me down. (I'll blog about that visit soon) Later that evening I spoke with our "Grief Companion" from the hospital about 'how I am doing' - which I'll blog about later, too. Then today a friend came over with lunch, a smile and her 6 week old baby boy that I still hadn't met yet. I got to hold him while he slept on my chest for more than an hour and a half! We had joked at Kristen's service that he was going to be my therapy baby! There were a couple of moments that I had flashbacks but I think I did pretty good. No uncontrollable sobbing or freaking out! :) Then as the evening was coming to an end, the waves that had been quietly lapping all week began crashing in and I lost it. We knew this week was going to be a tough one, but I think I was hoping to fill it up with "stuff" so I wouldn't feel it....yeah, note to self, that doesn't work! For those that know me, allowing grief to be unpredictable and just letting it run its course and not having "control" over it is not my way of dealing with things! :) I got a note from a friend that's been down this road before and I hope she doesn't mind me sharing part of it but it was so timely. I was sitting down to try to put some thoughts together and she spoke directly to where I was/am:

I would just encourage you to continue to ride those waves of emotion and let them run their course. The Lord has always been faithful with a time of peace and comfort after each wave…even the ones that felt like they would take me under…He would always speak a word to my heart and there would be a calm…it’s only when I would try to “manage” the pain or fight against it that I would feel really out of control. I’m not sure if any of this makes sense or not. But, I guess the simplest way to say it is what we said to you in the hospital, that one of the nurses that had been through the same thing had said to us, “It sucks…just let it suck”. There is hope and there is comfort and the constant pain won’t always be this intense, but you just have to let the emotion work its way through and give yourself permission to just be where ever you are.

I think "out of control" would be a perfect definition to my week emotionally, and the more I try to "manage" it, the worse it gets! So if someone asks me how I am and I answer "out of control" that's a good thing!! :)

It's funny, looking back, all the times that I've had any clarity to write at all has been after a wave, in the slightest moment of comfort or peace that came after the wave swept over me.....then comes the next wave and I don't write for another week! :) I'll try to do better and write before, during and after the waves!

P.S. Kristen would have been three weeks old today!

On the lighter side.....

So thanks to our friend Jen, we found a really funny website. All you do is upload a forward facing photo of yourself and poof........a yearbook photo from 1950 to 2000. Tara's is from 1990, Kevin's is from 1980 and Katelynn's is from 1974. The website is yearbookyourself

Have fun.

We all figured everybody needed a good laugh.

Kevin

From the Alps to the Amazon....how'd I end up here?

Our church blog has a place where we're encouraged to post our own comments on what the "Word for the Year" means to us. I thought I would share what I posted there:
Word for the Year -- From the staff prayer and planning time for 2008, "Faith, Life Journey with God" was born. The Lord clearly revealed that the year ahead called for a lifelong perspective of our relationship with God. The reality of our faith, our lives and our journey is that God will be faithful to reveal himself as we faithfully pursue Him! Each year, there are numerous stories of lives that have been impacted by God through the Word for the Year. Share with us how it has impacted your life!

I had great plans for "my journey" this year; where my dreams were going to take me, what I'd do, all the fun I'd have. Of course I'd find ways to say it was all for God's glory, but that's just semantics. We were expecting our 2nd baby and thought we knew where our journey was headed, thought we had this "life" thing down, and faith...sure we had faith. (click the post title to keep reading the post)

But there was a different journey set out for me/us to travel. And the journey began. We lost our little girl three days after her birth and my life plans all flew out the window - I was on a journey, no doubt! I don't believe God wanted it to be this way, but He sure wasn't going to let me go it alone. He knew I hadn't packed for this trip, I don't have maps for this location, and all the preparing I had done in anticipation for what I thought was going to be my life journey was now irrelevant.

I was spiritually outfitted from head to toe for a trek across the Alps, but now I find myself lost in the Amazon. I now have to rely on faith for every single moment of survival in this strange place. And every single moment I find I am provided for, directed, reassured, and guided by the only tour guide that knows this treacherous path. I have to have faith for this life journey WITH God because the contrary would leave me completely and utterly helpless, desolate and alone. I don't feel strong, I don't feel like my faith is worth anything right now, and I certainly don't understand why I am here and where I am going. But I was given a wonderful definition of "faith" the other day: faith is trusting in advance, what will only make sense when seen in reverse. And I have to believe that's what faith is doing for me, getting me through today, so that tomorrow I can thank Him for yesterday. I'm not there yet, "today" is a long day but I know tomorrow will come.

And I am reminded that it's about a lifelong perspective...if I keep walking long enough, I've gotta find the Alps somewhere on the other side of this jungle!

A few thoughts from Daddy.......

The research bug has finally made it's way into my head. I sit here in the wee hours of the morning ( or night depending on how you look at it) and not being able to sleep, I finally got the nerve to Google "trisomy 18". I have found how commonly rare trisomy 18 really is (if that makes any sense). Here is just one result of a search I did for trisomy 18...........Results 1 - 10 of about 496,000 for trisomy 18. (0.06 seconds). It only took .006 seconds to find almost 500,000 hits for this disease. And I am sure that if you change the wording a bit, who knows how many sites are out there. Is this disease rare? No, just unheard of. The most common forms of a trisomy are trisomy 21 (downs), trisomy 18 (edwards) and trisomy 13 (Patau). Trisomy 21 is the most common, trisomy 18 is second and 13 is the rarest of the three.

I have to say, looking at some of the medical sites, Kristen's personality definitely shown through. She was without a doubt a fighter. She fought a battle in 3 days that most fetus's don't get to fight....
(click the post title to keep reading.)

Most of the sites said that 1 in 1500 are still born and 1 in 5000 to 8000 don't live longer than a week. Only given three days to get to know, love, cherish, adore and care for Kristen was unquestionably against most and all odds. I am very thankful that God gave us those three days. Kristen didn't loose any battle, in fact, she won every battle and now gets to live the eternal life with Jesus. Don't get me wrong, for the first few hours of her life and while we were still at St. Joe's hospital, I was really really mad at God. For a few moments everything I believe was put into question. But as the hours, days, and weeks go by, all those thoughts fade and all that is left is knowing that in my times of grieve and sorrow, my Lord will never leave me nor forsake me and he will not abandon me in this time and time to come.

Seeing some of the photos of defects from trisomy 18 made me realize how much Kristen had to fight to live. Every cell, every cell in her body was affected by this chromosomal disease. From the top of her little head to the bottom of her feet, she was affected. Yes, she had the cists in her brain, yes, her head was smaller, yes her little pointer fingers overrode the other fingers, yes she had bad heart malformations and defects, yes her lungs were immature, yes she might of had rocker feet. But from a father's eyes, none of that matters nor did it matter. All that matters is that she was beautiful and she was ours. Also from my research and from what medical personel have told us is that this disease is nothing that Tara nor I carry. This was not a heriditary trait but it is a genetic trait and that nothing that we did had caused this to happen. This is by no means the end of the Balcom family. We will push on and move forward in continuing to expand our family. Granted to allow Tara's body to heal properly, it has been suggested that we wait at least a year before we start to try to have more children.

My final thought.......please don't feel like you have to "hide" your grieve when around us. This is hard on many people. We cry just the same and your tears will help our tears. By hiding your emotions when around us, we in turn, begin to feel that we have to hide our tears when around others. To the nameless and faceless, we will never be able to find words to begin thanking you for everything that you have done for us. To everybody else, thank you for lifting us up in your prayers and for all that you are doing for us as well. God bless

K

King of All Days

I heard a snippet of a song the other day and a particular line caught my attention. "King of all days..." It was referring to God and I had to think for a moment about the "all" part of the description. If He's the King of ALL days, that means He was King the day Kristen was conceived and her little life began; He was King the day she was born and the day she flew out of our arms, and He's still the King as I sit here today wondering what my life is going to look like in the next few moments, days, months, and years. Just because He was, is and will always be King, doesn't mean He wasn't (and may still be) weeping from His throne. It doesn't mean He hasn't sent every possible form of comfort our way in hopes of lessening the blow. And it most definitely DOES mean that in His infinite ways of being in all spans of time He's already punished the one that has caused this horrific event in our life. (And I can be assured that the punishment that He's capable of executing is far more powerful and eternal than anything I would ever be able to offer!!)
And I guess what amazes me at the moment, is that I am even able to express these thoughts that make it sound like I've got this "put together" perspective - when in any moment I'll get caught up in a different thought and start asking the unanswerable why questions and feel like I'm at the bottom of a pit! But I suppose He'll be King of that moment too.

Thank You

We just wanted to say thank you to everyone that came to our little Angel's Celebration. Thank you for allowing us to share Kristen with you. Yesterday's service was amazingly beautiful and so perfect. It was such a blessing to us to not have to really do anything to prepare for the day, expect give our input and show up. We don't even know what many of you did, but you were a part of a very special moment in our life.
Thank you also to everyone that has been leaving comments on our blog, at the guestbook site, and through your cards and e-mails. They have all brought such comfort and I am sure we will be holding on to all of them for a long time as we will need them for quite a while!!

Remember the Fair?

Just a quick note to those planning on attending Kristen's service tomorrow. The Puyallup Fair is going on starting today and runs to the 21st. Please allow extra time to get to the church and for parking.

Lyrics to help us through

Here are a few songs that we've added to our blog play list that we've found comfort in. We hope you'll stay a while and enjoy the music!
(click the post title to read the lyrics, which mean so much to us.)


Watermark \ Glory Baby

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

Natalie Grant \ Held

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow.
The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

Mercy Me \ I Can Only Imagine

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

[Chorus]:
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

Kristen's Obituary in the newspaper

Here's the link to Kristen's obituary and an online guestbook.

Comfort

More and more people are being touched by Kristen's life everyday! The comment was made in the hospital "to think she was only here three days" and I replied - that's all Jesus needed to change history! :) She may not change history in the grand scheme of things, but she sure is making an impact! That's my girl!
I wanted to share this with anyone that hears of Kristen either because you personally know us or not. I shared it with our "support staff" and hope that this might be of some encouragement to you as well. This is hard for everyone, even strangers that have found our blog. Death is always hard, but the death of a baby is just wrong. So I hope that as you hear about Kristen and you are saddened for us, that you will also know the kind of comfort we are receiving at the same time through an amazing savior!
I remember getting this scripture in college during a really hard struggle - funny, at the time my life felt like it was over, and now I can't even remember what it was about!! - and it gave me comfort knowing that measure for measure, God's comfort would come and outweigh the trouble and sorrow.
The picture I got is a package is being delivered to our door and it has "crappy circumstances" written on the front. But right behind that deliver boy is the Verizon network crowd from the commercials and each one is carrying a box of God's comfort and healing and God is asking "can you hear me know?". But to get the comfort of that crowd and what's in their boxes, we have to receive the delivery of the box of crap. (notice I didn't say accept, just receive!! And unfortunately, he has orders to leave it on the porch if no one answers the door!)

My hope is that ANYONE that has been been touched by something related to this box of crap, may get a box (or two!) of comfort. We have no idea how many people are involved and supporting us out there so I figured posting this on our blog would hopefully get to as many people as possible!

Thank you everyone for your help and support through these crappy times and the ones we know are yet to come! Please take care of yourselves and get the help and comfort you need as you are doing that for us.
Love,
Tara (and Kevin)

I love these three translations because they all express something different to me. (emphasis mine)

2 Corinthians 1
NIV:
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Message:
3-5All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.

NLT:
3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 5 For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. 6 Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. 7 We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.

Kristen's life celebration party

Greetings from the Balcom home. We would like to invite you to services that are planned for our angel Kristen as a celebration of her life. They will be held this Saturday, September 6th at 10:00 am at Puyallup Foursquare Church. You can get directions on their website p4square.com

Please understand that our support net is so incredibly large that we are unable to make contact with everyone about the service. If you know of anybody that knows us, please feel free to invite them to the service on Saturday. This will be our one chance to introduce our little angel to everyone and would love the help in spreading the word.

To honor the memory of Kristen and continue her legacy, we would like to request that in lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to the MultiCare Perinatal Grief and Loss Program. Donations can be made in Kristen's name through the MultiCare Health Foundation at PO Box 5296, Tacoma, WA 98415-0296.

Our Little Kristen Got Her Wings Today

It is with much sorrow and joy at the same time that we share with you that our little angel got her wings this morning around 8:30. She passed peacefully from the arms of her parents to the peace and comfort of the arms of Jesus. Between the hole in her heart and her chromosomal disorder which is usually not compatible with life she was very fragile and we got to cherish every minute we had with her.

We appreciate your prayers as we start this new life with its many new challenges. We know it is going to be a hard journey and will be taking it one day at a time. We have so many friends and family surrounding us and we are so thankful we're not alone. In light of that, we are hoping to arrange a "quite time" at our home for the sake of Katelynn's naps and a little down time for us between noon and 4pm each day.

We were blessed with a friend who took some amazing photos of our last moments with our little angel and we hope to share those and our story with you on our blog. Until then you can see some photos at www.doulapattiramos.blogspot.com

We're hoping to send more details and updates soon, but we just got home and wanted to at least give you a quick update. Thank you.
Love, Kevin and Tara

Quick Kristen update from the NICU

It's 12:10am on Monday morning, we just got Kristen tucked in for the night and thought we'd check our blog really quick....over 150 visits to our blog since Friday morning (when there had only been about 150 total since 8/1/08!!) and so many messages and e-mails of support that we are so overwhelmed with gratitude and thanks for everyone that is keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. We're exhausted so this is our post for the moment, we do hope to update you all later on Monday with all the miracles and updates of the last 48 hours, but we really need to go to sleep! :)
Please do check back here for more updates - this is where we'll be posting them - but we just can't right now. We appreciate your prayers and comfort as we are still living day to day - and kinda hour by hour with our little Kristen. Thanks, Kevin and Tara