Remembering Kristen at Christmas

I've been thinking a lot lately how to best honor/remember Kristen this Christmas without making it be all about her. I want to celebrate the life she had on earth, the life she is enjoying in heaven and not so much about the earthly death she experienced. She's part of our family. She always will be, but how do we incorporate that? I don't want her to be forgotten or overlooked because she's not here in person. This would have been her first Christmas and there are lots of things that we do for a baby's first Christmas - do we have to miss out on that opportunity? That's one thing that I struggle with is having experiences stolen from us. The dates still come and go on the calendar, but not with the anticipation and excitement they once did. We're still excited for Katelynn to experience the joys and wonder of Christmas, but there's just something about celebrating the birth of a baby while mourning the loss of one. Yeah, I know, if it wasn't for Jesus we wouldn't have the hope we do that Kristen is in a better place and we'll see her one day.....but I still want her here with me and that will never change. The desires are still there to to get a cute little tiny Christmas dress for her, have her photo with Santa, and feel the joy Mary did as she held her newborn.

I've been wanting to some how incorporate her into our family traditions and maybe somehow into a family photo via a stuffed animal or something. Some people may feel uncomfortable with us wanting to incorporate Kristen into our family traditions, but until they loose a baby and find themselves making similar decisions, they can keep their opinions to themselves! :) I won't have her ignored just because she's not here.

So I/We've decided to do a few things.
1. We're still going to get her a little stocking. I've read suggestions to write her little notes or tell little stories, so it becomes kind of an on-going time capsule, chronicling our journey. But then that way she'd always be part of our family "line-up" at Christmas.

2. She'll still have an ornament on the tree. That's been a tradition my parents have always done. I want to get her one too. Below is a link to the ornaments that the Trisomy 18 Foundation sells, raising money for the foundation that supports the families of babies diagnosed, living with or lost from Trisomy 18.


3. Buying gifts: it seems kind of weird to be buying gifts for a baby that would never play with them, but it also seems weird NOT to be buying gifts for a baby this year. So I decided I would get a giving tree or Toys for Tots baby and buy a few gifts for them in honor of Kristen. I could do that every year in her honor (for a child that would be the same age as she would have been that year) and our kids could do it too as they got old enough to understand. I may even have Katelynn help pick out the gift this year or have her give one herself.

4. Christmas card/letter: I've been meaning to do one for years and never did....not sure if I will this year or not. I would want to send a photo, but how do we best represent our family of four with just three people? And it feels kinda weird writing a letter that usually tells of the previous year "Kevin loves his new job, Katelynn started preschool, we had a baby and we lost a baby, and Merry Christmas!" But I also want people to know about our family's year as there was more that happened than just Kristen. But I suppose all the people I would be sending it to already know!

I'm sure I'll add to and/or modify this "Christmas List" as time goes by. But it gives me/us somewhere to start. I don't know theologically if Kristen can see/experience us here on earth, but I can rest in the fact that the Christmas celebration she gets to witness will be out of this world!