24 Weeks down, only 16 to go!

It's crazy to think I've already been pregnant now for 6 Months! However, more days than not I physically feel like it!! But it's crazy to think I'm only 4 weeks (one month!) away from my third trimester already! Woo-hoo!

I had a fetal echo scan on Monday just to check the baby's heart and give momma a little piece of mind :). I wasn't satisfied with how the routine ultrasound went at 20 weeks and was offered another ultrasound JUST for the heart so I took it. (Kristen's heart defects weren't the kind that show up on routine ultrasounds. Needless to say, if insurance will cover giving me peace of mind (and it doesn't pose a risk for baby, I'm all for it!) Ashley cooperated with the tech - who did an AMAZING job by the way! He was able to get all the shots he needed even with her jumping and turning around, and everything looks and sounds great. It was fun getting to see her move around so much on the screen and feel her at the same time. She measured RIGHT ON to where she should be @ 23 weeks 6 days on Monday. We never had that with Kristen (she always measured behind) and Katelynn's dates were always just a tad behind too so it's always reassuring to hear that my baby is measuring right TO THE DAY! (Granted usually the measurements are within a 1-2 week +/- window, so having them give me that measurement felt so good!)

So here's the update for where Ashely's at now that she's 24 weeks old! :)
Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts her at just over a pound. Since she's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), she cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but her body is filling out proportionally and she'll soon start to plump up. Her brain is also growing quickly now, and her taste buds are continuing to develop and should start working very soon. Her lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help her air sacs inflate once she hits the outside world. Her skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon.

Out of the Rubble (part 2)

(to read Part 1 first, click here)
I was two and a half years old when Mt. St. Helen's blew. I don't remember any of it but I've been told stories and have read enough to know how impacting it was. I've been to the National Park to see the aftermath now 30 years later and there's no question something HUGE happened there. There are still "mountains" of ash along I-5, most of our parents still have jars of ash stuck away somewhere, and even my promise ring I got as a teenager was an emerald made from Mt. St. Helen's ash. But I don't have to have personal memories of wearing face masks or having the day sky turn dark to know how powerful it was or the kind of devastation it left in its wake. No one had to instill a sense of fear in me to understand the power God has in His creation which would keep me away from volcanoes. And you know what? I live in the shadow of Mt. Rainier (even enjoy being ON the mountain) and rarely think twice about it being a volcano! It's beautiful to me - not scary. And Mt. St. Helen's is now a beautiful monument not a graveyard or wasteland.

Last night (well, early this morning!) I blogged about how God was offering to start removing the rubble and debris that was left from the loss of Kristen so that this new baby would have the light and life it needed to enter this world. I thankfully was able to go back to sleep for 2 hours (most of my blogging happens in the wee hours of the morning when I can't sleep so being able to go back to sleep is SOOO nice!) and in that little nap I had a dream. Lately my dreams haven't been all that encouraging - usually they're about the baby and I either forget that I have one to care for and take with me, forget that I need to feed or change her, or something along those lines. (mainly because I never got to do those things with Kristen because there were nurses and doctors doing that for me.) But in this dream I was holding the baby and waving to Kevin through a big window to bring in Katelynn to meet her. But Katelynn didn't know or understand what was going on because we had kept her from the whole experience "just in case". That's when I realized that it's not just the baby or me & Kevin that God wants to remove the rubble from, but Katelynn too.

We involved Katelynn in every aspect of preparation with Kristen. She was excited! We got clothes out, she came to the baby shower, she helped get the crib ready in her room, we even watch movies and read books about a new baby coming home. So when the baby didn't come home, she was a little confused since she saw her at the hospital. She actually just thought the baby went back into mommy's tummy! But she was 2 and 1/2 and I didn't really expect her to remember too much. We did explain that Baby Kristen went to heaven but the comprehension of that has changed through out the months. So when I woke up from this dream I realized that out of my own self-preservation and fear of the unknown, I was almost robbing Katelynn of that anticipation that she got to experience with Kristen. By not wanting to set the crib up yet, get clothes out or even have a baby shower, I was taking away the elements of anticipation not only for myself (almost intentionally) but for Katelynn as well. She doesn't know that bad things can happen to babies, so why shouldn't waiting for this baby be just as exciting as waiting for Kristen? Just like I don't remember Mt. St. Helen's blowing but I love looking at and living near Mt. Rainer.

As I let myself process the dream I began to realize that I was using my rubble to "protect" Katelynn from something bad happening. She'll be 4 and 1/2 when this baby is born and most likely will remember it. What do I want her to remember? That mommy's tummy got big, she went away and came home with a baby? No. I want her to anticipate and prepare for her new sister. I want her to "make room" in her life. If something bad happens, well...I guess God will have to handle that one -- AGAIN! But I want Kristen to be remembered for the good things and in appropriate ways, I don't want her memory to overshadow and prohibit life from happening. It's one thing to be tentative or have reservations about things, I know what it means to be the 1 in 5,000 to have a baby with T18. But to be scared of anticipating life for fear of death, that's not the life that Christ died for me to have. Or anyone in my family for that matter!

So like I wrote in my first rubble blog - it's up to God how He will remove the bricks and I have to trust He knows what He's doing. I'm just surprised that it's happening so fast and so noticeably! A few months ago I was fearful of doing the basic preparations for the baby. The sting was still there from taking down an empty crib, packing up gifts and putting away the matching outfits I had for the girls to wear in their fist "sibling photos". But God has been softening my heart and brick by brick giving me an anticipation for this little girl without the overshadowing "what if's". Then with the confirmation of gender and getting to really see her on the ultrasound came the realization that this little girl deserves just as much excitement and preparation for her life and entrance into this world as Katelynn and Kristen got. THEN...this dream made me realize that Katelynn should be allowed to anticipate and enjoy the excitement of this new baby too. That out of the ashes we would be able to dust off this pearl and treasure her for what and who she is - NOW. So we decided to name our little girl Ashley Megan. Although "Ashley" officially means from the meadow of the ash trees and "Megan" means little pearl, we like that she's due on Mt. St. Helen's Day (May 18th) and that God is giving us beauty for ashes.

I've been singing Sara Grove's song in my head since I posted it: It's been a hard year, I'm climbing out of the rubble, the lessons are hard, healing changes are subtle. And I feel you here, and you're picking up the pieces, Forever faithful. It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation, but You are able. And in Your hands the pain and hurt, Look less like scars and more like: Character.

Rubble (part 1)

If you had told me a year ago that I would be posting this I'd say you were crazy. But here I am. Last night at church we prayed for Haiti, as I'm sure (and hope) most churches will do during their services this weekend. But there was more to it. He said as he was praying over the week, having his heart broken for the devastation that has happened and continues to happen to this already "down and out" country, the Lord asked him (and I'm paraphrasing, sorry Roger!) "How are they so different than the people in your own city? Because the rubble and debris is on the outside in Haiti, you see it. But there are people dying and being buried under rubble in their lives everyday. That is the rubble I want to remove, to bring life back to them, not despair under the weight of their circumstances."

Then Roger invited us to put our hands on our hearts and pray together, asking God, inviting God, to remove the rubble in our lives that our circumstances had buried us with. I don't remember all of what we prayed but something changed in me. I realized as we prayed that my hands were no longer above my heart but had slid down to just above my belly. As we prayed over the areas in our lives that we needed a divine rescuing, I got the picture of God setting aside the rubble that is still left from our tragedy with Kristen, almost sweeping off my tummy, to let the new baby (and a new mommy) emerge unhindered by the circumstances that preceded her. He wasn't just throwing the pieces away. He was carefully setting them aside, brick by brick, making a nice pile to the side, in a way saying "we'll come back to that later, but for now, there's life to be had and this rubble is in the way."

Now, don't get me wrong. Kristen is by no means rubble!! But the aftermath that a tragic labor/birth experience and unexpected loss leave is no dust bunny under the sofa either. It's hard to get excited about having a baby like I did with Katelynn and Kristen when you know that bad things happen. Having a baby is more than just gift registries and diapers. I'll admit I haven't wanted to completely "buy in" to the idea that we're having a baby until she's home in my arms. This last week I did a bit more with the ultrasound and finding out she's a girl. But during that prayer time it was like God was wanting to remove the debris of that experience, so that I could have a renewed experience. I've been thinking of this quite a bit and asking a lot of "HOW" questions. How do I do that? How do I not feel like I'm leaving Kristen behind or ignoring who she was and what happened? I don't want people to think I've "moved on" - you never really do. And it keeps coming back to "that's not your responsibility. That's God's specialty."

I watched on the news the people in Haiti clearing out rubble literally brick by brick. And 4.5 years later they're still clearing out and rebuilding after Katrina. Reconstruction doesn't happen overnight. But first things first - clear the way for life to happen. Not sure how God does that, but I know He's able. Below are some lyrics from a songwriting who always seems to speak right to my soul and where I'm at. There are a few lines in the song that I couldn't have written any better and speak to what God does with our rubble. I will always have an external scar from Kristen but I look forward to what God does with the internal ones.

Less Like Scars
by Sara Groves

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
And more like
Character

Week 22 Update (a little late)

Technically, I "turned" 22 weeks on Monday, but I thought I'd post this anyway, since it's still kinda interesting!
At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, our baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. Her lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and she's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath her gums. Her eyes have formed, but her irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside my womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers her body and the deep wrinkles on her skin, which she'll sport until she adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside her belly, her pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily.

I still haven't had a chance to get the ultrasound photos up yet. Someday....I still have an almost 4 year old to run after and editing photos isn't high on the to-do list! :)

Katelynn Was Right!!!

Well, it looks like the possibility of us getting a BOY dog in the future is more of a reality in the hopes that Kevin won't feel so left out. We found out today that our new bundle of joy is a GIRL!! I hope to post the photos we got today soon - they're great!

Everyone we talked to or heard/read about us expecting thought we were having a boy except Katelynn. She's said it was a girl from day one. Well, she was right!!

In our two previous pregnancies we were never 100% sure of the gender until the moment we met - this is kinda weird knowing! But fun too! Now we can really work on names, I can really purge the attic of clothes and only keep what we/I really want, and we can stop calling the baby "IT" and say SHE and HER.

Of course, Katelynn is super excited! We took her to the appointment with us since we knew it would be an in-office ultrasound done by the midwife that helped to deliver Katelynn, and she wouldn't mind her being in the room. The baby was really active which was fun for us all to see and Katelynn said she was playing hide-and-seek with how she was coming and leaving the screen! :) Funny how this ultrasound put me more at peace than the "technical" one. I just wanted to see my baby, looking like a baby, acting like a baby. I'm glad she has spleen and healthy liver, but I want to see her suck her thumb or something! We saw her opening and closing her mouth and even got a couple of photos of her kicking, one with the legs up ready to kick, and the 2nd with her legs stretched out. It was fun!

Thank you Jesus for a reassuring appointment and a beautiful look at our new baby daughter!

Week 21 - officially past the half way mark!

I know I've been pretty bad about keep up with the weekly updates - but I figure most people don't keep track of their lives in weeks so missing a few of these won't hurt! If you can believe I'm already at 21 weeks! Technically "full term" is 40 weeks but baby can really come anywhere between 39 and 42. Either way, I've breached the half-way mark and it's going fast! I've only got 7 more weeks of my 2nd trimester and then it's the home stretch!

Here's the latest for the 21 week development update:
The baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. The initial fluttering movements are starting to turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges which is fun to feel. There's not the major development happening like in the first trimester with major organs and such, but they do say that the baby's eyebrows and lids are present now.

Next Monday is a routine check-up with the midwife and she said she'll do an in-office ultrasound to give us a better look at the baby for our own sake and hopefully check on gender. We're not holding our breath on the gender though! :) But we'll keep you posted.

Ultrasound Appointment......Healthy Baby - Ticked off Parents

Please forgive me - I just need to vent!!

We went in for our 20 week ultrasound today and needless to say we're thrilled to know our baby is healthy, but it was one of the most frustrating & disappointing appointments I've had in a long time. The tech came in (15 minutes late & me with a FULL bladder!) and said "so now what was the situation with your last baby?" I replied that she had Trisomy 18 to which she asked "oh, how did she do? everything come out okay and she survived?" If you know that she existed wouldn't you know a little more to the story!!??? And what a STUPID question!!! Do you not know what T18 is????? Later I read in my chart notes online that it has written (and I quote): had integrated screen, last child with Trisomy 18 and a heart defect. Even if she didn't have the rest of the story in her notes wouldn't you think she'd either #1. find out what happened BEFORE asking. #2. have at least SOME clue what T18 even is!! #3. not ask such a definitive question. or #4. just keep her mouth shut.

I had a similar thing happen at my 6-week check up after Kristen's birth. The nurse didn't know that she had passed away (although isn't it odd to have a mom come in for her 6-week check up without a baby?) And she's going through her list of questions she has to ask and I am getting a feeling she doesn't know the outcome. That assumption is confirmed when she asks the baby's weight at birth and then if I am nursing or formula feeding. I then had to eek out the words. I don't remember what I even was able to say but it obviously took her by surprise and horror. She apologized profusely and then finished the check-in process. The midwife then came in and told me the nurse was crying and felt so horrible about what happened. I asked if it wasn't in my chart and she said it is there, they just didn't know/think to look. Since then I've asked that it be plastered throughout my medical file....apparently that hasn't happened and people are still asking STUPID questions!!

The rest of the ultrasound appointment progressively got worse. She has been doing this for 20 years so she does it all so fast we can't tell what anything is and she never stayed in one place long enough for us to see the baby move much at all.

Then when she was done she leaves and says she'll be back in 10 minutes or less. FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER she walks in with another radiologist. All I can think is -- great - we've been here and done this before! Then get this...she says "this is Dr. So and So and we just wanted to get one more quick look." I ask if something was wrong and she says "oh, everything's fine, we just wanted to take a quick look at the kidneys." Bull-sh*t everything's fine! You don't bring in a second opinion if everything is fine. I told them both that I know it's not good when they have to bring someone else in to take a look, at which the radiologist says "we don't want to do anything to worry you so we thought it's better to take a quick look now instead of having you come back in." So they look at the kidneys and then start looking at the heart. After a number of code-worded conversations I finally ask what is going on and why they're looking at the heart so much. They said it was because they weren't able to get good scans of all the heart's structures before and wanted to try again. But this time the baby has turned and its spine has shadowed its heart and they can't get a good look. The radiologist is leaning over me so I can't see the monitor or what they're looking at and finally she says it's fine and leaves the room.

Needless to say we were a little less than pleased with the visit. We were now 10 minutes late for our midwife appointment upstairs so we booked it up there and got in right away but the midwife was still 10 minutes away from seeing us! (I had called while we were waiting for the tech to return and told them we were going to be late because we were still down in our ultrasound.) I shared my concerns with the midwife and she helped us to understand where some of what happened had come from. Because of our excperience with Kristen, they wanted to be 100% sure they checked everything really well this time. And since the tech has been doing this for so long she knows when she needs a 2nd pair of eyes to look at something. That's also why she went so fast through most of it, because she's been doing this for so long it's "normal for her". Sorry - it's not normal for US!!!! You better believe I'll be contacting radiology AGAIN tomorrow to let them know how our appt went! I had to do it last time with one of Kristen's appointments too. Not only do I not appreciate being treated like an ignorantly-bliss 1st time parent who only cares about gender, but I don't like being lied to either nor do I appreciate them treating my appointment so insignificantly. They may do this 100 times a day - BUT I DON'T! This is my baby we're talking about here!! Give me 5 seconds to just look at it move for goodness sake!! Will it kill ya to have an ounce of bed-side manner!!?

So, yes the baby looks good and ultimately that is really what mattered. We still don't know gender yet, its legs were crossed - just like ALL our babies have done!! We unfortunately didn't really even get any good scan photos like we did with Katelynn. I mentioned that to our midwife too and she said that she'd do an in-office scan next time and see if we can't get a good photo of the baby AND maybe check gender. So that's one good thing that came out of that appointment.

But all in all, the baby has none of the signs that Kristen had. Our midwife even showed us comparisons of their ultrasounds (gotta love technology!) and it was amazing the difference there is between a T-18 baby and a healthy baby! Thank you Jesus!

The Results Are In!!

I just got the call from UW with our integrated screen results and they look GREAT!

Before the test our chances of T18 were: 1 in 5,300
After the test our chances are: 1 in 20,000!!!

Before the test our chances of Down Syndrome (T21) were: 1 in 530
After the test our chances are: 1 in 19,000!!

Then the test showed our chances of spina bifida are: 1 in 1,800

If you ask me, those are beautiful numbers!! Granted we know what being that ONE is like, but we have no reason to worry at this time about the health of our baby. What a great feeling!
Then on Monday at my check-up the baby had a great heartbeat and was really active. I still haven't been able to feel anything, which was a little worrysome. But while she was trying to listen to the heartbeat, the baby kept moving away from the doppler! She assured me the baby is doing JUST FINE!! :)

Week 15 - This is Amazing!!

We're already at Week 15!! No real movements felt just yet, but I'm sure they're coming. I wanted to share a link to some AMAZING videos for the various stages of the baby's development. Here's the link to 15 to 20 weeks, you can click on other time frames if you want.

This week Baby Balcom measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple). He's busy moving amniotic fluid through his nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in his lungs begin to develop. His legs are growing longer than his arms now, and he can move all of his joints and limbs. Although his eyelids are still fused shut, he can sense light. If we shine a flashlight at my tummy, for instance, he's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for the baby to taste at this point, but he is forming taste buds.
Finally, we will have an ultrasound the week of Christmas, so we still have a bit of a wait to find out whether your baby's a boy or a girl! (Don't be too disappointed if it remains a mystery, though. We have a history of modest babies! Besides, nailing down the baby's gender depends on the clarity of the picture and on the baby's position. He or she may be modestly curled up or turned in such a way as to "hide the goods.") But we'll be sure to share once we know!

A healing day at MOPS

Monday was our first MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting of the year. This is my 3rd year and my first year NOT in charge of something! I got to go as "just a mom" and that was really nice. I didn't have any problems taking Katelynn up to her room or coming into our meeting room and finding my table. It was just like last year, and it felt "normal". It was when I saw the other mommies with carseats and their new babies that I realized it wasn't going to be "normal" anymore.

You see, my first MOPS meeting I ever went to I had 6 week old Katelynn in a front pack and loved the attention I got when you have such a little baby. I only went to 3 meetings with her that small, then the group was over for the summer.
(click the post title to read the rest of the post)

So I had envisioned what it would be like to come to MOPS with a brand new baby just a few weeks old, to have other moms want to come see/admire her, hear them ask "how old is she!?" and know that my friend Heather E. would be waiting for her chance to snatch her up! (she has a baby addiction and will hold any baby she can get her hands on! :)) It was that moment I realized I wasn't getting the chance to show my baby off like I had planned and dreamed about. At the same time a friend came up and put her hand on my shoulder and asked "how are you doing?" I replied, "I was fine until I saw the babies" and that was all I could get out as the tears took over. I later had to explain to her that it wasn't that I didn't want to see babies, I'm still a mom, I love to see babies! (who doesn't!?) But this wasn't how I had envisioned coming to this MOPS meeting...empty handed.

During the meeting they had the moms that had babies over the summer break come up to the front for a special little gift and they included me, which felt very honoring to Kristen and me too. Although Kristen wasn't a new MOPS baby, she WAS born, and I DID have a baby....now I just have an angel. It's been hard having had a baby yet losing her so quickly because there wasn't much time for people to offer their congratulations on her birth. (We didn't get much time either to celebrate her birth, which was kind of what we did at her service, but the event still happened because of her death.) Having her birth recognized and honored like that was very healing. I too forget the joy that her birth brought us in the midst of the sorrow that her passing has brought.

The rest of the meeting went really well. There were lots of moms coming up to see how I was doing, some were even surprised I was there at all. But I couldn't imagine NOT being there! I need those ladies, those moms. I love my table of ladies that I am sitting with and I am really looking forward to getting to know them this year.

At the end of the meeting my friend Jen shared with me that although my heart was breaking over not being able to show Kristen off at MOPS, that she WAS being shown off, admired, passed around and held in a way that our MOPS moms could never compare. (sorry, ladies!). :) And although that made me cry some pretty big tears, what comfort it brings me still!

I will continue to grieve this loss as moments and events come and go not how I had envisioned them, crying "this isn't how it was supposed to be". But I have to remember that those events and moments ARE being played out in a way that I could never imagine!
1 Corinthians 2:9 (from the message)
No one's ever seen or heard anything like this,
Never so much as imagined anything quite like it—
What God has arranged for those who love him.

Here she comes!

Although I am sure there will be plenty more 2am entries to this blog, this will be the last one where I'm not up because of a baby! We are being scheduled for an induction today (Friday) and I thought I would do one last blog before our worlds change forever!
During a routine check-up on Thursday the midwife thought the baby was a tad small for how far along I was so she had me go in for an ultrasound just to make sure everything was going well. It could have been because the baby was so far down, but she wanted to make 100% sure. The ultrasound did show that the baby was smaller than she should be along with a few other "findings" that rose some flags. (At this point in pregnancy Katelynn was almost 7 lbs, this baby is at or around 5lbs.) So after discussing it the midwife and another dr suggested that the baby be induced so that she could be properly monitored, observed and fed. It's only 8 days before her official due date so we're not worried about it being "too early." When I asked about waiting to see if she did gain some weight over the next week or so, they said that they're not sure why she's not gaining the weight and can't say that more time would help. If she's not growing properly because the placenta isn't doing its job, then giving her more time will actually do more harm than good. Granted, if everything is normal another week (or two!) may do the trick, but it's a gamble with so many unknowns and most medical professionals aren't gamblers! (neither are we!) So they want her out so they can make 110% sure she's okay, since they can't be sure of that through the ultrasounds.
So Katelynn went to Nana and Papa's last night so that Kevin and I could get ourselves ready and not have to worry about what to do with her in the morning. They had planned on taking her all weekend anyway, so this will work out great, not knowing how long we'd need her taken care of, we at least have the next 3 days covered!
Needless to say, we're excited, a bit nervous but ready to meet our little one. Although this wasn't how I had hoped this labor/delivery would go, (didn't handle the news too well at first, but am okay with it now) I know God's ultimately in control of every last little detail and it could turn out to be a blessing in disguise! I look forward to posting our first photos of the baby and our new family unit! We even took photos with Katelynn before she left - the last ones as a family of three! Well, four really, Libby was in the photo too and she technically was the first "baby".
So we ask for and appreciate your prayers over the next day or two - for the labor and delivery part for sure, but also for our little baby - we're praying that when she comes out that all the ultrasound findings would miraculously be gone, that she'd gain weight rapidly, and there would be no complications to speak of. We're praying for peace and trust in God's promises as the next day or two unfold and that we not get caught up in the fear of the unknown - as there's plenty there. God created this baby from the start and it would be silly to assume He didn't know what He was doing!

In anticipation....

I borrowed this from another mommy-to-be's blog and thought it so fitting to post on our own. (Thanks for posting it Brooke!)

These Last Few Hours
written by: Dede McCall

It is important to me that I spend a part of the next few hours
here alone with you in the darkness.

You and I will never be this close again.
By morning you will be a tiny person, all on your own.
No longer the kicking, demanding, bulge in my body
that I have grown to love so well.

I pray God will safely guide you on your journey
and I ask Him for the strength to help you all I can.

Again you signal your impatience to be free.

Time to wake your Daddy.

Olympic Style False Start!

I always felt bad for the athletes in a competition where there was a false start, they'd get distracted and have to start over - but then realized it may help them! They got to make sure they were really ready, refocus and do better next time. We got just that opportunity yesterday!

I had been having Braxton Hicks all weekend but it was just constant discomfort, nothing that came and went, or got progressively worse. Then Monday morning I was woken up at 2:30am with a major contraction and waves of them coming every couple of minutes, but not getting any stronger. So after about 45 minutes, I realized that this could be it and started running through my mind all the things that weren't ready yet! Where's the back-up doula's phone number? (ours is on vacation!) Katelynn doesn't have a bag packed, the camera batteries aren't all charged, the dishes aren't done, the baby carseat isn't in the car yet! So I got up and puttered around for about an hour trying to get stuff done and physically feeling fine so I decided to go back to bed. If it was the real thing, I was going to need as much rest as I could get! The moment I laid down they came right back, just as fast as they had started! But this time there was more of a break in between, so much so that I fell asleep between one of them and woke up 2 hours later! I was sure we'd be having dinner in the hospital, but nope! I may have had a handful more contractions over the course of the whole day, it was definitely a false start!

Needless to say, we used our Monday false start to "really" get ready! (Kevin has Monday's off so it worked out great!) And after seeing how quickly those contractions came (and unfortunately went!) we know that we're not going to have a whole lot of time to stay home and wait it out. So the dishes are done and the kitchen is beautiful (thanks Kevin!), Katelynn's bag is packed, the back-up doula knows our situation, the camera batteries are charged and packed, and we will be heading to the carseat inspection day this morning! We even watched two movies and got some grocery shopping done! Talk about a productive day and a much appreciated false start! Now if this baby could just decide if she wants out or not!!

One other sign I think we're getting close :) I'm craving all kinds of foods! Yesterday morning I wanted a McGriddle sandwich for breakfast (since I thought we'd be eating on the way to the hospital!), then for dinner I wanted fried chicken and chocolate ice cream! And that's just what we had - and it was great! (yes me, the non-chocolate eater!) I figured I'll be burning all those calories during labor anyway, right!?

So, are we ready? Probably not, but we're as ready as we're gonna be!!! Are we excited, you bet! As we were eating dinner last night I commented on how 12 hours ago this sure wasn't where I thought we'd be eating dinner! So who knows what today may hold... :) or tomorrow, or the next day, or the next.....

The Pregnant Pause

I had always assumed the term "Pregnant Pause" came from the fact that the "pause" in question was just a bit larger and a tad more awkward than it needed to be....kinda like us full term mommies :)
No, I now realize it comes from the pause that most moms enter once they hit full term at 37 weeks and still have up to 4 weeks of the waiting game to play! (for those not familiar with pregnancy time lines, "full term" is 37 weeks, which is where they get "9 months of pregnancy" but the due date actually marks 40 weeks of pregnancy - yes that makes 10 Months, not 9! And most practitioners will induce after 41 weeks, which gives the baby a 4 week window in which to make their appearance.)
Sunday marked 37 weeks for baby and I and she could come tonight or she could decide to extend her reservation and stay another 4 weeks! So in the mean time we wait. Life gets all but put on pause and we wait. There's only so much nesting, rearranging, etc that you can do and so we wait. Because we didn't know if this little one would be coming earlier or later, I cleared my calendar for the next three weeks, just to play it safe....now I'm bored! But I know better than making plans and getting too busy and over doing it, I already can't sleep (which is why this blog gets updated at 3am!) and I'd really rather not get too worn out before the baby gets here! So, we take it easy and wait.....I know, I know, life will get busier than I had bargained for in just a few weeks, and I'll be wishing for this boredom back, yada yada! That's easy to say when you're not the one held in the midst of a pregnant pause. :) I wonder if it's any worse for the 2nd baby because everything is "done" and there's less 1st time anxieties to pass the time fretting over!? Or is it worse the 2nd time around because I have a 2 and a half year old that realized she wasn't experiencing her "terrible two's" to the fullest and decided to make up for lost time! :)
I keep getting asked: "Are you ready?" Of course not, that's why I want the baby to get here! We learned last time that you're never really "ready" to have a baby, so I'm as ready as I'm gonna be! So, "Baby Balcom, Come on Down!"
For all my other pregnant mommy friends out there, I hope you're keeping busy (but not too busy!) during your pregnant pause and enjoying the quiet at 3am if you can't sleep either! 3am will look a whole lot different in just a little bit. :) And let's hope these pauses don't last longer than they need to! I think9 months is long enough and 10 is more than plenty! :)