K-A-T-E-L-Y-N-N

The other day Katelynn was off playing by herself with a pen and her paper chattering away about what she was writing. Not all uncommon for her. She then asked for her scissors to cut what she had made.Not uncommon either as that's what they do in school. I told her she just had to be sure all her pieces were picked up when she was done. She usually cuts her paper to resemble confetti. She did pick them up....much later...with a number of reminders. However, there was one piece she said she was keeping for Parker, a little boy in her class who I think sits at her table.

Well, last night as Kevin and I were picking things up in the family room, we found her special piece of paper that she was keeping....my jaw almost hit the floor! It was her name!! With no help, no asking "how do I make a K?", she did it all on her own and didn't even tell us!!  It took us a LOT of time and practice to do a K, those are tricky! And here she did her whole name.....wow!!  And I think it's Parker's name at the end, not sure. I'll have to ask her. :)  And I'm also impressed with her cutting job! Such a proud momma! :)
(since we had to have our computer completely wiped clean and everything reinstalled, I haven't reinstalled my photo program yet to be able to edit this photo. So you'll just have to put up with all the extra space! You should be able to click on it to enlarge it.)

Our Big Preschooler's First Day of School

My, what a difference a year makes!! I didn't even realize she had the same sweater on!!

Katelynn's New Ride

Our friends Ryan and Staci gave us their daughters bike and helmet she had outgrown. Katelynn thinks she's pretty cool on it! Of course she still needs a little help from daddy. :)

My friend Shelly watched Katelynn for me last week and took these photos. Amazing! Shelly is the one who did our family photo for our profile and also helped take photos of Kristen. She does an amazing job! If you want her info, let me know!

Happy 3rd Birthday Katelynn!

Hard to believe Katelynn turned three this weekend! (on the 2nd) We had so many things going on this weekend that we’re taking today to just chill! My parents came over from Spokane and we had family photos taken on Saturday morning. We then went to Olympia to celebrate Katelynn’s Great Grandma Rosemary’s 80th birthday.

Sunday we had the red party with balloons she had asked for! It was great to have family and a few close friends around to celebrate her. We did the best we could to have everything red and she thought it was so fun.







Then Monday (her actual birthday) I decided to start a family tradition for her that my family had always done. We woke her up singing “Happy Birthday” each of us carrying candles, flowers and then she got to open a gift. (granted, she was already awake by the time we got it all ready and I told her to go lay back down for a surprise!) I don’t know if she really got what was going on, but it was fun just the same! Unfortunately, I had made Katelynn’s 3 year check up for that morning, thinking she didn’t have any shots coming and it would be easy and carefree. But they had a flu shot ready for her and that kind of put a damper on her day.







Later that day I had two girlfriends over and their three kids each – so with just two other families present we had 7 kids running around between the ages of 5 and 20 months! In the photo with them all on the couch, it looks pretty harmless. However, it was lunch time for everyone, nap time for most (including the birthday girl!) and considering I am used to one at a time, we'll just say I have a lot of learning to do when it comes to kiddo birthday parties! I am sure I'll have lots of exposure in the coming years, and this was just the start! (I am so glad the moms were here with them, they each pitched in to help with lunch and it was really fun!)
I won’t post all the photos from the weekend but here are a few to show she had LOTS of fun! Thank you to everyone who participated in one way or another!

Our Budding Artist!

I know every parent is proud of their child’s drawings, but I love this one! Katelynn has really enjoyed drawing smiley faces. She is getting really good at them too, complete with two eyes, a mouth, nose and chin - which apparently is really good and not expected for a child her age. This drawing was really cute because she drew Daddy – complete with his short hair and goatee! (the main face towards the top, the circle under the mouth is his chin!) There are a few other faces too, I think Katelynn and I may be a few of them. (the two "real" smiley faces and the “mouse/rat” were compliments of Daddy.)

Four months and counting

I was putting Katelynn down for bed the other night and singing her routine list of songs and had a little moment of realization. We were singing Jesus Loves Me and I was taken back to 4 months ago when I couldn't sing that to her. "Jesus love me, this I know, for the bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak, but He is strong." That line would kill me every time so I started telling her pick a different song!
I looked at Katelynn and realized that four months had passed since then and Katelynn was four months older now. Time didn't stop, like sometimes it feels it has. She has grown up even in just four months. I keep looking back, not wanting to forget, wanting to stay in that moment when we were a family of four. But if I am always looking back, I am missing today. I don't want to miss Katelynn's today because I won't get that back. She is changing every day and I don't want to miss it. I just don't know how to look forward and still keep Kristen with me. Kristen will forever be an infant in my mind yet Katelynn is constantly growing and changing -- which I am so thankful for because that means she's alive and healthy. I guess I'm just scared of Kristen becoming a figment of my imagination. It's not like there's lots of memories to look back on and reminisce about. When a grandparent dies, you at least have their memories to comfort you, stories to tell and traditions to continue. I don't feel like I have that of Kristen, and the memories I do have bring me to tears and remind me of that heartbreaking weekend. I have met a number of parents online who have walked this same road and many have said they got to a place where the memory of their child no longer brought tears to their eyes, but a smile to their face. I look forward to that day.

My little missionary

I've been meaning to post this for a while and keep forgetting!
The preschool Katelynn and I go to is held at a church but is provided through Pierce College, so definitely not "faith based." Our last class of the semester both our teachers were gone so we had subs. The child teacher I think was a former preschool mom and our parent teacher was the director of the Pierce College preschool program. At the end of class we always have music time with the teacher having a list of songs planned out. Well, this teacher didn't have a list and just kind of did the songs she remembered, some we'd never heard. She then started asking for suggestions from the kids. She asked for one more song and Katelynn jumped up and said "Jesus Loves Me!!" The teacher asked a little unsure, "oh, you sing that here? Okay, let's sing it!" and she started leading the group in singing Jesus Loves Me. Katelynn loved it and was dancing and clapping the whole time. A few of the moms looked a little unsure but my favorite look was from the parent teacher. She wasn't singing along like she did with the other songs, she wasn't smiling, and she wasn't enjoying herself nearly as much as Katelynn was! I'm not sure if it was because of her position and having to maintain a separation of church and state, or because of her personal beliefs, but all I could think of was "out of the mouth of babes! You asked for suggestions and you got them!" Can I get a witness!? :)

Yep, it's winter-time

Other than Christmas, what two things do most people relate to "winter"? Snow and colds. We've got 'em both!!
I think I've been sick since we started really getting snow so I haven't been too aware of how much we had. My crazy fever finally broke (100-102.6 for almost 4 days!) and I finally got some restful sleep this afternoon. When I woke up Kevin pointed out the snowman across the street. It's huge!! What I thought was so funny was another blogger mom had posted photos of the snowman she made with her 2 year old during the first snowfall - about 18 inches tall. Then there's this huge snow monster across the street! Katelynn said she wanted to go make a snowman but she woke up with a temperature so I told her she could when "her numbers" were better. That's what we call it when we take her temp, we "take her numbers." But Libby had no reason to not play in the snow. She takes every chance to go play! Kevin was throwing snow balls for her and she'd dig for them then eat them. I had to take a photo of her. At least one member of our family is getting to enjoy the snow!

Katelynn the "Baker"

So while mommy was trying to recover from the "bug" going around, I decided to make some cookies with Katelynn.


It began with a simple question. "Katelynn, do you want to make cookies with daddy?"The response.............

"We're going to make cookies" according to Katelynn. Priceless..............

So we begin. Of course you have to know, that we have discovered the wonderful world of Krusteez cookie mix in a box. These cookies aren't made from scratch. Some cookie mix and a little bit of water, and wallah, cookie dough, just add your favorite topping. Ours became peanut butter cookies because Katelynn liked the picture on the box. She grabbed one of the chairs from the table and pulled it over to where the stove and sink area are in the kitchen. I know her intentions were good, to help daddy make cookies. It changed quickly from helping me, to oh look at stuff in the sink, to "daddy can I turn the water on?" My response......."Ok but dont turn the water on too high, just have it trickle out of the fawcett." Agian, that lasted for only a few minutes. Next it turned into Katelynn wondering how much water the counter top will hold before it drips over the edge.........Is the image good enough in your head yet?

Yes, I finished making the cookies AND I got the privilege of cleaning up a nice big puddle of water. I love you Katelynn.........Maybe I should have named this post Katelynn the "Plumber."

Good enough to be a tree!

So after I posted yesterday about the whole Christmas tree issue, I decided to do SOMETHING to the house. I realized that I would do it if Kristen WAS here, and I want to do it because Katelynn IS here. So I cried my way through all the Christmas decoration boxes in the garage and found a few things that I could put up without feeling too overwhelmed! I got out Katelynn's Santa photos and put those on the piano with the storytelling bear from Grandma Betty and the lit wreath from Aunt Karen. Then I found the garland I always put on the entertainment center. I figured it's evergreen-ish, it has lights and a few decorations...it can pass as our tree this year, right? I cleared out the area for the tree just in case, but when Kevin came home he agreed that for a week and a half's worth of enjoyment, what I had done was just right!

I had put everything up while Katelynn was napping so when she woke up and came down the hall she didn't quite know what to make of it - after a few attempts in her sleepy-headedness, she finally got out "we have Christmas lights!" And considering she gives the same exclamation to a house that has 10,000 lights as she does to a house that has their porch light on, I am sure I would have gotten the same reaction with or without the tree, just as long as there are Christmas lights!

One interesting side note: We had gotten Katelynn a "My first Christmas" ornament in 2006 and my parents have been getting Katelynn an ornament each year too. We had intended to get one for Kristen this year too but just haven't yet. As I was pulling out the various ornaments, I found Katelynn's from last year and if I didn't know any better, I would have thought it was for Kristen! It's a pretty child-like angle with her eyes closed.So that's the one hanging in the middle of all our decorations this year.

To Tree or not toTree? That is the question

I had been prepared to decorate our home this year for Christmas, until I looked at the calendar. We'll be heading to Spokane to be with family for the week of Christmas and that's just a week and a half away. I really enjoyed decorating last year, but this year Christmas just doesn't have the same zeal it used to. Now, don't get me wrong. I know the real meaning of Christmas and I'm not saying that's not important. It's just hard to be "merry and bright" and celebrate the birth of a baby when your heart's broken over the loss of your own.
I don't necessarily want to skip out on the tradition of decorating the tree with Kevin and Katelynn but feel it would just be an exercise of normalcy for sake of a forced "normal". I was looking forward to hanging a special ornament for Kristen and hearing Katelynn's constant squeals over Christmas lights! (we finally had to tell her not to scream in the car at EVERY light, even non-Christmas lights!) It's not that I want to be a Scrooge, but to be completely honest I just don't think I have what it takes this year. I question if it will help me get through the underlying sadness, seeing all the pretty lights and ornaments, or be a constant reminder that I don't have a little 4 month old cooing at the lights or that we won't have a family of 4 picture in front of it. We won't have tons of gifts to put under the tree, (and if we did, they wouldn't go there until Dec 24th anyway, we DO still have an almost three year old running around!!) and the ones we do have will be opened at family gatherings. So I am left to wonder if all the effort of getting out the tree and decorating it for a week's worth of enjoyment would truly bring that enjoyment, although greatly needed, I just don't know if it's worth it.
I guess we'll find out if the next post is "look at our pretty tree!" :)

NW Trek

Katelynn was given a Zoo/NW Trek pass for her birthday last year and we've had so much fun using it. A few weeks ago we had great weather and decided to head out to NW Trek, the local wildlife park. There were very few people and LOTS of animals out! We took the tram ride that usually is less than an hour, but it ended up being almost 90 minutes because of all the animals in the way! In some of the photos you can see how close the animals come to the tram (or how close we come to them, rather!) and there were a number of times we just had to wait for the animals to move!
On our way home I had Kevin stop the car so I could get a good photo of Mt. Rainier - my friend had just left to go back to Indiana and while she was here, the mountain was covered with clouds. I took this photo to prove it really does exist! :)

My Burqa Baby!

Katelynn loves to help when I am folding clothes, however her form of "help" is usually in the way of comic relief! She will usually find something to put over her head and I just have to take a photo! Here's two from today and one from a little while ago. Just a little something to make me laugh!
(the two from today are with a swimsuit on her head and the last one is one of my shirts.)

Katelynn's First "Official" Haircut

I'd been saying for months that Katelynn needed a haircut. Daddy's been doing her bangs so she could at least see!! But with her major cowlick on the back crown of her head, she was looking pretty shaggy! :) I could get ponytails in but they'd only last a few minutes before she'd take them out.
So I broke down and took her to an official kids cut "salon" and reluctantly paid salon prices!! But I figured this would be her first time (and possibly her last!) so I wanted to do anything I could to make it favorable. Katelynn was excited about getting to sit in a fun airplane, but then realized there was an ulterior motive and didn't like it too much after that. The lady kept putting a new toy in front of her every few seconds and I could tell she was getting overstimulated. The cut took less than 15 minutes and looked really cute! She softened the edges and got the back to match the curly sides that are taking longer to grow. Hopefully the cut will encourage her hair to grow like everyone says it will! Here are some cute photos!

Before:

After:

We came home and Katelynn wanted me to take some photos of her so we took some! Ain't she cute!

People ask me "how do you do it?" referring to surviving the loss of a baby. I don't know for sure, but I do know that this little two and a half year old not only keeps me on my toes, but keeps me above water at the same time. I am thankful that she reminds me that life really does go on. Sometimes I don't feel like it will. But, then it does. She may be a handful, but she's a heartful of joy at the same time.

Today's the 29th....

Kristen would have been two months old today! It's amazing how fast time has gone. It seems like years ago that I posted on our blog about the next morning going in to be induced and that hopefully all the findings on the ultrasounds would be reversed and we'd have a miracle baby....we still got a miracle baby, just not how we had hoped.

This last weekend we had a reunion with the other couples from our birth class. Out of ten couples, three of us had our babies on the same day! It was amazing to see all the babies at their different ages, one was almost three months old, and the youngest was just 4 weeks. I got to hold Casper, one of Kristen's birthday buddies. It was crazy to think that I would have had a baby that old by now. Kristen was to tiny and still, that holding a 2 month old seemed foreign!
We took Katelynn along so she could see all the babies and also so we wouldn't be empty handed. Casper has an older sister that came too so the two girls got to keep each other busy. I wasn't sure how I was going to do with all the sharing of birth stories and comparing of how parenthood is going. I did pretty well, only having a few moments where I felt a little out of place. It was when we took the photos of all the babies together that I really felt it. They lined them up according to age and that was when I knew someone was missing. Patti (our class instructor) and I had thought a few weeks ago that we could have Katelynn be in the photo with the babies but that didn't work out. It was still nice to be there to see everyone and a number of the other parents made sure to include us in their conversations. I am glad we went, and I did my best to be genuinely happy for the other parents, and I was....but it wasn't easy.

Seasons of Change

I started this when Katelynn was just 8 1/2 months old in our backyard - not thinking it would become a tradition, but isn't that how traditions start!? I was really looking forward to this "photo shoot" with two kids, but that just wasn't in the cards this year. I was thinking of incorporating something to symbolize Kristen in the photos, having Katelynn hold a doll, or put my remembrance pin on her jacket, but decided not to. I guess the leaves are still nice, I could always do another one.

I am amazed at how she has changed yet stayed the same....I wonder what next year's photo will look like!? Wonder if the pink coat will still fit!? :)

(you can click on the photo to see a large version)

Katelynn's Reading Video

Katelynn found my calendar on the ottoman this afternoon and started "reading" it. She's done this before with other random books, saying she was reading the bible. She had already been reading for a few minutes by the time we got the camera out and started recording.
You can hear her say a few things pretty distinctly, the rest is just a 2 and a half year old! :)
Things we could make out:
"Miss you so much"
"Give hugs and give kisses"
"We miss you always"
"Yeah, it's a good book"
When asked what the title is: "Give gift cards (to) you and your receipt" then she found a piece of paper and says "and your receipt is right here."

There's rarely a dull moment when Katelynn's around!!
(If the video doesn't play, you can see it on YouTube as well - here)

The Baby in the Baking Aisle

A few nights ago Katelynn and I made a quick dash to the grocery store to get a few things for something I had been wanting to bake. While we were in the baking aisle, a little girl came running in our direction. Blonde as can be, probably a little over 2 years old, and completely alone. There wasn't anyone between me and the parking lot and I was at least 3/4 of the way from the front of the store. I squatted down and asked her where her mommy was. She turned around to look down the aisle and I followed her gaze. I still didn't see anyone. Then I saw a cart crossing the front of the store with a car seat on top and a frantic mom pushing from behind. When she saw the little girl she pulled her cart back around to come down the aisle towards us. I don't remember all that she said to me, but she thanked me with a tired smile as she put her daughter in the basket. She turned the cart around and we saw she had an infant in the car seat, probably no more than a month old. I replied I know how it feels and she said something about not knowing which one to stay with - leave the baby to chase the toddler, or stay with the baby as the toddler runs off. I had to remember that she couldn't see the baby that I envisioned in my cart, and to her I really had no idea what it was like to have two little ones.
As she left, Katelynn said, "Mommy, she have baby! Baby cute!" And I replied affirmatively as I always do (or at least try to do!), "Yes, Katelynn she does have a baby, doesn't she?" And I heard myself quietly reply out loud, "I wish I had one too." It was one of those moments I have every once in a while where I catch a glimpse of what life was supposed to look like. I'm caught off guard and my eyes start to well up and my throat tightens. I could only imagine what her day had been like. Here it is dinner time and she's at the grocery store with both kids. How many times had she tried to run to the store but never made it out of the house? Or did she spend the day at work wishing to be with her kids? I don't know what her day was like, but in that moment I wished I too had a car seat in my cart, even if it meant chasing a 2 year old down the baking aisle.

I wasn't going to post that little incedent, but it's been rolling around in my head and making too much noise. I figured that if I wrote it down I might be able to get to sleep....we'll see if it works!

Katelynn's First Train Ride!

I had to take some paperwork to our new dentist and since they're downtown, I thought it would be fun to take the light rail. It's the free train that goes through downtown Tacoma. We could have driven, but I figured for future dentist visits, she'd get to ride the train as an incentive! So we parked down by the Dome and road the train from the beginning to end, only about 4 stops, an 8 minute ride, but to a 2 year old, it was forever and SOO exciting!! Here's some cute photos.

The train started moving and she was so excited! We sat near the front so she could see ahead of us too.

She saw other people standing and holding the rails, so she thought she should too! (even though she was sitting! so cute!)

Here she is doing the sign for train. She did it for almost 2-3 minutes of the ride as she kept asking where the tracks were!

We finally made it to our destination and daddy was there too, so he took our picture! What a fun adventure! (Katelynn is plugging her ears because there was some jackhammering going on across the street.)

Although that was a lot of fun, I will definitely have to plan better for our next trip on the train. We parked a ways away from the station and the dentist's office is a bit of hike away from the station for a 2 year old. One way might be fun, but by the end of the whole round-trip, we were both pooped! I thought I would want the train to be her incentive, but I think we have a new one. They gave her a cookie at the dentist office, and if you ask her about her trip to the dentist the first word that comes out of her mouth is "cookie". (followed by "train") So we may not need the train ride afterall! Of course, it seems a little odd to be getting cookies at the dentist's office! :)