The Balcom Family Blog

Homemade Laundry Soap

2011-09-23T11:38:00.000-07:00

There are about as many recipes online for homemade laundry soap as there are for chocolate chip cookies! And the same rule of thumb goes for the soap as the cookies, just try them until you find one you like!

I have lots of friends that make their own laundry soap so I figured I'd give it a try. My friend Holly was kind enough to make up a "kit" for me the last time she made hers, all I had to do was add the water. With the kit she included a list of 10 recipes I could try the next time. Well, that batch of soap finally ran out last weekend, so it was time to go buy our own ingredients and make our own.

Since this was my first time buying the ingredients and making it on my own I decided to stick with the recipe she had ready for me last time. (Side note, this is sounding all so complicated and technical that you have to follow someone's lead to make it - really it's not! But since I learned from someone else, I figured I'd pass along what I learned!) Most of the recipes suggest experimenting with the various ingredients until you find a combination that you prefer. You an even buy essential oils that smell like name brand detergents so your homemade soap smells the same as your store bought stuff!

Here's what I did. (note: this recipe calls for a 2 gallon pail or bucket that you fill with water at the end, to make 2 gallons of soap. I only have a 5 gallon bucket so I estimate what 2 gallons looks like!)

Ingredients: Boax, Washing Soda, Fels-Naptha bar soap, and water. I got everything at Wal-Mart in the laundry soap aisle. Every box of Borax was crushed, hence the mangled looking box! But everything you see here maybe cost me $8 and I only used a 1/2 cup of each of the powders and a 1/3 cup of the bar, so you can see how this is definitely a cost effective way to do laundry soap!!

Step One: Grate the bar of soap. You only need 1/3 cup for this particular recipe so I just grated the whole bar and it made almost a full 3 cups
So at $.97 a bar, you can get just about 9 batches worth = $.12 per batch (after tax.) :)

(I put the extra in a ziploc bag - just be sure to label it well - it looks just like shredded cheddar!!!)

Step Two: In a large pot, heat 3 pints (6 cups) of water. Add 1/3 cup grated bar soap and stir until dissolved. Then add 1/2 cup of both washing soda and borax. Stir until powders are dissolved then remove from heat.

Step Three: In a 2 gallon clean pail or bucket (I used a 5 gallon bucket) pour 2 cups of hot water and add the heated soap mixture. Top off the pail with cold water and stir well. (This is where I had to estimate how much extra water to add. There are other recipes that use larger buckets and more water.)

Storage: You can choose to leave your soap in your bucket if you have a lid. Or you can put it into old (clean) laundry soap containers. This recipe uses about 1/2 cup per load, but be sure to stir/shake your soap well as it tends to gel.
My friend Holly said this recipe costs about $.83 a batch and this photo gives you an idea of how many containers I was able to fill with just one batch!! Sure "free" soap is good when you can find it, but now I know exactly what is in my soap and I can keep the ingredients on hand in much smaller containers than I used to do when I stocked up on "premade" laundry soap.

Well, I can't use the excuse that we don't have soap, so I guess it's time to go start the laundry!

Zuchinni Bread Update

2011-09-20T14:53:00.000-07:00

My 1st batch of Zuchinni and Banana bread is down to it's last muffin so I decided it was time to make some more! As with most baked items, the once kinda gooey muffins got plenty dry by the end of the bag so this time I'm going to be fine with them being moist when they first come out.

My 2nd batch of Zuchinni bread is in the oven and I'm excited for the results! This time I added 2 full scoops of the vanilla whey powder, 4 TBS of soy protein powder, a full cup of apple sauce, I didn't have the Greek yogurt so I just added 1/2 cup of vanilla fat free yogurt, omitted the veg oil, and used zuchinni AND yellow squash since I had both. I also decided to skin them partially this time before I sent them through the Cuisinart.

The good news is that the points actually went down a bit because the amount of servings went up. I was able to make 24 mini (20gm) muffins, 11 regular (50-60gm) muffins, and fill one regular sized loaf pan (700gm). So when it comes down to points per serving, it's still just two points with one serving being 3 mini muffins, 1 regular muffin or 1 slice of the loaf (assuming I can cut it into 12 slices).

HOWEVER.....I just tried one of the mini's and found that a bunch of the muffin gets stuck on the paper. (I should've sprayed them! Forgot to jot that down last time to make sure I did it this time..oh well.) So the nerd in me just had to know how much of my muffin I was losing. :) So I weighed it and there's almost 6 gms left on the paper!! So if you have 3 minis that's almost a whole mini worth being left on your papers! So maybe you should have 4 minis for 2 points since you're gonna lose that extra one on the paper!? :) ha ha

I'm looking forward to inputting the data into a nutritional value calculator and find out how much goodness there is in it! :) But I figured with 94 grams of protein just from the whey and soy powders, that's at least 3 grams of protein per muffin! Not to mention what you get from the rest of the ingredients!

VERDICT: They're good! They are definitely a bit sweeter than the last batch. And Kevin actually ate one and said it wasn't bad - he may have even said it was good!

Thankful for a limited vocabulary.

2011-09-20T12:17:00.000-07:00

Today I came across a list of words that I am thankful that I not only can't pronounce, but that I have no idea what they mean. I was visiting "CarePages" because my husband's aunt just found out that her cancer is back and it's a pretty grim prognosis. She created a page there to share her journey and for her friends and family to stay in touch and offer support. The pages are set up with keywords so you can find other people who are going through similar journeys and gain/offer support through their pages. After visiting Karen's page, I decided I'd do a quick search for Trisomy 18. I know there are LOTS of sites out there just for T-18 families, and I have kinda steered clear of them after I got pregnant with Ashley, just not wanting to "go there". But I did the search anyway and came across this particular mom's profile. Her son didn't have full Trisomy 18 like Kristen, but it still made me realize that could have been me.

My son Hunter has tetralogy of fallot and just had it repaired on 11/18/2008.
Hunter has had a lot of surgeries including cleft palate repair, nissen fundoplication twice, hernia repair, ureter reimplant (kidney), mandibular distraction, mastoid surgery, and before the heart repair he had a right BT shunt.

So on the days when I am sad and bitter that I only got 64 hours with Kristen, I need to remind myself that any more time than that would have also come with a whole new vocabulary. These kinds of conditions and surgeries are just the way of life for many Trisomy families. Kristen had a number of hard to pronounce conditions herself, many of them I never did ever know, because it was obvious pretty early on that those conditions in and of themselves, weren't really going to matter in the long run. (Although that idiot cardiologist at St. Joe's who tried to explain heart abnormalities to a completely delirious and drugged up Momma sure was proud of himself and his vocabulary!)
But in the midst of my own "issues" that I have in dealing with all that surrounds Kristen's time here, I can be thankful that my limited time with my baby also came with it the blessing of a limited vocabulary.

Zucchini Banana Bread Muffins (2pts)

2011-09-15T20:32:00.000-07:00

I have really been enjoying being a “scientist” in my kitchen lately. When the time comes, I think I need to look for a job in a test kitchen somewhere, inventing and revamping recipes. I love it! I love to bake and instead of giving up my hobby just because I'm on Weight Watchers, I am enjoying finding ways to combine them. Healthy Baked Goods - no longer an oxymoron!

Much like anyone else who has zucchini in their backyard, I’m trying to come up with creative and healthy ways to use it up. I’ve wanted to make zucchini bread, but at 6 Weight Watchers points per slice (according to the original recipe), I wasn’t going to give it a try – knowing I could single-handedly polish off 2-3 slices in one sitting! So I set out to find a healthy recipe, which then I, of course, modified!

I’m happy to report that the preliminary batch made muffins that were only 2 points each – and if you make mini muffins, they’re only 1 point. (And depending on which scoop you use, I even got them down to 3 muffins per 2 points!) (see note below about calculating points and my view on fruits and veggies!)

It wasn’t as sweet as I had hoped, but that is easily fixed next time. They’re still cooling and are VERY moist, almost gooey. So I am going to use less zucchini next time and maybe a bit more whey powder to add flavor and help with the moisture. So far Ashley loves them and Kevin said they weren’t disgusting but he’s not a fan of zucchini to begin with, so I’ll take that as a compliment! :)

Some of the interesting modifications for this recipe:

Greek Yogurt – I used a small container of Yoplait Non-Fat Honey Flavored Greek Yogurt in place of some of the oil and eggs. It helped with the subbing as well as adding flavor.
Flax Meal – I used 2 TBS in hot water to make a healthy egg substitute.
Whole Wheat Pastry Flour – the recipe called for a cup of both white and whole-wheat flours, which essentially is how you make whole-wheat pastry flour – equal parts of both. So I just went with one ingredient!
Sweeteners – I assumed the other flavored items in the mix (yogurt, whey, vanilla) would help with the sweetness so I didn’t want to add the full amount of sugars – as well as trying to get it “healthier”. I used half regular white sugar and half organic sucanat – which is pretty much just really raw sugar. (I got a small bulk bag of it at Marlene’s to start experimenting with.) The recipe is definitely not too sweet, but it could use a little something else. I guess it just makes them taste that much healthier. J
Vanilla Whey – we have the big bag of vanilla whey protein from Costco that I’ve only used to make shakes so far. But today I read in someone’s comments to the recipe I found that they added a scoop of the powder to their recipe. I figured it was worth a try considering it just adds protein and flavor and very little else!
Chia Gel – I still need to get my full post about Chia written, but I’m still using it and finding all kinds of new ways to incorporate it into our foods. I have a mason jar of the gel in the fridge for times like this when I just want to add a bit more power punch to my food without adding too much flavor or calories.
Soy Protein Powder – I didn’t add this ingredient this time, but I am considering it. It’s an easy way to add a considerable amount of protein without adding the fat. and it might help with the moisture issue too.

So here it is! And, I do suggest mixing the dry and wet separately – I don’t remember all the science behind it, but I remember reading there are real reasons to do it!

Dry Ingredients:
2 cups Whole Wheat Pastry Flour
1 cup Regular Oats
1.5 tsp Baking Powder
1.5 tsp Baking Soda
1.5 tsp Cinnamon
.25 tsp Allspice
.25 tsp Nutmeg (I didn’t use this much as I thought it was overpowering)
1 tsp Salt
1 scoop Whey Protein Powder (1 scoop is about 35grams)

Wet Ingredients:
1 egg
1 egg white
2 Tbs Flax Seed Meal mixed with ¼ cup hot water to make egg substitute
.5 tsp Vanilla Extract
.25 cup Sugar
.25 cup Sucanat
1 Tbs Vegetable Oil (optional, could probably omit completely)
1 6oz cup Yoplait Greek 2x Protein Fat Free Yogurt Honey Vanilla
3 Tbs Chia Gel
2 cups Zucchini – shredded
2 bananas – I keep left over ones in the freezer and then zap them in the microwave for 1-2 mins when I need them.

Preheat oven to 325*. (original recipes call for 350, but I found the insides didn’t cook as well as the outsides, so I lowered the temp and went longer. This might not be an issue with a less moist batter.)
Mix together the dry ingredients and set aside.
In a separate bowl beat the eggs and flax meal mixture.
Add the sugars, oil (if using), yogurt, chia gel and vanilla.
Add the dry and wet ingredients together until just combined.
Fold in the zucchini and bananas.
Pour into either 2 greased loaf pans, 24 lined muffin cups, or 45 lined mini muffin cups, or a combination of all three!
Bake until they test done. (I use dry spaghetti noodles to test them!) My regular sized muffins took almost 45 minutes and the minis took almost 30+.

POINTS CALCULATIONS:
According to the Weight Watchers Recipe Builder program, it takes into account all the ingredients and calculates the point values based on the entire recipe. So if you make something with fruits and veggies, it will count those normally “free” items and they will contribute to the over all point values. So when I make things that have fruits and veggies in them, I choose to leave them out of the builder. Example: a fruit smoothie – when entered into the recipe builder, you add points to your smoothie by adding all the fruit you put in it. If you eat that fruit by itself, they’re 0 points. So for this Zucchini Banana bread recipe, I didn’t enter the zucchini or bananas. If I had, they would have added 7 points to the whole recipe. Maybe not a whole lot, but enough to leave them out in my opinion! You are more than welcome to add them back in for a different point value.
Without them the whole recipe is 52 points ∻ divided by 24 muffins = 2.167 each = 2 Points.
With them the whole recipe is 59 points ∻ divided by 24 muffins = 2.45each = still 2 Points since WW rounds their points up/down. But if you change anything in the recipe, the points might go up more dramatically with the "free" items included. :) Personal preference!!

Nutrition Facts for 24 Servings
Amount Per Serving
Calories 73.3
Total Fat 1.2 g
Cholesterol 10.8 mg
Sodium 233.9 mg
Potassium 31.2 mg
Total Carbohydrate 11.5 g
Dietary Fiber 1.6 g
Sugars 2.8 g
Protein 3.7 g
(I don't think the chia and whey "goodness" came through on the nutritional value chart. But I know they're in there, adding nutritional value! Makes this less of a "dessert" and more of a healthy snack, one I don't mind letting my 15 month old eat!)

Skinny Mini Monster Cookies

2011-09-02T04:26:00.000-07:00

Skinny Mini Monster Cookies

By Tara Balcom

One of our family's favorite cookies is the Monster Cookie. My grandmother's recipe makes 12+ dozen huge cookies, enough for a small army! So I quartered it, made some healthy, creative substitutions (trying chia seeds & peanut flour) and wha-lah!! A healthier version that doesn't necessarily "taste healthy". I entered my ingredients in the Weight Watchers Recipe Builder and it said each cookies was only 1 point. I was so excited until I realized I left off the highest point ingredient: oats. (bummer!) So now the cookies only “cost” 2 WW points which still isn't bad. (51 or more cookies from this recipe will yield 2pt cookies. 50 or less will yield 3 pt cookies.) However, they are packed with lots of healthy goodness so they're not just your normal cookie! :) I’m still in the creating/testing phase so check back for a more “refined” finish product! And don't be put off by the crazy list of ingredients. The original recipe had quite a few, then for most of the substitutions I used 1/2 the original ingredient and 1/2 the sub, hence the long list!

I will make another post about my experimenting with chia seeds for those who have no idea what I'm talking about. And yes, they are the same ch-ch-ch-chia! seeds you remember from TV! :)

WW PPV values

2		eggs	4
1		Chia seed egg substitute: 1 T Chia meal & 3 T of warm water	1
2	Tbsp	flax seed meal, butter substitute: 1 TBS flax meal with 3 TBS warm water	1
2	Tbsp	chia gel (see directions before you start)	0
4	Tbsp	margarine	8
½	cup	packed brown sugar	12
¾	cup	sugar	16
¼	cup	honey	8
1	tsp	vanilla extract	0
1 ½	tsp	light corn syrup	1
2	Tbsp	wheat germ	1
1	Tbsp	dry chia seed	1
3	Tbsp	soy protein powder (from bulk bins at WinCo)	1
1	cup	Protein Plus peanut flour	12
2	tsp	baking soda	0
4 ½	Cups	Quick oats	19
4 ½	Cups	Rolled oats	19
3	oz	mini chocolate chips (from bulk bins at WinCo)	10
2 ¾	oz	Plain M&M's (you can use more if you want, that just what I had left in the bag!)	10

Before you begin, if you don’t have it ready, you'll want to get your chia gel started (1/4c chia seeds + 2c warm water in a qt jar, shake well, let sit for 10 mins, shake again then refrigerate; can be stored for up to 2 weeks) and your egg & butter subs started (chia & flax, I’ve read you can use chia seeds OR meal for the egg sub, I was experimenting so I ground mine). That way when you need them, they're ready.

I used some of the random things I had in my cupboards left over from other recipes, so feel free to omit/substitute your own ingredients, taking into account their effect on overall points.

Preheat oven to 350°. In a large mixer beat 2 eggs (could do whites, but I wasn't sure how much subbing I could do!), 4 TBS room temp margarine, 2 TBS of the flax meal w/ water mixture (butter sub), 2 TBS chia meal w/ water mixture (butter sub), sugars, corn syrup & vanilla. Mix well. (goal here is to add volume/air to the butter/eggs)

In a large mixing bowl combine dry ingredients: wheat germ (optional), dry chia (optional but only adds good stuff!) soy protein powder (optional but helps add nutritional value) 1 cup peanut flour (or reg peanut butter, but this is 1/4 the points & fat as reg PB!!), oats and baking soda. Mix well.

Add dry ingredients to the mixer and combine until well blended. Add chocolate chips & M&M's, and any other goodies you prefer (again, taking into account the points values).

I used a smaller cookie scoop (got it at Target) and filled a cookie sheet covered w/ parchment with dough balls to flash freeze them - and verify my count. This recipe made exactly 70 cookie balls (minus the couple of spoonfuls of dough my husband ate!). This step is optional if counting how many cookies the batch makes isn't important to you. If you're counting points however, it's what makes these 2 pt cookies!

Place on parchment lined cookie sheet and flatten. They don't spread so you don't have to have them too spaced out. Bake at 350° for 9-10 mins. Let sit on cookie sheet for a min or two then transfer to cooling rack. Enjoy!!!

I welcome and would appreciate any comments, suggestions, ideas you may have. I already have a number of ideas of how I'm going to tweak this recipe the next time I make it. I was really hoping for 1 point cookies, so it's back to the drawing board for me! But I'm now armed with more knowledge of how to use some of my healthy ingredients and excited to see what I come up with next!!

Summer Strolling

2011-08-08T21:42:00.000-07:00

Ashley's been working on walking for quite a while now. She hasn't been in any rush to stay on her feet, finding that crawling is just as easy as walking. But while we've been in Spokane she's started enjoying the freedom of walking!! Here's a few video clips of her walking as well as having fun with her big sissy Katelynn!! I love when they get along so well!!

A Beautiful Sunday!

2011-07-12T22:45:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we were blessed with amazing weather - YES, here in the Puget Sound!! On Sunday after church we headed up to Kirkland to see a friend of mine and her new baby (along with her 2 year old and her mom). Simone and I lived/studied together in Venezuela during our Jr. year of high school as exchange students. She moved here with her husband about 2 years ago and I think we've seen each other 3 times since then. So when I heard she was moving to Miami, I knew we had to go see her!

Simone holding Alina, Me holding Baby Julia and Baby Ashley,
Katelynn and Daddy (so bummed we didn't get Peggy in there!)

She just had a baby 4 weeks ago (and looks AMAZING!), had her house (and car!) packed up by the movers, and has been living at a friend's house with her 2 girls and her mom who's been visiting for a few weeks and will travel with her and the girls to Miami in 2 days. Whew!
Thank God for Grandmas!!! I don't envy Simone at all for all that she's going through (and will go through over the next few days!) but she's amazing and I know she'll go GREAT!! It was so good to see her and her mom, and of course her little kiddos! I even got to hold the baby! :)

ANYWAY....all that to say, we had great time at a park so the bigger girls could play and the mommas could chat. (And thanks to my wonderful hubby who took care of our littlest one most of the time!)

After our visit we decided to take a ferry across the sound for a long, scenic drive home. (and a yummy dinner in Poulsbo!!) It was Katelynn's first ride on a ferry so it was a big adventure!! And it just so happened that our ferry was named the "Spokane" (where I'm from)! We had someone take a photo of us with the sign but he didn't quite get all of us. Oh well. The 2nd photo he took was much better! Katelynn had so much fun out on the boat deck. It was such a beautiful day!

just a bit windy!!

my pretty little flower girl!

Mini Me's

2011-07-04T17:06:00.000-07:00

I love comparing photos of me and the girls. Like the one I did last fall with a photo of Katelynn and I close to the same age.

Well, I have a set of music boxes that (I think) belonged to my grandma. I have no idea how old they are or even where they came from. And I have a photo of me as a baby listening to one of them. (They have pull strings to make the music and one sings "rain drops keep falling on my head" and one sings "the hills are alive".) As Ashley was playing with one of them today I realized I needed to get my camera for another "one of those photos". :) It's not a perfect match, but it was pretty close!! At least we both have the messy hair look!!

Piggy Tails

2011-07-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

Katelynn didn't really get hair until about 18 months so I've been having a lot of fun with Ashley's! We started with her bangs in a pony a few months back and this weekend I decided to try "real" ponytails. I always see babies with their hair pulled back and wonder how their moms did it with wiggly babies. I'm still wondering! I was luck to barely get a photo of them!!
I know I'm biased, but I gotta say that's one cute baby!!!
Oh, and the outfit was a baby gift last year from our friends the Huff's. It's a 6 month outfit and I wasn't sure if she'd ever get to wear it last summer. (which she didn't because we never really even had summer!) Thankfully I hung onto it and she fits it great now! :)

SUMMER!! (finally!)

2011-06-26T15:10:00.000-07:00

We are ultra-blessed with amazing neighbors who are like surrogate grandparents to our girls and good friends to us. They have a pool that is a dream come true on a summer day. (Judy won't swim in cold water so she keeps it between 87 and 92 degrees!!) Last summer Ashley was still a little too young and vulnerable to go swimming (then again, did we ever really even have a summer!!??). So last week we took Ashley over for her first swim!! She wasn't too sure about it and much preferred sitting atop the floating chaise lounge instead of being in the water! Katelynn did awesome and it's fun to mark the passing of each year with how deep she can go and still touch!

Braids!!

2011-06-26T15:03:00.000-07:00

I've never been very good at "doing hair". But when Katelynn asked for ponytail braids (I give her two pony tails then do a basic braid) I thought I might try doing a french braid. For my first time I think they came out pretty well!! Granted, I had a beautiful canvas to work with! :) We have issues with her bangs always dropping in her face and all but have to force her to wear a clip to keep them back. With her hair growing out, I'm looking forward to her wearing her hair like this to school in the fall and not looking like a ragga-muffin when she comes home! :)

Just a quick trip to the store

2011-06-20T17:12:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend we bought $100 of gift cards at Albertson's during their Gift Card promo (buy $100 of GC's and get a $20 Albertson's GC!). We were planning on spending money at Home Depot and knew we'd be eating out at some point in the near future anyway, so it was a no brainer. We got our $100 in gift cards and came away with $20 to spend at Albertson's.
Then this morning I needed to go get milk and thought I'd check the blogs before I headed out. Saw that a catalina was printing sooner than expected so I scored a double catalina promo, with coupons and my $20 gift card - making for a super cheap trip!!
8 boxes of cereal, 6 boxes of granola bars, 4 boxes of fruit snacks, 2 bags of chex mix all triggered the free milk (should have been 5 but only got 4, redeeming 2 this trip), a $3 cat off my next trip, 20 box tops, then I bought the extras on the right (found out Ashley loves fried fish and Albertson's has all their single portions for $1 each).

So, $21 for all that AND 2 more free milks and $3 off my next trip! Essentially $.61 for each item in the photo. (doesn't count the 2 additional free milks and $3 off my next trip)

This would have cost me $120 if I paid full price!!

Before & After

2011-06-19T20:32:00.000-07:00

I've always loved before and after photos of things. I have a bunch that I need to get posted but the latest to our collection is our entertainment center. It was given to me when my grandma passed away a few years ago. It was beautiful, had lots of storage, yet, it was massive!! Our neighbors had a very similar one that they "modified" a couple of years ago and we had considered doing the same thing. It was hard to think we'd be taking apart something that was in such nice condition. I knew my grandparents had paid a lot of money for it and it's hard to find furniture these days that are made to this kind of quality. But as we were moving furniture around this weekend we started talking about it....again. We couldn't make more than $50 or so (at best!) on Craigslist if we tried to sell it. Even if we did sell it, we'd still need to come up with considerably more to buy an entertainment center that we could use as well as this one. But if we cut it down to size (like our neighbors had done to theirs) we'd be losing the quality of the piece and how we saw it, the "value" of the item would be lost. BUT, it would serve our purpose and it would be what we needed. So after weighing all our options, we decided to do it. Ultimately, it hadn't cost us anything, it would still be useful to us when we were done, and it wasn't going to cost us a thing to convert it.

As the photos show, it came our beautifully!!! I love being married to a Handy Man!! Once we put it back in our living room we were SOOO happy we did it. And of course started asking ourselves, "why didn't we do this sooner!?" And if you're familiar with our living room before, you can tell the amazing difference it makes!!
(Granted the "before" photo is the photo I took before we redid the living room back in March, but it gives you an idea of how different that wall looks with the entertainment center cut down. LOVE IT!!)

Day 2 & 3 of the Bathroom Remodel

2011-05-10T19:13:00.000-07:00

Work continues on the bathroom!! Yesterday they did quite a bit of "infrastructure" done with doing some plumbing and getting the tub ready for tile. Then this morning they started tiling and finished the plumbing for the new sink and new hot water heater, then laid the flooring and covered up the holes in the walls. Tomorrow should be grout and the new vanity and counters go in!! It's getting closer!!

The one things we're so thankful for is that nothing "odd" has popped up creating difficulties for the contractor. That was one of the reasons why we hired him instead of doing it ourselves. We have done enough smaller jobs in this house to know that things aren't always as simple as they seem and small jobs turn into real headaches. So far, to my knowledge, there haven't been any headaches! :)

The New Bathroom - Day 1 ... DEMO!!!

2011-05-09T12:29:00.000-07:00

We are finally taking on our 1964 bathroom and remodeling it this week. We've been saving our dollars and pinching our pennies and it's finally time!! We have a contractor we're working with so we can help do some of the work - but we're leaving the "big stuff" up to him!!
Here's a few photos from Kevin's demo day!

BEFORE DEMO:
AFTER DEMO:

The previous owners used one of the tilt-out cabinets as a hamper....Kevin found a few interesting things to say the least! This training bra is probably from the late '60s!!!

Katelynn got to help Daddy with some of the demo. We didn't have safety glasses for her so she got to wear her sunglasses!

The Last Toothless Grin

2011-04-16T21:47:00.000-07:00

I took 303 photos tonight in about 15 minutes trying to get my last photo of Ashley's toothless grin. I saw this morning that her first tooth is just starting to peek through her bottom gums. Although I'm looking forward to her being able to eat more food with more teeth, I sure do love my little toothless baby!!!
The photo isn't the clearest, but just looking at it make me smile!

My Beautiful Girls!

2011-03-19T16:39:00.000-07:00

Katelynn is going to be the flower girl in a friend's wedding tomorrow and here are a few photos from rehearsal. (She got a "wedding Barbie" as a gift! Obviously she's thrilled!!)

Katelynn and Katie, the bride. They even had their hair done the same way - by accident!

While I was in the car with Ashley, I got a couple of really cute shots of her - and her new discovery : her tongue! :)

This is a photo from a little while ago, but I just love it. I love getting photos of her in a happy mood - it reminds me that she has good moments! :)

Ashley's 10 Months Old!!!

2011-03-18T11:19:00.000-07:00

Ashely's 10 months old today! Time sure is flying!!!
Here's a few funny photos/videos of our little girl when she's happy :)
And one of her new talent: touching her chin with her tongue!!

My Girls

2010-11-16T17:02:00.000-08:00

The quality of the photos didn't come through as I had hoped but they still look pretty great. I took these while waiting in our dentist's lobby. We may head back there for more photos some day!! :)

I love dimples, even on elbows!!

I've fallen and I can't get up!!

Sticks and Stones

2010-09-26T05:45:00.000-07:00

I heard someone make a judgmental comment the other day and didn't think much of it. It was in character for them and I did what I could to dismiss it. It wasn't directed at me personally, but it very well could have been. The criticism was aimed at a "nameless and faceless" individual on TV who wouldn't hear the jeering comment or be shamed by the judgment that was being sentenced through the screen. But as I sat in silence, I painfully knew that person could very easily be me and I wondered if the same comments would have been said if was me.

It wasn't until I heard my 4 year old repeat the exact same expression the very next day that it broke my heart. She didn't know what she was saying, she was just repeating what she had heard. But this time, it hurt. She said it with the same attitude and belittling she had heard it said the day before. Again, it wasn't directed at me personally, but hearing that criticism and condescending attitude come from my sweet preschooler was heart breaking. I stopped in my tracks and tried to gently explain to her why what she said was not okay, how it hurts people's feelings when those things are said, and that compassion was a better choice instead of finger pointing. I tried to explain that the person who said it wasn't being nice, without making them out to be a bad person. But it made me so painfully aware how easily we pass on our values to our children and how easily they pick up on things. Now, granted, this little 4 year old has always been extremely perceptive and picked up on things way too quickly! But this incident made me want to be more careful of how I say things and be aware of how they may be perceived by 4 year old little ears and to encourage anyone who is around her, or any child for that matter, to be aware of what you say. Preschoolers don't get sarcasm and don't really have a sense of when something is a joke and when it's not or when something is appropriate to be repeated or not. If you wouldn't say something to someone's face, don't say it around a child....because they probably will.

"Stick and stones may break my bones....but words will break my heart." Choose your words wisely. Please.

I made it.

2010-09-14T22:27:00.000-07:00

I wrote this on Labor Day and thought I'd come back and finish it when I was able to collect my thoughts better. Well, it's been over a week and they're no more collected than when I started writing so I'm just gonna hit publish and post the darn thing!!

I made it.

I made it through Labor Day Weekend.

Labor Day Weekend will always be Kristen's weekend to me. Sure there are her "dates" of Aug 29 & Sept 1. But I will always remember and refer to it as Labor Day weekend 2008.

We went to the hospital full of excitement and anticipation on Friday morning and we came home utterly devastated with empty arms Monday afternoon. Because it was a holiday weekend, our little corner of the NICU was pretty much all ours with only 1 or 2 visitors for other babies the whole time we were there. I was only in the same building as her (and coherent!) for about 20 hours of the precious 64 she was given, but I am so thankful I got what I did. I remember that weekend so vividly, yet sometimes it seems like it was all a bad dream. (I just re-read my blog post about that first and last morning with Kristen, ugh. more like a nightmare than a dream!)

But its hard to believe it's already been two years. I wonder if I am where I'm "supposed to be" by the two year mark. I'm reminded there is no timeline, although, our culture is really bad at showing it. Sometimes I'm glad that no one remembers her, or at least doesn't mention to me that they remember her, because it makes it easier for me when I want to pretend it never happened. There are days like that. When I feel like I have some "secret" about who I really am but I just want to be like all the other moms. But I'm not. I'm reminded that everytime I see a happy birth anouncement "baby and mom are doing great!" Although I am honestly and truly happy for them, I can't help but be a little jealous. No, a lot jealous. I'll never get the chance to send out that happy news.

So although there's no "timeline" I wonder where I'm supposed to be. I know of a few people that make huge deals out of their deceased baby's birthday. Nothing wrong with that. But I guess it's just not me. I wouldn't have anyone to make it a big deal with, I wouldn't want to make it weird for anyone I suppose. When I shared with my mom a few weeks before this weekend that I didn't know what or how I wanted to observe her birthday she said something along the lines of "well, you can always celebrate her in your heart." At first I wanted to roll my eyes and say "whatever!" but now that the weekend has passed, all I really did was remember her in my heart. Feels kinda lame, like I'm not doing justice to what she really means to me. But then I remember her every day in my own way and making a big deal out of it, well, I guess I worry it would weird people out. I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but I want to be normal, even though I know I'm not. Not in that way, anyway.

So, I made it. Even if "making it" meant ignoring it, hoping it wouldn't hurt, holding my breath for the significance of the weekend to go away, yet all the time wishing someone knew how important this weekend was to me. So now back to the business and distraction of every day life....and pretending to be normal.

Cupcakes for Kristen

2010-08-29T13:33:00.000-07:00

On our way home from church today I asked Katelynn what she thought we should do to remember Kristen on her birthday. "Let's make cupcakes" was her first answer. We had already talked about that, so I said "Sure! What else?" "And candles too." "Okay. Anything else we can do to remember her?" She thinks for a minute and then says "Happy Birthday presents!" To which I replied, "Oh Honey, Kristen isn't here to open presents." She quickly answers enthusiastically, "That's okay, I can open her presents for her!"
So I of course had to ask what kind of presents we should get. She went through a whole list of presents sounding much like a shopping list for her! "a new skirt with leggin's, a shirt, some tights, and maybe some socks." Then out of no where she added that we should buy sippy cups. I think cupcakes will do. :)

I just do.

2010-08-12T01:06:00.000-07:00

I miss Kristen tonight. I've had a few times like these lately where I have flashbacks and am kinda taken by surprise by the power of my memories and the overwhelming emotion associated with them. Just remembering that last morning/day with her and doing my best to "stay present" in the midst of everything. I remember feeling so intensely and allowing myself to emote in anyway I wanted to. There's freedom and amazing physical release in sobbing. That was the first time I think I ever really did it - for real.
I often wonder if I try not to remember out of fear that it will take away the joy from having Ashely. But instead I'm just reminded. Reminded how awful that was and how wonderful this is. I'm reminded to be thankful even on days like today when Ashley seemed to cry for most of the day. Oh what I would have given to hear Kristen cry. But instead I have memories of her sweet little snoring sounds and her little noises she'd make.
I wish I had more positive memories of her. I do have some, but most of them are overshadowed by the pain of the whole experience. I want to be able to look back and smile - which I do, sometimes. But when I let myself really remember, it hurts. I guess the thoughts of Kristen make me happy - she was and always will be my baby. But its the memories that are harder to deal with.
I hear parents all the time say when they're expecting their 2nd child "how will I be able to love another one as much as I love my first?" I struggle with wondering how I will be able to still miss and grieve my 2nd and still enjoy and love my 3rd. But the answer is the same for both questions "You just do."
I am so in love with Ashley (and Katelynn) and I so deeply miss Kristen. I just do.

A day in the life of a baby

2010-08-03T17:57:00.000-07:00

In case you wondered where Ashley's title of FEISTY came form in the NICU! :)

Pardon Our Dust ... while we live life

2010-08-03T16:08:00.000-07:00

I just read a blog post that is so encouraging to where I am at the moment. You can read it here. Sarah recounts having unexpected company knock on the door and her house is in no way company-worthy...much like mine is most of the time. But her guest reminds her that he's not there to inspect her clutter but to spend time with the people that made it. He says his house used to look like that too when there were kids there. Now that it's just him, there aren't those signs of life lying on the couch or filling the sink. My heart sunk for a moment. I was reminded that there will come a day when PBS Kids will not be part of my morning routine, when pacifiers and ponytail bands aren't hiding in the couch, the sink won't be filled with sippy cups and half eaten meals, and there will only be two toothbrushes in the bathroom. Although some days I look forward to that moment, I know it will be here too soon and I will long for these days of baby clutter and carseats.

Reading her blog made me want to make a big sign for my front door:

Pardon Our Dust - Life In Progress.

If you're here to see us, please come in and watch your step.

If you're here to see our house, come back when our kids are in college.

Copy Cat Artist?

2010-07-24T14:57:00.000-07:00

This week I heard Katelynn call from the other room, where the marker board is "Hey Mom, come look! I made treasure island!" I had no idea what she was talking about until I came around the corner. She had found my keys which has the tag from our kids check-in system at church. She correlated it with "Treasure Island", the kids building at the main campus, and deedless to say it was photo-worthy!

A family resemblance?

2010-07-24T14:52:00.000-07:00

We get asked all the time who we think Ashely looks like....I think she looks like herself! But Katelynn on the other hand...there's times she looks just like Kevin and other times she looks just like me. I can't find the ones where she looks like Kevin at the moment but take a look at these!!

Palace Life

2010-07-24T12:37:00.000-07:00

Do you consider your home a palace? I mean really, a home for royalty. How do you see your home? Your bed, your kitchen, your yard? There are millions, probably billions of people that, if given just a glimpse of your life would think you were royalty living in a posh palace. No matter what your home looks like. If you are able to read this, meaning you've had some education, you have power wherever you're at, and you have internet access which most of us pay for, then you are better off than millions of people. And to them, you live like royalty.

I caught a few minutes of a film last week during a 2am feeding that has been resonating in my head ever since. I don't know what the movie was and the part I saw was actually very disturbing. However, when I went back to bed I had a new perspective on life that is still changing how I look at my every day surroundings. The movie depicted the life of a single mother and her three young children as refugees in Africa. What they owned they carried, where they slept was wherever they stopped, what they drank or ate was always uncertain and their safety was always under attack. This was their reality. For that mother, her hope was to make it through another day without harm to her or her children. Comfort wasn't even in her vocabulary. So as I went back to bed and put Ashely safely in her bassinet I though of her. I thought of what she'd think of my home, my bedroom with my comfy bed and the bassinet where my daughter sleeps peacefully. Would she be amazed that ONE FAMILY lives in this home even though we talk of wanting more space? Would she see my home and our furnishing as lavish even though I see them as comfortable and common? It's not wrong for me to live here and have these things, but it was during that 2am feeding that I gained a whole new appreciation for and perspective of the many blessings I have.

There are billions of people around the world that don't even know we exist. They may not even know the earth is round or that there are billions of other people here. In their reality, in their world, someone as myself would be looked on as royalty with how I live. This huge structure that I didn't even build, my family well fed, clean and with too many clothes for their own good; just the fact that we have need for (and use!) closets and pantries, it's just a fairy tale or a dream to so many. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to live in the White House or one of those crazy multi-million-dollar mansions you see on TV, and it is with that same wonderment I realize millions if not billions of people wonder what it's like to live in MY house, this palace of sorts. Welcome to palace life.

purposeful faith

2010-07-24T11:16:00.000-07:00

"You know, I think we expected our faith to make this hurt less, but it doesn't. Our faith gave us an incredible amount of strength and encouragement while we had [baby] Hope, and we are comforted by the knowledge that she is in heaven. Our faith keeps us from being swallowed by despair. But I don't think it makes our loss hurt any less."
-from Nancy Guthrie's book "Holding on to Hope."

Craking up with Froooooot-caaaaaake

2010-07-01T08:33:00.000-07:00

Although they're not really clear, I've gotten some great smile shots of Ashley on my cell phone. The first one I actually got while repeating one of Katelynn's cartoon characters from her Hermie & Wormie videos. He says the word fruitcake as if he was in a trance "frooooot-caaaake". Ashley thought is was pretty funny! Now Katelynn keeps going up to her and saying "fruitcake, fruitcake!! thinking it's the word, not how it's said. Still cute!!

Post #200 - We're all smiles!!

2010-06-27T21:28:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe there are 200 posts on this blog! I know it's not much compared to some blogs, but considering the life that is contained in these "pages", I'd say it deserves a photo of one of Ashley's first smiles! Okay, two photos! Nama Kathy was getting her to grin and then along comes Big Sister and out comes the smile!

Thank you to all our "followers" that have been keeping tabs on us via our blog. This blog started out as a way to share photos with family, then it turned into a way to keep everyone updated on what was going on with Kristen. It then became an outlet for me to journal the crooked path of healing I/we were being lead on. Now it has once again become the place for us to share life from inside the Balcom home - as we're able! Blogging tends to take the back seat to screaming babies and needy preschoolers!!Life is still going on, some days its easier to blog than others, but I hope to continue chronicling life here. The good and the not-so-good. It's all a gift just the same.

A Day at the Cabin

2010-06-27T21:17:00.000-07:00

We headed up to the cabin on Saturday - it was just too nice to stay home! It was a beautiful drive and a nice visit. Kevin's parents are still finishing up the cabin but it's looking GREAT!! Here's a few photos from our visit.

A gorgeous day for a drive! I love that this is in my "back yard."

Helping Papa install the kitchen sink.
"If I tickle you will it help?"

Playing with the big bubble maker from Warren & Peggy.

Ashley loves the wrap! So does mommy!

I love this photo!

Daddy's little girl and a little girl's hero!

Family Weekend

2010-06-27T21:08:00.000-07:00

My parents were here for the weekend of my brother's graduation & Father's Day. Katelynn had so much fun showing off her little sister!

A new playmate!

Talk about an excited big sister!
She's always asking to hold her. I love it!

Travis' Graduation

2010-06-27T20:34:00.000-07:00

My brother Travis graduated with his Masters on Father's Day weekend and we were more than happy to celebrate with him. He's been in school as long as he's been married - TEN YEARS! His wife deserves an award herself for being so supportive of his marathon education. Way to go both of you!! Here's a few photos from the day.

My Sister-In-Law Amanda, Katelynn and my mom Lynn, all waiting for the ceremony to start.

Katelynn did such a great job during the whole 2 hour ceremony....thanks mainly in part to Auntie Manda's cell phone with game apps!! :)

Katelynn is a smart-phone addict! That's usually the first question she'll ask someone "can I see your phone?" So she was so excited to introduce Dylan (2yrs old) to the coloring game on Auntie's phone!

Grammy was in heaven!

Travis' father-in-law has a great sense of humor and creativity when it comes to gift giving! I didn't get a photo of the plaque, but there's plaque at the bottom of the abacus.

The Roberts/Balcom Clan.

My parents were in the Navy with Cathy and Joe George in Newfoundland back in the '70s. They took care of my brother while my parents were at the hospital while I was being born. We have a photo of Travis on her lap when he was just a little one, then another one of her on his lap when he was 18 or so. They opted for side-by-side photos this time!!

Decisions Desicions

2010-06-23T09:38:00.000-07:00

I need to blog. I love to blog. There's so much to share. I have a 5 week old, beautiful baby girl that I haven't written anything about. I need to blog. But then there's sleep...I need to sleep. I love to sleep. They say sleep when the baby sleeps....that's not always practical. During one of my prenatal visits the midwife and I were talking about being proactive against any kind of postpartum "blues" since that was so prominent after Katelynn was born and she said a huge help would be to do my best to get a 4-hour chunk of sleep every 24 hours. I thought, oh, that's all I need? I can do that. I can count on one hand how many times that's happened in the last 5 weeks. Surprisingly I'm still functioning! Some days better than others. But I'm starting to see that I really do need to work on getting just a bit more. Yes, I need to sleep. But I also need to eat. Knowing that keeping my body healthy will help maximize any sleep I do eventually get. Quite often I just plain forget. I get wrapped up in feeding Ashley, taking care of Katelynn, getting us ready to go here or there, and realize I haven't eaten since dinner! So I'm trying to do better with my mornings, but when I'm faced with the decision of what to do with the unknown amount of time I have between Ashley finally falling asleep and Katelynn not yet waking up, the decisions aren't so easy. I don't know how long I have so do I chance going to sleep and only getting 20 mins? If I take time to eat something I'll have less time to do anything else, like get on the computer and somehow connect with the outside world :). But when I get on the computer there's just so much to do! So I decided it was time to blog, at least to let people know I'm alive! Then I'll get something to eat. Oh, look, Katelynn's awake! Good thing I didn't try going to sleep! Maybe I'll get a nap later....ha, right! Because when that opportunity presents itself, I'll once again have to decide: I need to sleep, I need to eat, write thank you's, shower, grocery shop, reply to e-mails, do the dishes, pack up maternity clothes, blog, post photos, send out birth announcements, connect with friends, (assuming they remember who I am after all this time!) :) plan playdates for Katelynn, uh, just writing that list makes me want to take a nap. After I get Katelynn and I something to eat.

But on a lighter note, this morning while Ashely was awake from 2-4:30, I think I got my first real smile. Not those gastro induced ones she's done since we brought her home that she does in her sleep, but a real, eye contact open mouth grin. What a cutie!

Full Photo Shoot

2010-06-08T18:28:00.000-07:00

Here's the full photo shoot!!

Week 2 Baby Update :)

2010-06-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe that Ashley's already 18 days old!! Granted, 6 of those days were in the hospital and I was in a daze so I don't remember them very well. But here we are - home, healthy, and doing just fine. I'm sorry I haven't updated the blog much as I know there are lots of people checking it regularly for updates. Thank you!! We are doing well and truly appreciate all your messages - we just haven't had time to write you back!!

We had a check up this week and in the week that we'd had her home she gained just shy of a full pound (we brought her home a pretty much birth weight since she had maintained it due to IV's) and has already grown an inch since birth! The first week home she pretty much just slept. I think the first week of her life was so overwhelming she needed a week to recover!! It took her a few days to not flinch when we'd touch her because she was so used to having touch or movement mean someone was going to do something to her. Her feet were really sensitive for a while because that's where they did the blood draws. With all the sleeping in the first week home I was beginning to wonder what her personality was going to be since the feistyness that was there in the very beginning wasn't so obvious...well, she's still feisty!! She will go from zero to 60 in less than 2-3 seconds but thankfully she will also go 60 to zero in about 5. :) Most of the time! She usually just needs to be held and/or swaddled and she's good to go. She loves her vibrating chair - so much so that I went on Craiglist and got a bassinet that also has vibration! Unfortunately last night it started making a crazy screeching noise so we couldn't use that function last night. But when it comes to getting your baby to sleep, you'll do almost anything, even buy more baby equipment!! Now to get the other one sold....That's the one nice thing with knowing we won't have any more babies - as Ashley grows out of things we don't have to hang onto them!!

Katelynn has done really well with being a Big Sister. There hasn't been any animosity towards Ashley, which I was really worried about, having heard so many stories of older siblings wanting to "give the baby back." She loves to show her off to anyone that we meet or that comes to the house and she loves to show her things. "Hey Baby Ashley, look at my toy....Baby Ashley you want to see my toy again? Look at this Ashley, look at my toy! Mommy, can I show her my toy again?" We've had to ban her from touching her if we're not holding her after a slight car seat rocking incident. :( I try to encourage her to hug and kiss her as much as she wants to - as long as one of us is holding her!! She loves to dance for her and sing her songs, it's very cute! The only one not loving it so much is the dog. She won't sleep in our room anymore. :)

Kevin and I are doing pretty well considering. Kevin went back to work this week and I think we did pretty good. Two out of the four nights Ashley did pretty good sleep wise, the other two...not so much. We haven't yet figured out who does what during the night, so during the week Kevin helped get her to sleep and then I got up when she did. Knowing her schedule will keep changing for the next few weeks/months, we just have to be flexible! We've been blessed by friends & family coming off and on bringing meals, helping to take care of the house, and spend some 1:1 time with Katelynn. I think I'm healing fine, I've never had the chance to recover "normally" from a c-section so I don't know how I should be feeling! I do think I over did it a bit this week, as I'm getting sore, so today is going to be all about rest!! (after I get the blog updated of course!) But with Katelynn at Nama's for the weekend, Ashley asleep, Daddy working on the patio cover, I think rest is just what the doctor ordered!!

Newborn Photos

2010-06-05T09:06:00.000-07:00

Woo-hoo!! We got our photos back from our photographer last night and we are so pleased!!! We obviously couldn't post all of them, so here's a look at some of our favorites! Thank you Sarah!! www.sarahdawnphotography.com

Daddy and his three princesses

2010-06-03T12:40:00.000-07:00

I just couldn't wait to post this - I don't have the rest of them, but here's a sneak peak at our photo shoot from last week. Don't I have a beautiful family!! And doesn't Sarah do an amazing job!! I wanted a way to incorporate Kristen into our family photos without it being "weird." I think this came out beautifully!!
Thank you Sarah!! http://www.sarahdawnphotography.com/

Daddy and his three princesses :)

Blogs

2010-05-31T17:12:00.000-07:00

Last night during one of Ashley's cluster feedings I sat at the computer and skimmed all my friends' blog posts that I've missed over the last two weeks. I didn't have my glasses with me so I didn't read them all, I just took in the quantity of what had happened since I was last in blog world. It was a blatant reminder that life still goes on outside of your bubble, when life inside of your bubble comes to a screeching halt.

I also realized how much I miss blogging. A friend of mine wrote in her blog profile "I write to find my voice, share my life, and purge my brain." Those are the same reasons I love(d) to write. I could sit and write about anything and feel better - even if it was about something silly Katelynn did that day, just writing felt good and made me feel good. But the last few weeks it's seemed like such a task to do so. Granted, I've been a little busy! But somewhere along the line I started writing for an "audience" and forgot what it was to simply find my voice, share my life or purge my brain. I want to get back to that. I need to get back to that. Not sure how I'll do it with a newborn and a very attention-needy 4 year old, but I've gotta try!

What the %#*@! just happened!!

2010-05-21T12:59:00.000-07:00

I've got just a few minutes to get something posted here to let you all know what's been going on. I'm sorry in advance that this will be brief, a bit blunt, and not my typical storytelling-blog style. However, we feel really bad that no one really knows what's transpired over the last week and we really want to get you all filled in.

So in a (larger) nut-shell here's where we've been in the last week:

Tuesday was Ashely's due date and we were told on Monday there were some signs that she needed to be born sooner than later. We were given 1-2 days to go into labor before we'd have to have a repeat c-section so we opted for some natural "nudging" into labor with the hopes of having a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). Monday night I went into labor and we headed up to Seattle where we were planning on having Ashely. I labored fairly well for a few hours until they had a hard time tracking her heart tones and my contractions. I won't go into detail now (I want to do the story justice!) but from that moment the words and events of Ashley's birth mimicked those of Kristen. The one difference is that at when they went to do internal monitoring of her heart tones and my contractions they couldn't find her. At that same time I went into excruciating pain and was able to point to the place where I hurt so bad and they knew something was wrong. When they couldn't find her heartrate they had to do surgery to ensure she was okay. Which meant the same unlocking of the wheels and leaving Kevin and Sarah (or doula) in the room as I was rushed off to the OR - just like it was with Kristen.

It ended up that my uterus erupted (how appropriate that it "erupted" on Mt. St. Helen's Day!) and Ashely and the placenta were "born" into my abdomen. Again, I'll save the details now, but it was about 30 seconds from the time they made the first cut to when she was born since she was "right there!" There is less than a 1% chance of this ever happening in VBAC births, and apparently I pulled the short straw with that statistic. I was able to be sewn up and had very little bleeding, praise the Lord!
She was quickly put on various monitoring machines with a ventilator - which she quickly pulled out! :) And observed. The worry was that they didn't know how long she had been without her life-line and oxygen of her placenta. When they did a blood gas test on her umbilical cord (which would tell them how toxic her blood was), it wasn't looking good. Her numbers were poor which revealed possible brain damage due to the lack of oxygen. HOWEVER, when they did the same test on her body blood - her numbers were okay!! The Doc said she had no way of explaining this!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!
It was determined that she needed to have more testing to ensure her brain was okay so they opted to send her to Children's Hospital where they had the ability to do more extensive testing. I did get to see her before they took her away, since it wasn't in a rush situation.
At Children's they did a 12hr brain scan which only showed the slighted little blip. They decided to make sure that she is 110% okay so they started a 72 hour hypothermia test. This is where they lower her body temperature to about 95 degrees for 72 hours, allowing her brain and body to "reset" themselves. Think of when people have hypothermia and their bodies start to shut down - same thing - although highly controlled and it allows her to kind of recover from her traumatic birth. After the 72 hours, they will warm her up again and watch what she does - checking for seizures and seeing how she "restarts." (much like restarting your computer when it stalls and watching all the start-up programs pop up.) She was given morphine to stay comfortable and not shiver, to warm herself up. We were able to touch and talk to her, just not hold her which would transfer body heat. She has done great on this test although she doesn't like being cold! The cooling blanket she's on will fluctuate in temp and when it starts to cool you know it because she gets ticked!! :) She didn't like her electrodes on her head and kept pulling at them from all sides. She fusses when her bed is cold. She pulled her vent tube out at just hours old. They started using the word "fiesty" to describe her and I have a feeling it fits her quite well!! :)
I was able to pump some breastmilk and give it to her (it was a labor of love let me tell you!!!!) - which she devoured in a few seconds!! It was just enough to give her a taste, as she's getting nutrition through IV's. As of this morning they've upped the amount of milk she's allowed to have which is a VERY positive sign.

Everyone in the NICU just loves her and it's fun to hear fun reports of what she's doing, not just the medical stuff. :)

I feel I am totally cutting this story short, but we need to head up to Seattle and be there when she "wakes up" today. The warming started at 8am and should be complete at 2:30pm. We have a feeling we'll be meeting our baby again for the first time once she is no longer in her "hibernation" state. They are doing an MRI this afternoon - which is another MAJOR answer to prayer. Last night we were told we'd have to wait until Monday to have it done and we asked why not Friday and the doc said she'd see what she could do, but it was unlikely. We prayed on the way home that it would happened today and when I called this morning they said it was scheduled for 4pm. I just started crying and saying "thank you!!!"
They will warm her today and watch her for the next while and then it's up to the docs and Ashley as to when she goes home. We're hoping that by Saturday evening or Sunday we get to bring her home......c'mon baby girl!!

We can't say thank you enough to everyone that has been praying - without knowing any details - for us and just surrounding us with your love, words of encouragement, and prayer. I look forward to writing more on the blog and doing the story (and all of God's miracles that are happening along the way) more justice. So until then, THANK YOU!!!!

Love, The Balcom Family of FOUR!!

Earning My Keep

2010-05-14T22:41:00.000-07:00

I love being on a budget. Call me crazy, but it actually gives me the freedom to spend when I have money to spend and it gives me the challenge to make my money go as far as possible. I have a friend that talks at various groups about living on a budget and shopping smart. She guessed that in ten or so years she's saved her family roughly $60K just by being smart with her money and being on a budget. So I began thinking, wouldn't it be cool to actually know how much I'm able to SAVE our family?? My budget tells me how much I have to spend, but how much have I saved!?

So when I started "getting serious about couponing" back in January, I found a tracking chart that would help me keep track of what I spent & saved. I know I am still missing a handful of receipts (they'll show up along the way!), but I've been trying to track my spending/savings since the beginning of the year, or at least mid-January. Although I'm only at about an average 70% savings, and I still see myself as an amateur, I'm pretty proud of what I've been able to do thus far. And my family isn't having to "suffer" being on a budget. I can assure you, I've NEVER had this many different kinds of name-brand cereal, razors, shaving cream, shampoo, cleaners, juices, etc, etc, available to us! And for pennies. If not free!! :)

There was actually a friendly challenge this week on one of the bargain blogs I follow to see how far you could make $20 go in one week. Well, I made a few mistakes along the way, but I was able to get $141.64 worth of items at Walgreens for right about $16. Then I also got 12 cases of water at Albertson's for $13.88 - saving $46 - and being able to donate some of it to our MOPS garage/bake sale.

So although I'm "just a stay-at-home mom" I like to think (and know!!) that I'm earning my keep with what I've done so far this year. And if the proof is in the pudding, then here's the pudding - with whipped cream!! (which would have been on sale of course!) :)

Total since Mid-January 2010 to Mid-May 2010:
$613.83 Total Spent since mid-January (groceries, toiletries, diapers, household items, etc.)

$1,062.59 Coupon Savings (yes, those glossy inserts from your Sunday paper do pay off!)

$853.60 Store Savings (pays to watch the sales, or at least the blogs that do it for you!)

$1,916.19 Total SAVINGS (how much I’ve SAVED my family in 5 months!!)

$2,530.02 SPENDING + SAVINGS (what it would have cost me right off the shelf, no sale or coupon)

71% TOTAL % SAVED

Granted I probably should add the disclaimer that I don't include my Costco runs or Summit Trading Co. to my tracking sheet simply because I don't necessarily get good deals there, I just get what I need. So I supposed I'd have to add Pull-Ups, some TP & Paper towels, and random bags of produce here and there. But all in all, I still think my numbers are pretty good!!

Week 39 and a new prayer request

2010-05-11T19:02:00.000-07:00

Well, we've made it to 39 weeks. Technically her due date isn't until next week so she's still got time. However, the midwives are already starting to talk about possible interventions IF they're needed, IF she doesn't come on her own within the next week and a half or so. For those that don't know, my last delivery was via a cesarean section so this time around I am opting for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) because there's no medical reason to have another surgery if my body can do things naturally. The only glitch is that I can't be induced with a VBAC, it has to happen on it's own, or else we schedule the surgery. That's still a ways off, but definitely on the horizon. Normally moms are allowed to go up to two weeks passed their due dates for a normal delivery. I'm gonna be hard pressed to make it that far simply because of my history!
So although every mom wishes to not have to go passed her due date for the obvious comfort and excitement reasons, I'm asking for prayers that we don't have to worry about that for intervention reasons! If Ashley doesn't make her debut by next week sometime, we'll be offered various tests just to make sure she's okay in there and then start talking about possible interventions to help her along. I know I want her to come when she's ready, but I really hope she's ready before the doctors/midwives are!! :)

Here's the update for this week:
Your baby's waiting to greet the world! She continues to build a layer of fat to help control her body temperature after birth, but it's likely she already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, a mini watermelon. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.) The outer layers of her skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath.

More Crazy Shopping

2010-05-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

Okay so this is actually two trips to the store. One for the non-fridge stuff while out with Katelynn, and then one after dinner by myself to get the rest. And I even made a trip to Fred Meyer in between too, but that's a different post as it was just for freezer jam ingredients! (awesome sale going on!)

So here's the rundown:
My total out of pocket was a little higher than normal: $52.64. However, that includes the crazy 17lb watermelon @ $.59/lb- it better be good!! ( for $10) and 5lbs of the half-price bacon (for $10). I also walked away with $17 in credit for my next purchase that I was going to use on these items but they wouldn't scan. They told me they weren't usable until the next day although one did work...oh well! I'll use them on the super cheap water I got rain checks for!
So out of pocket $52.64 - $17 in credit = $35.64
Total savings (including the credit) $121.82...not bad!!
So aside from the watermelon and the bacon, I got the REST OF IT for only $15!!!

So what did I get?: (other than the crazy watermelon and the bacon) :)
4 Cheez-Its @ $.50 each
Danonino Yogurt $.19
2 Dole Sensations FREE
Ortega Chiles $.38 each
Nestle Drumsticks $0.50
Nestle Mini Drumsticks $2.00 (pregnancy splurge!)
2 Tyson 100% Natural Breaded Chicken $2.99 each
Pepperidge Farm Cookies FREE (forgot to put in photo, they were the snack/reward for the day!)
Mission Tortillas $.04 (yes, 4 pennies!)
4 Del Monte Fruit Chillers $.99 each
Whole Wheat Tortillas $? These didn’t come out right and I’m just now noticing it!
12 Kellogg’s Cereals $1.50 each but this is how I got the $21 in credit so technically I was paid $.25 for each box!!

And to top it all off, as I walked out of the store there was a Proctor & Gamble Sunday coupon book/insert lying on the ground! More free money!!

Thanks to the ladies at the following blogs/websites - without your help, there'd be no way I could do this on my own! You put all the work into it and I just have to follow your lead! You tell me what coupons to get from where and how to match them up at the store with their sales. Thanks!
http://fabulesslyfrugal.com/
http://www.couponconnectionsnw.com/
http://www.thriftynorthwestmom.com/

The gift that keeps on giving

2010-05-05T17:34:00.000-07:00

What four-year-old doesn't love to draw? And what mom doesn't really care for all the scraps of paper that become "works of art" and can never be thrown away?! Well, as we were clearing out the spare room for all the baby stuff I found my old white board. I think I got it as a Christmas or birthday present when I was in elementary school and LOVED it!! Amazingly it still had the "house calendar" from right before I got married and almost even more amazing, it erased!! (7 years later! with a little help, but it is still usable!) And as I'm thinking of it, dare I say this board could very well be 20-25 years old....no way, that's ridiculous!!!

So I scrounged up a handful of dry erase markers and let her go to town and boy has she! I wrote out the alphabet for her as she kept asking how to draw all her letters. So off she went writing her name and the whole alphabet!! Then she started drawing little families complete with moms, dads, little kids and babies! Best part is she's totally content for quite some time just sitting on the floor coloring and it doesn't create a mess! AND, she's right next to me when I'm on the computer!
Thanks Mom & Dad for the gift that keeps on giving!! (and thanks Kevin for not making me give/throw it away over all these years of no-use!) :)

Spider Sandwiches

2010-05-05T17:25:00.000-07:00

Not sure what Katelynn's fascination with spiders is, but she talks about them all the time. She has even asked for a spider themed 5th birthday (next February!) and so far I think I've got her more interested in a lady bug birthday. We'll see!!
So today when I asked her what kind of sandwich she wanted for lunch she jokingly said she wanted spider sandwiches. I had enough energy and wit today to oblige. :) When I told her that her spider sandwich was ready she looked at me a little confused and asked if they were real spiders. I said "come see for yourself!" I had used peanut butter chips (couldn't find the normal size chocolate ones, only minis) and chocolate sprinkles for the legs. Once she saw them on the peanut butter side of her sandwich she of course asked is she could put them on the jelly side too!

Baby Ashley's Registry (per request!)

2010-05-04T16:18:00.000-07:00

I've gotten a few e-mails/questions about this recently and so I figured I'd go ahead and post it.

If you had asked me 8 or even 5 months ago if we were going to have a shower for Ashely the answer was no. I was okay with the idea of having an open house type "shower" after she was born, but there was still fear lurking in the shadows of the "what if's" and I wasn't ready to face it. I had a friend that kept offering to host one, and was really excited to, but also understood that I may not be up for it. In the post I wrote about "Rubble" (part 1 and part 2) I explained why I was hesitant and what God did (and is still doing) in my heart and why I was going to move forward anyway.

It still took me almost a month or two to accept my friend's offer to throw us a shower. She was thrilled that I finally accepted because she had been praying that I would, but didn't want to bug me about it too much! She and her daughter have been working on it and it's been such a blessing to me to know they're so excited to do this for us. It would have been easy to be held back with fear but not them and they're bringing me with them!! God bless them! It's going to be with a small group of ladies that have been walking with me through this crazy journey and of course Big Sister Katelynn will be there. Which it ultimately came down to allowing her to be part of the celebration and preparation for this new family member and not trying to shield her from the "what if's". (mentioned in the blogs) But with a shower comes requests for a registry....

So to answer the questions, yes, we are "registered" for Baby Ashely, but not in your typical fashion. We found a site that offers an Alternative Gift Registry. We were able to create our own list of likes and desires aside from the typical stuff you'd find in a store. Things like meals, babysitting, house cleaning, among a few other things. So for all those that were/are curious, there you go!! :)

Taken from the registry:

Considering this is our third baby, we aren't in need of all those fun "first-time parents gotta have it" kinds of things.:) Although we know many of you want to still celebrate and shower Baby Ashley. (Thank you!)

We found this site as a way to mention some of the things we'd like that aren't available at your typical store. The items listed are just ideas. We know you all love our family and you are all so wonderful for showing us in your own ways! Thank you!

The Baby Door

2010-05-04T15:49:00.000-07:00

I was sharing with our doula about Katelynn's various questions regarding pregnancy, labor and delivery. We've shown her a few YouTube videos (tasteful and educational ones, don't worry!) so she's aware that Ashley won't be coming out of the same place that Kristen did. She thought it was pretty crazy that the babies came out of the mommy's bottoms and that there was blood. It didn't bother her, it was more of an interesting fact to her!

Then our doula shared with us how she shared with her 2 kids when she was pregnant with her 3rd. The youngest, her daughter, was the same age Katelynn is now and she explained to them that God gave everyone potty doors in their bottoms but that He gives mommies special baby doors that the baby comes out of. I LOVED THIS IDEA! So I shared it with Katelynn and she totally caught on. For each thing I'd explain she'd look right at daddy and tell him the exact same thing. I wanted to have an explanation that was accurate but appropriate for her age. Found it! :)

Then she asked about that morning's midwife appointment and why the "doctor" was looking at my bottom and out of no where came this answer "She was checking to see if the door was unlocked." Which, as hilarious as it sounds, it's kinda true! I was 1cm, 70-80% effaced and the baby was at -1 station. The door was technically unlocked and she could come any time!! :) Roll out the welcome mat!

Week 38 - We Got the Green Light!

2010-05-04T15:32:00.000-07:00

Here's the update I get each week with my comments below:

Your baby has really plumped up. She weighs about 6.8 pounds and she's over 19 1/2 inches long (like a leek). She has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test when you hold her hand for the first time! Her organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb.

Wondering what color your baby's eyes will be? You may not be able to tell right away. If she's born with brown eyes, they'll likely stay brown. If she's born with steel gray or dark blue eyes, they may stay gray or blue or turn green, hazel, or brown by the time she's 9 months old. That's because a child's irises (the colored part of the eye) may gain more pigment in the months after she's born, but they usually won't get "lighter" or more blue. (Green, hazel, and brown eyes have more pigment than gray or blue eyes.)

At my midwife appointment yesterday she gave us the green light for Ashley's arrival. She's at a healthy enough place right now considered full-term, that she's free to come any time between now and 41 weeks. After 41 weeks we'll start looking at our options for as natural as an induction as could be possible before we talk about a scheduled cesarean. Because I'm attempting a VBAC they won't induce, so it's pretty much up to Ashley! (and God, of course!) I did learn from Katelynn that an induced labor is not ideal - babies will come when they're ready and labor will progress (usually) more smoothly when the baby initiates it. Did you know that it's not a woman's body that starts labor, it's the baby!? Granted they have to work in tandem, but the baby will start to give off certain hormones to let the mom's body know it's ready and then they both start doing their individual jobs. Which I think is why Katelynn's labor/delivery went how it did. It was rushed (induced) and my body didn't have time to do what it needed to do. The midwife said I'm physically all set for labor to begin now, we're just waiting on Ashley! After learning my lesson with Katelynn, I'm fine waiting a few days/weeks. In the big picture, it's so worth it!

The devil's in the details

2010-05-01T16:15:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought simply cutting a tag off a piece of baby clothing or opening up a bag of diapers would be such a hard thing to do!? (Almost as hard as finally deciding to have a baby shower!) I highly doubt (and hope!) any first-time mom has ever had to experience this. Oh, the bliss of ignorance. And I mean that in a good way!

While Kevin worked on the patio cover today I worked on the baby center. I'd say the baby's room, but it's kind of a multi-purpose room really. It will have a twin bed, some of Katelynn's larger toys, some of our things simply for storage, and the changing table with all her immediate needs, but she'll be sleeping in either our room or Katelynn's. (I think I posted before about Katelynn not liking the idea of Ashley not sleeping in her room with her, so that helped us decide if they'd have separate rooms or not!) So the "spare room" has turned into the baby/guest/toy room. :)

We've turned an old desk that I refinished in college into a changing table and placed it in the closet - a perfect fit! (there's no doors) Then last night Kevin installed a shelving system to create the perfect baby center. So today, it was up to me to "get it ready", stocking it with diapers/wipes (which I've been stockpiling with all my crazy coupon sales!), burp rags, clothes, blankets, etc, etc.

As I "nested", I found myself faced with the decision similar to when I had to decline or accept my friend's offer to give Ashley a baby shower. You see, there are a number of things that I didn't end up doing before Kristen was born, that are normally "before baby comes home" kind of things, that I think God spared me from doing, because of what it would have meant to come home to. I didn't pre-wash all her clothes. I didn't open up all her diapers and get them all lined up on her changing table. I didn't even go out and buy nursing bras! Yes, we did set up the crib and get a few things ready, but for some reason, maybe 'cuz she was our 2nd, I didn't get all wrapped up in preparing for her homecoming. Maybe I sensed something, I'll never know, but I'll count it as a blessing. A blessing in that circumstance, but a new dilemma in this one.

So as I unpacked the "baby boxes" I came across a number of things that we kept from Kristen but that didn't necessarily have major Kristen memories attached to them. There are a few items that will forever be Kristen's and those are packed away or set aside. But there were a number of really cute outfits from her baby shower and bags of diapers that we hadn't given away because we knew we'd be able to use them in the future. So as I unpacked things, I had to decide if I was going to take the tags off of things and pre-wash them; was I going to open up the packages of diapers and get them ready for Ashley's big homecoming? Then all the "what-if's" started. What if she doesn't come home? I didn't get this prepared for Kristen and it was horrible coming home to the few things I did get ready. I can always pre-wash things when she comes home I thought....with the when quickly turning to an IF.....

That's when I'd had enough and I ripped open the bag of diapers and snipped the tags!! I'm going to go out and get her her own hamper, I'm going to unpack all the clothes and hang them up, I'm going to enjoy celebrating her at her baby shower. I won't let the devil steal my joy by hiding in the details. And I won't let my lack of ignorance rob me of my bliss!! I have a number of people in my life that you can tell don't want to get too excited about a new baby. They have reservations when they ask how my appointments are going, have I had any new tests, is everything okay with the baby, etc. Even though I have explained that this pregnancy is just as normal as Katelynn's you can tell they don't want to (or maybe just won't) believe it until they meet Ashley. Makes me wonder sometimes if I'll have to prove that I'm capable of "producing a healthy baby" before the fears can be subsided. Sure I have fears too, but Ashley shouldn't be shadowed by them!

Which is why I love meeting people that have no idea about Kristen! I used to wish more people knew about her, but now I love talking to those that don't because of the excitement people tend to have around a pregnant woman. The look of joyful anticipation is refreshing. They want to know if it's my first, if its a boy or a girl, not if it's healthy, as if there'd be any reason to think otherwise. They want to know when the due date is and how I've been feeling, not when the next test is going to be and what the doctors are saying.

So I guess until I have a screaming little newborn in my arms, I'll keep looking forward and know that my hope comes not from my "positive thinking" which will always fail me, but from a God that will not disappoint. My hope has been deferred and I can't wait until it is redeemed!!

Now off to pre-wash some baby clothes! :)

"Full-Term" 37 Week Update

2010-04-29T03:47:00.000-07:00

Your baby is now considered "full term," even though your due date is three weeks away. If you go into labor now, her lungs will likely be mature enough to fully adjust to life outside the womb.

Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

Last week's little "false alarm" was a good motivator to get things more prepared, but it also sped up the anticipation! However, after our birth workshop over the weekend, I feel a little less hurried for her to come, knowing that she'll get here when she's ready and ultimately my body needs the time to prepare. I haven't had any good contraction episodes since last week which is okay with me. I'd rather know it's the "real deal" than always guessing. I was introduced to Red Raspberry Leaf Tea last week and have been pretty surprised at the results. It may just be a placebo affect, but it's a medicinal tea used for pretty much anything related to the female reproductive system and used regularly in pregnancy. I've only read amazing things about it and how it aids in labor so it's a new staple to my diet! I'm not much of a tea drinker but it if means a smoother, more manageable labor then I'll buy it in bulk! :)

False Start. First Down.

2010-04-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

Just 'cuz I love to write and what great storytelling material I have! Most people won't care about these kinds of stories, but I know I'll want them later on!

I'm no stranger to braxton hicks contractions. They're the "warm up" contractions that supposedly don't mean anything and we're told to ignore them. So I do. I typically have them for the last 2 months of my pregnancies, so by now I'm REALLY good at ignoring them! But last night Katelynn had a bad dream or something and started crying. I jumped out of bed and went to check on her and she was still asleep, but crying. As I stood by her bed my tummy got really tight and Ashley got active. I didn't think much of it since that tends to happen when I stand up regardless! So I went back to bed.

Within a few minutes my tummy does the same thing, but I'm lying down. Hmmm. It goes away and I think "okay, just go to sleep." It happens again. And again. And again. They say to change positions to see if you can get your belly to react differently. If they're "real" contractions, they'll keep going, if they're just warm-ups, they'll usually subside. Part of me just wanted to hang out in that position for a while, telling myself, "okay, if the next one is a "good one" I'll turn over" or after a strong one, "if they stay that strong I'll go take a shower and see if that helps". I finally turn over, drink some water (another thing that helps) and they space out, but are still there. I get really excited but also remember that we REALLY want to take our birth class this weekend, go on our "last holiday date" with our friends on Friday night, etc, etc. Half of me starts going through the list of when do I wake up Kevin, who do we call to come take care of Katelynn, when do we call the doula, how long do we hang out here? Apparently my mom had really fast labors (early in fact!) and after Monday's appointment, Ashley's not "hiding" up there, she's low and ready to go! So with a drive to Seattle ahead of us we're having to weigh our timing a little more than normal. :)

I begin thinking of what we'd need to get ready if this really was "it". That's when I realized the video camera battery died last night while we were skyping with Katie and I forgot to charge it! The same thing happened when Kristen was born. I think we got maybe 2-5 minutes of anything and it died. And I also realized the memory cards in both cameras hadn't been emptied and I didn't have a new tape for the video camera...and the list started forming! So I waited out one or two more contractions and got up and saw the clock, it had been at least an hour and a half of pretty consistent contractions - woo-hoo! I realized I was hungry too, so I made some PB toast, got some water, found all the cameras and batteries, and of course got on the computer!

After about an hour of being up and around I noticed the little bit I was feeling wasn't as regular as before and I really should get some sleep if we're anywhere near being close to having a baby!! Thankfully I was able to get back to bed comfortably and get to sleep. The contractions didn't come back and I got some sleep.

So today, Katelynn and I are laying low and daddy's on-call :). We've been going non-stop all week (including last weekend!) and we both need a break. She's got a cold/cough and I'm getting a sore throat. Not to mention I have a bag to get packed!!! I actually had a dream that we forgot to take clothes for Ashley to the hospital and we had to borrow some doll clothes from a nearby church nursery....ha ha!!

So all morning I've been hearing the booming voice of the Super Bowl referee clicking on his microphone and doing his hand gestures to indicate a "false start" as the crowd goes wild - some with agreement and relief, thankful for one more down to "make some progress", and others with not so thrilled reactions. :) Since I don't have control over what happens - only how I respond to it, I'll take the first down!

Week 36 - Welcome to Month #9!!!

2010-04-20T17:06:00.000-07:00

Well, we've made it to 9 months. I remember with my 1st pregnancy I was a little bugged when I found out that pregnancy is really counted as 40 weeks which can be loosely translated to10 months, NOT 9 months. I've since gotten over that since my babies don't know any different, they'll just come when they're ready! And as of my appointment yesterday the midwife did say all my "signs" are looking good and progressing quite nicely, so we may not have to wait until May 18th to meet Miss Ashely Megan!

Here's the baby update I got for this week:

Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. She now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of her first bowel movement.

At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely she's in a head-down position. But if she isn't, your practitioner may suggest manipulating her from the outside of your belly.

Thankfully Ashley is head-down and very low, which is a really good thing! Although it makes my daily life a little difficult at the moment, I'd MUCH rather have her low now than have to convince her to "drop" while in labor! We attended a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) class with our doula today up in Seattle where we're planning on delivering and that went really well. We were able to take another look around the birthing unit and our doula got more familiar with the location herself. The anticipation is building everyday!!

Although it would be fun to have Ashley join us any day, our birthing class is this weekend and Kevin and I REALLY want to be able to take the class before she comes. It's not your typical birth prep class, it's more of a mini-marriage retreat with the baby being the focus. We took the same class before Kristen and were amazed at what we took away from it. I was able to process a bunch of "stuff" from Katelynn's birth experience and go into Kristen's with a whole new perspective on what WE, as a team, were doing and what we were capable of. I also gained a new understanding and appreciation for what God has made my body to do and felt truly empowered to take on birth for all it could be, something I didn't do with Katelynn. We left that class almost 2 years ago feeling we could take on the world! Little did we know we'd be asked to go through what we did, but we both agree that we were able to get through many parts of that experience because of what we learned and practiced in Patti's Class. So when it came around to "Round 3" there was no doubt that we'd be taking the class again.

So until my week 37 update....stay tuned!! :)

The right tools make all the difference!

2010-04-14T16:15:00.000-07:00

When all else fails, get power tools!
After hitting his knee with his mallet at full-strength (you can still see the spike stuck in the ground from when it happened!) it was time to go get a jack-hammer!

He was done clearing the 7 remaining holes in less time than it took to go get & return the tool! A dollar-a-minute made it worth it's weight in gold!!

Here's a look at the holes all done. We put flower pots in them to hopefully prevent anyone (human or pet) from falling in! It's coming together!!!

Katelynn's new-found skill

2010-04-14T15:45:00.000-07:00

Here's Katelynn's new found skill she perfected this last weekend. Yesterday she was on the swing after school for over an hour straight - with the exception of about 30 seconds when she got down to look at an ant and then went back to swinging!!

Thirty-Five

2010-04-13T12:52:00.000-07:00

Thirty-five weeks of pregnancy completed.
Thirty-five days until the due date.
Thirty-five days of anticipation.
Thirty-five sleepless nights.
Thirty-five things (and counting) on the to-do list (most of which I physically cannot do myself)
Thirty-five years it seems until she's here.
Thirty-five times an hour I'm reminded to have patience.
Thirty-five.

The patio cover has begun!!!

2010-04-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

The patio cover has begun!!!

Weeks 34 & 35 - that's right folks only 5 or less weeks left!!!

2010-04-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

I wasn't able to get last week's baby update posted so while I've got some time, I'm gonna post 2 weeks worth with my usual commentary at the bottom.

Week 34:
Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Her fat layers — which will help regulate her body temperature once she's born — are filling her out, making her rounder. Her skin is also smoother than ever. Her central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

Week 35:
Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that she's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew melon). Because it's so snug in your womb, she isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times she kicks should remain about the same. Her kidneys are fully developed now, and her liver can process some waste products. Most of her basic physical development is now complete — she'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.

It doesn't seem like it can really be only 5 weeks away, but it is! (OR LESS!!) I realized this last week that my body won't be getting ready in 5 weeks, it's getting ready now!! Which explains the trouble walking, breathing, sleeping, you know, normal life!
I'm finally to where I feel I'm one of those pregnant ladies you see at the store and say under your breath to the person beside you "oh my she's pregnant!" I feel like Ashley could be here any day, but you wouldn't know that by the state of my house or any other normal baby preparations! It still feels like a long way off I guess. And I know from experience, she'll come when she's ready, not when the laundry's done or her bed is ready, or whatever is on my to-do list! Hopefully our "to-go bags" will be ready before she is! :)

I forgot to add that Ashely's baby hiccups are officially full-swing! They started really lightly a few weeks ago, maybe a few times a week. Now she's got them at least twice a day and they're fairly decent ones too lasting fairly long. Katelynn was a major hiccuper, so it's fun to get to "that stage" with Ashely. They were strong enough a few weeks ago that Katelynn got to feel them and that got her really excited! She usually doesn't keep her had on my belly long enough to really feel anything. She felt those!! And of course tells everyone about them! :)

Doctor stated, Mother Approved! (at least by this mom!)

2010-04-11T16:11:00.000-07:00

I recently read something that I feel is important for anyone who will be experiencing a birth at any point in their lives – in any way. Whether as a participant, an observer, a family member or friend, or in any other capacity, this is for you!

Having gone through two VERY different birth experiences already (and having heard and read countless of others’ birth stories), I feel I can look back with pretty clear hindsight and see the truth and validity in the following statements by Dr. Buckley. She does mention the intervention of obstetricians, which for those who know our story know if it hadn’t been for medical intervention, we probably wouldn’t have had ANY time with Kristen while she was still alive. I know many babies that are here today only because there was medical help available. I am all for medical intervention when it’s needed. However I feel it's offered or imposed far more than it should be….I once heard a saying about birth: a midwife sees birth as a miracle and will only intervene when necessary. An OB sees birth as a miracle if she/he didn’t have to intervene. There is a time and a place for medical intervention when birth is concerned, but our culture has turned child birth, a 100% natural event, into a “medical procedure” robbing from it many of the hidden gifts I think God intended in the natural process.

Quite often anything that strays from our “cultural norm” is looked on as an extreme point of view or a radical slant to “normal” because it questions something we thought we understood, or it encourages us to possibly re-think our opinions and/or our perspectives (heaven forbid we could grow from such actions!). I don’t think I’d consider myself a radical by any stretch of the imagination (unless it involves couponing! ha ha!) so I hope that this would be read as if I was sharing it, not Dr. Buckley. This isn’t some “way out there point of view”, it’s about an event in which God has allowed us humans to participate in a miracle and sadly our culture has robbed it of so much. I hope you will view birth differently after reading this and ultimately understand that it all comes down to the birthing mother’s concept and definition of “safety and privacy”, not yours. (unless you’re the one giving birth, that is!)

When I had first mentioned to our family and friends just the mere thought of doing a home birth this time around we got some pretty interesting responses. I knew most people would find lots of reasons to be hesitant, which is fine…if the decision was theirs to make. But I personally had more reasons to be reassured it was a good option than I had hesitations. I had a lot of chances to try to explain myself and why I was even considering it. Although I quickly realized my reasons meant nothing if the people I was explaining it to didn’t understand the concept(s) described below. However, through the process of trying to explain something I quickly learned would probably never be truly understood, I forged my own concepts and definitions of “safety and privacy” as is mentioned below. And it was with that new definition I found that I could in fact create my ideal birthing environment in a medical setting versus at home. I just had to find the right medical setting, which we feel we have. (Not to mention in our particular situation it’s WAY cheaper this way!!) For many women after a c-section birth the only place they feel safe is a hospital, many of them opting for a repeat c-section. But that isn't the case for all of us. And I would hope that both decisions would be respected as what is best for THAT birthing mom and HER needs.I just wish more moms were better educated about their options so they could indeed decide for themselves versus being told what they should do. But I digress..

I know that this will probably go in one eye and out the other for a lot of people, but I feel compelled to share. So here goes:

Sarah J. Buckley, MD wrote a book called Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering. This is just an excerpt from that which I borrowed from a blog by Patti Ramos, birth educator extraordinaire (in my humble opinion!) and birth doula.

"Undisturbed Birth is exceedingly rare in our culture, which reflects our ignorance of its importance. Two factors that disturb birth in all mammals are firstly being in an unfamiliar place and secondly the presence of an observer. Feelings of safety and privacy thus seem to be fundamental. ...Yet the entire system of Western obstetrics is devoted to observing pregnant and birthing women (tara’s note: observing them in unfamiliar settings, mind you!), by both people and machines, and when birth isn’t going smoothly, obstetricians respond with yet more intense observation. It is indeed amazing that any woman can give birth under such conditions. Some writers have observed that, for a laboring woman, having a baby has a lot of parallels with making a baby: the same hormones, the same parts of the body, the same sounds, and the same needs for feelings of safety and privacy. How would it be to attempt to make love in the conditions under which we expect women to give birth? Undisturbed birth is possible in a variety of settings, but must always involve a feeling of emotional security for the birthing woman. A familiar and supportive companion, such as a midwife or doula, can play an important role in creating and protecting a private space for the laboring woman, especially in a hospital setting."

A second comment from Dr. Buckley I wanted to add simply for my own validation. :)
I was never able to articulate why I didn’t want hoards of people at the hospital when our babies were born waiting for their first glimpses of a newborn just minutes old. Maybe I was articulating it, but I never felt I did in a way that validated my need for time with my newborn while at the same time inviting family and friends to come enjoy a few-hours-old baby if not a day-old baby. I want(ed) them to feel welcome and enjoy such an incredible time, celebrating this new miracle of life with us. HOWEVER, it wasn’t until I read this that made me realize that my “personal preference” may actually be a God-given instinct to allow me uninterrupted, private time with my baby, which in turn would allow my body to do what it needs to do to heal, and my baby and I to bond in the first ever-so precious minutes and hours after birth which is a time that can never be replaced or replicated. So I guess if personal preference wasn’t enough, here’s some scientific data to back it up!

"For the new mother, the third stage (immediately following the baby's birth) is a time of reaping the rewards of her labor. Mother Nature (a.k.a. God, tara’s note!) provides peak levels of oxytocin, the hormone of love, and endorphins, hormones of pleasure for both mother and baby. Skin-to-skin contact and the baby's first attempts to breastfeed further augment maternal oxytocin levels, strengthening the uterine contractions that will help the placenta to separate, and the uterus to contract down. In this way, oxytocin acts to prevent hemorrhage, as well as to establish, in concert with the other hormones, the close bond that will ensure a mother's care and protection, and thus her baby's survival." ~ Sarah J. Buckley, MD

I guess all in all, I would sum up this crazy long post by saying as a soon-to-be birthing mom, thank you for your opinions, your concerns and perspectives. It's nice to know that people care about us moms. But ultimately it really comes down to the who/what/where/how's that make US feel safe, comfortable, and uninhibited to allow God's amazing gift of nature take place through us. I would hope that every birthing mom would have people in her life that would push her towards that kind of environment, even if it is different than what they would chose for themselves. That, friends, is showing the ultimate love for the mother. Allowing her to have HER experience be what SHE needs it to be. Our pastor will jokingly say 'Well, when you're God you can change the rules, but until then, this is how we play.' So, when you're the birthing mom you can call the shots, but until then....momma makes the rules. :)

What could be better than a Hallelujah??

2010-04-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

In case you needed it, here's permission to put aside the "happy christian" role and be real - even if just for a moment, or maybe for the first time!
I've heard this song a number of times and wanted to post it here.Sometimes I don't have a hallmark card to read to God. He longs for those time! :)

Slide show with lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nMvvoXa9Yk&feature=fvw

God loves a lullaby
In a mothers tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
God loves the drunkards cry,
The soldiers plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah.

The woman holding on for life,
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done,
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

Better than a church bell ringing,
Better than a choir singing out, singing out.

Baby Update: Week 33 (49 days to go!)

2010-03-31T19:00:00.000-07:00

This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. She's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and her skeleton is hardening. The bones in her skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for her to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a conehead-like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as her brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood.

There are times when it seems like forever until Ashely is in our arms, but it's those days when I get an e-mail saying only 49 more days!! There's definitely plenty to get done before she gets here, but I also know that she'll come whether those things are done or not! I've been really good trying to just be content with pregnancy, knowing it will be over "any day now". But in just the last few weeks I've had 2 friends have their babies and I know of 2-3 others that could pop any day....it's hard to wait patiently in line. :) But I am constantly reminded that currently I'm getting a somewhat decent night's sleep and only have one child to be chasing around and catering to. And that as of right now, Ashely is VERY low maintenance!! We're just so excited to meet her!!!

Week 32 - only 56 days to go!!

2010-03-23T11:02:00.000-07:00

By now, your baby weighs 3.75 pounds (pick up a large jicama - which is funny because I actually bought one this size on Sunday!) and is about 16.7 inches long, taking up a lot of space in your uterus. You're gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to your baby. In fact, she'll gain a third to half of her birth weight during the next 7 weeks as she fattens up for survival outside the womb. She now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). Her skin is becoming soft and smooth as she plumps up in preparation for birth. To accommodate you and your baby's growing needs, your blood volume has increased 40 to 50 percent since you got pregnant.

Not a whole lot to update today since I just posted a few days ago. I had my check up yesterday (we're now into the 2-week appts!) and Ashley is measuring right on. I love it when they tell me that because that was the main sign that something was not right with Kristen, that she was measuring really small. So when they measure my belly and she's exactly where she should be, it makes me so happy and relieved!

For those interested, what they measure is the "fundal height" From BabyCenter: the distance from your pubic bone to the top of your uterus. This measurement allows her to assess your baby's size, growth rate, and position. As a rule of thumb, your fundal height (in centimeters) should roughly equal the number of weeks you're pregnant. For example, at 20 weeks, your fundal height should be about 18 to 22 centimeters. And every week Ashley has measured exactly to her age!! :) Good girl!! :)

update to the crazy shopping weekend

2010-03-21T20:43:00.000-07:00

So I made one more stop on the way home last night to cash in (almost literally!) on the cereal deal. And much to my delight there was a bunch of tea on clearance! I also bought the butter that we really needed - without a coupon! See I can do it when I have to!! (although it WAS on sale!)

So without all the details, here's the final tally for the weekend:
34 boxes of cereal (looking forward to giving some of it away!)
10 cans of 100% juice
6 bananas
4 Stash Teas
1 Pizza
1 tub of butter
1 bag of bendy straws
Value of groceries (if I paid full price): $216.01
Total Cash Spent: $7.46
Total Saved: $208.55 (avg. 96.5% off!!)
with $11 credit for my next shopping trip!

Then today I was able to go to the local produce stand and stock up on fresh fruits & veggies with the "money left over". I'm heading to Walgreens this week for diapers which are on a good sale again - we're gonna need 'em pretty soon and I might as well stock up while they're cheap! I already have an $8 credit to cash in so I'm already starting ahead! Talk about stretching your budget! :)

How much did your Friday night cost?

2010-03-20T14:59:00.000-07:00

Last night Kevin and I went on a "date." Katelynn was at her grandparents' and we had a gift card for Red Lobster from Christmas so we decided to make it a date. After our free dinner, we did one of our favorite things to do together - grocery shopping. Not just any grocery shopping, mind you! Kevin calls it legalized robbery, I call it frugality as it's best! Not only do I love saving so much money on our groceries, but I love that he enjoys it just as much as I do! :)
Big Picture:
Went in with $10 in store credit. Spent $3.74. Left with $11 in store credit and $125 worth of groceries.
So essentially we made $7.00!!

For those that care, here's what we did and what we got for less than 4!!

Transaction #1:
4 boxes of cereal
10 cans of juice (on rain check from last week)
6 coupons
$10 credit from last week's frozen food sale
Total $3.26
Savings of $29.20

Transaction #2:
6 boxes of cereal
6 bananas - had to buy these to get my total above $0.00
6 coupons
$5 credit from buying the juice in transaction #1
Total $.31
Savings of $29.00

Transaction #3
6 boxes of cereal
1 package of bendy straws - they were on sale and it's fun to have them, not to mention I had to buy something to get my total above $0.00
6 coupons
$5 credit from buying the juice in transaction #1
Total $.09
Savings of $29.89

Transaction #4
6 boxes of cereal
1 pizza
8 coupons
$4 credit for buying cereal in prior transaction
Total: $.03
Savings of $33.80

Total paid: $3.74
Total saved: $121.89
Value of groceries: $125.63
and still came home with $11 more dollars in store credit for buying the cereal to use on the next sale!

What am I going to do with all the cereal? Well, I wanted enough to supply my family and house guests (with baby coming, I want EASY!!) for at least a few months. It won't expire until after Christmas, so we've got time to eat it! And I plan on going back for more free cereal today so I can give it away! I'm essentially making $.46 on each set of 6 that I buy, so why not!!?? Who says couponing isn't worth it??

Oh and by the way, I only "clipped" about 5 of these coupons, the rest I actually bought on e-Bay for about $2. I probably put about 30 minutes into preparing for this particular trip to the store and another 20 minutes in the store. So an hours worth of time and I saved $121.....$120 an hour isn't bad for a stay at home mom! :)

K-A-T-E-L-Y-N-N

2010-03-20T14:21:00.000-07:00

The other day Katelynn was off playing by herself with a pen and her paper chattering away about what she was writing. Not all uncommon for her. She then asked for her scissors to cut what she had made.Not uncommon either as that's what they do in school. I told her she just had to be sure all her pieces were picked up when she was done. She usually cuts her paper to resemble confetti. She did pick them up....much later...with a number of reminders. However, there was one piece she said she was keeping for Parker, a little boy in her class who I think sits at her table.

Well, last night as Kevin and I were picking things up in the family room, we found her special piece of paper that she was keeping....my jaw almost hit the floor! It was her name!! With no help, no asking "how do I make a K?", she did it all on her own and didn't even tell us!! It took us a LOT of time and practice to do a K, those are tricky! And here she did her whole name.....wow!! And I think it's Parker's name at the end, not sure. I'll have to ask her. :) And I'm also impressed with her cutting job! Such a proud momma! :)
(since we had to have our computer completely wiped clean and everything reinstalled, I haven't reinstalled my photo program yet to be able to edit this photo. So you'll just have to put up with all the extra space! You should be able to click on it to enlarge it.)

Only 9 more weeks!!! (Updates for Weeks 30 & 31)

2010-03-17T06:49:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe we only have 9 weeks left! We're into single digits, folks!!
We were without a home computer for a couple of weeks so here's the updates in case you were curious!

Week 30:
Your baby's about 15.7 inches long now, and she weighs almost 3 pounds (like a head of cabbage). A pint and a half of amniotic fluid surrounds her, but that volume will decrease as she gets bigger and takes up more room in your uterus. Her eyesight continues to develop, though it's not very keen; even after she's born, she'll keep her eyes closed for a good part of the day. When she does open them, she'll respond to changes in light but will have 20/400 vision — which means she can only make out objects a few inches from her face. (Normal adult vision is 20/20.)

Week 31:
This week, your baby measures over 16 inches long. She weighs about 3.3 pounds (try carrying four navel oranges) and is heading into a growth spurt. She can turn her head from side to side, and her arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath her skin. She's moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby's kicks and somersaults keep you up. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy.

And in true form, last week the braxton hicks started! (for both Katelynn and Kristen I had them for the last 2 months) Sometimes they're not too bad, other times I need to take a moment to either sit down, change position or just breath. Some people complain about them but I welcome them! They mean my body knows what to do and is warming up for game time! Woo-hoo!

But I have to be careful what I saw about how I feel because I have a little imitator watching my every move! Last week Katelynn complained of a tummy ache all morning but didn't think she should stay home from school. (normally, if she's REALLY not feeling well, she's okay to stay home.) I was worried that she'd tell her teachers that she was sick and they'd want me to come get her. Then we finally discovered why her tummy hurt so bad...."the baby was kicking her and turning around" and it hurt! Then the next day she said her hip, back, tummy and jaw were all hurting. With relaxin running through my body (the hormone that helps ligaments to relax) I've been pretty uncomfortable lately and apparently she's picking up on every discomfort!

But all in all we're doing well and super excited to meet Baby Ashely! But in due time...I have been reminded a number of times that currently she's "low maintenance" and in a few weeks it will change forever! Even when she is doing somersaults in the middle of the night, I find a little bit of enjoyment in it because it just a few weeks, I won't feel that any more. I've heard it said before: "Instead of wishing away 9 months of pregnancy (which is really almost 10 months - it's 40 weeks!) I want to cherish every moment and realize that the wonderment growing inside me is the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle."

Week 29 - we're in warp speed now!

2010-03-02T06:55:00.000-08:00

Feels like I just posted about being at 28 weeks and here comes another baby-update e-mail welcoming me to Week 29! Here's what they have to say:

Your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 pounds (like a butternut squash) and is a tad over 15 inches long from head to heel. Her muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and her head is growing bigger to make room for her developing brain. To meet her increasing nutritional demands, you'll need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in your baby's hardening skeleton each day.

It's been funny to see people's reactions to my belly - especially if they haven't seen me in a week or two. (and I suppose depending on what I'm wearing too!) Ashley's definitely getting bigger as she's not flopping around so much anymore, there's no room! But she's still wiggling & stirring enough to be a constant reminder that she's in there! Hard to believe there's only "officially" 11 weeks left. (I have to keep reminding myself that she could come as soon as 9 weeks or as late as 13 weeks.....gotta love how pregnancy reminds you of your lack of control and ability to plan!) :)

Week 28 - Welcome to the 3rd Trimester!!

2010-02-25T13:35:00.000-08:00

By this week, Baby Ashley weighs in at around two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through the womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world.

It's hard to believe that we're already in the home stretch of the third trimester! However, I have to keep reminding myself, that due dates (Ashley's is May 18th) are based on 40 weeks - but babies are "allowed" to come two weeks before to two week after that date. (if the calculations were right!) So, yes I ONLY have 12 weeks left (now THAT sounds crazy!!) but it could end up being only 10 more or as many as 14 more. But still.... And on the calendar we're technically only 2 months away since she could come any time in May.....wow! Ready or not, here she comes! (in her own time preferably!)

Week 27 - Last week of the 2nd Trimester!!!

2010-02-19T07:00:00.000-08:00

This week, Ashley weighs almost 2 pounds (like a head of cauliflower) and is about 14 1/2 inches long with her legs extended. She's sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing her eyes, and perhaps even sucking her fingers. I've been noticing more of a pattern to her waking hours - versus it just being all day and all night! :) As long as I'm moving, she's pretty content to just float along. But once I settle down for more than a few minutes she's awake and kicking! I really feel it while I'm driving and there's pressure on my belly from the seat belt or my waistband or when I lay down on my left side. She's pretty consistent with where she tickles and I love it every time! I think Katelynn finally felt her move too. There's been a few times I've had her feel but not sure if she really got it. It's really cute when I have her put her hand on my belly because she always bends down and puts her ear close as if to hear her too! She says Ashley is playing hide and seek and then she'll say "Baby! Come out come out wherever you are!" She's such a great big sister already!! She even got out her little playschool dr. kit stethoscope and "listened" to her through my belly. I have to watch her though because she'll come running up to me to kiss, hug, or talk to the baby and she runs right into my belly - ouch!! But it really is cute.

With more brain tissue developing, Ashely's brain is very active now. While her lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with a lot of medical help — if she were born now. I can chalk up any tiny rhythmic movements I might begin to feel to a case of baby hiccups, which should be pretty common from now on. I haven't felt them yet, but looking forward to them! Both girls had lots of hiccups in-utero (more so with Katelynn than Kristen) so I can only expect Ashley to do the same! Each episode usually lasts only a few moments, and they don't bother her, so I'll just relax and enjoy the tickle!

It's amazing how fast - and yet how slow - this pregnancy is going. I'm finally starting to show "enough" that people are making more comments. The other day I wore a shirt that made it look like I was over-due and had lots of comments! :) I think I'll put that shirt away for a while!! ha ha. Next week I am officially in my 3rd Trimester - yieks! It's getting exciting!

Week 25 Baby Update

2010-02-03T21:34:00.000-08:00

Head to heels, your baby now measures about 13 1/2 inches. Her weight — a pound and a half — isn't much more than an average rutabaga, but she's beginning to exchange her long, lean look for some baby fat. As she does, her wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and she'll start to look more and more like a newborn. She's also growing more hair — and if you could see it, you'd now be able to discern its color and texture.

I finally got to the Y this week and started swimming. It was nice to be back in the pool and nice to finally be getting some exercise! (it's been WAY too long!) Although after about 20 minutes my belly had had enough and it was time to get out! Some of those muscles weren't used to being stretched like that. I think Ashley liked it too because I don't think I felt her at all while I was in the pool - of course it wasn't long before she made sure I knew she was there again! She's normally VERY active, which I love! Even at night too, which aside from the lack of sleep, I still love!

One thing I think I forgot to mention from last week: Katelynn is very routine about saying good-bye and says "hug and squeeze!" as she comes to give me a hug. Last week as I was dropping her off for her swim lesson she gave me a "hug & squeeze" and turned to go, but quickly stopped, came back and hugged and kissed my belly and said "bye baby!!" Completely unsolicited! I loved it!!!

24 Weeks down, only 16 to go!

2010-01-26T22:54:00.000-08:00

It's crazy to think I've already been pregnant now for 6 Months! However, more days than not I physically feel like it!! But it's crazy to think I'm only 4 weeks (one month!) away from my third trimester already! Woo-hoo!

I had a fetal echo scan on Monday just to check the baby's heart and give momma a little piece of mind :). I wasn't satisfied with how the routine ultrasound went at 20 weeks and was offered another ultrasound JUST for the heart so I took it. (Kristen's heart defects weren't the kind that show up on routine ultrasounds. Needless to say, if insurance will cover giving me peace of mind (and it doesn't pose a risk for baby, I'm all for it!) Ashley cooperated with the tech - who did an AMAZING job by the way! He was able to get all the shots he needed even with her jumping and turning around, and everything looks and sounds great. It was fun getting to see her move around so much on the screen and feel her at the same time. She measured RIGHT ON to where she should be @ 23 weeks 6 days on Monday. We never had that with Kristen (she always measured behind) and Katelynn's dates were always just a tad behind too so it's always reassuring to hear that my baby is measuring right TO THE DAY! (Granted usually the measurements are within a 1-2 week +/- window, so having them give me that measurement felt so good!)

So here's the update for where Ashely's at now that she's 24 weeks old! :)
Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts her at just over a pound. Since she's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), she cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but her body is filling out proportionally and she'll soon start to plump up. Her brain is also growing quickly now, and her taste buds are continuing to develop and should start working very soon. Her lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help her air sacs inflate once she hits the outside world. Her skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon.

Out of the Rubble (part 2)

2010-01-17T12:15:00.000-08:00

(to read Part 1 first, click here)
I was two and a half years old when Mt. St. Helen's blew. I don't remember any of it but I've been told stories and have read enough to know how impacting it was. I've been to the National Park to see the aftermath now 30 years later and there's no question something HUGE happened there. There are still "mountains" of ash along I-5, most of our parents still have jars of ash stuck away somewhere, and even my promise ring I got as a teenager was an emerald made from Mt. St. Helen's ash. But I don't have to have personal memories of wearing face masks or having the day sky turn dark to know how powerful it was or the kind of devastation it left in its wake. No one had to instill a sense of fear in me to understand the power God has in His creation which would keep me away from volcanoes. And you know what? I live in the shadow of Mt. Rainier (even enjoy being ON the mountain) and rarely think twice about it being a volcano! It's beautiful to me - not scary. And Mt. St. Helen's is now a beautiful monument not a graveyard or wasteland.

Last night (well, early this morning!) I blogged about how God was offering to start removing the rubble and debris that was left from the loss of Kristen so that this new baby would have the light and life it needed to enter this world. I thankfully was able to go back to sleep for 2 hours (most of my blogging happens in the wee hours of the morning when I can't sleep so being able to go back to sleep is SOOO nice!) and in that little nap I had a dream. Lately my dreams haven't been all that encouraging - usually they're about the baby and I either forget that I have one to care for and take with me, forget that I need to feed or change her, or something along those lines. (mainly because I never got to do those things with Kristen because there were nurses and doctors doing that for me.) But in this dream I was holding the baby and waving to Kevin through a big window to bring in Katelynn to meet her. But Katelynn didn't know or understand what was going on because we had kept her from the whole experience "just in case". That's when I realized that it's not just the baby or me & Kevin that God wants to remove the rubble from, but Katelynn too.

We involved Katelynn in every aspect of preparation with Kristen. She was excited! We got clothes out, she came to the baby shower, she helped get the crib ready in her room, we even watch movies and read books about a new baby coming home. So when the baby didn't come home, she was a little confused since she saw her at the hospital. She actually just thought the baby went back into mommy's tummy! But she was 2 and 1/2 and I didn't really expect her to remember too much. We did explain that Baby Kristen went to heaven but the comprehension of that has changed through out the months. So when I woke up from this dream I realized that out of my own self-preservation and fear of the unknown, I was almost robbing Katelynn of that anticipation that she got to experience with Kristen. By not wanting to set the crib up yet, get clothes out or even have a baby shower, I was taking away the elements of anticipation not only for myself (almost intentionally) but for Katelynn as well. She doesn't know that bad things can happen to babies, so why shouldn't waiting for this baby be just as exciting as waiting for Kristen? Just like I don't remember Mt. St. Helen's blowing but I love looking at and living near Mt. Rainer.

As I let myself process the dream I began to realize that I was using my rubble to "protect" Katelynn from something bad happening. She'll be 4 and 1/2 when this baby is born and most likely will remember it. What do I want her to remember? That mommy's tummy got big, she went away and came home with a baby? No. I want her to anticipate and prepare for her new sister. I want her to "make room" in her life. If something bad happens, well...I guess God will have to handle that one -- AGAIN! But I want Kristen to be remembered for the good things and in appropriate ways, I don't want her memory to overshadow and prohibit life from happening. It's one thing to be tentative or have reservations about things, I know what it means to be the 1 in 5,000 to have a baby with T18. But to be scared of anticipating life for fear of death, that's not the life that Christ died for me to have. Or anyone in my family for that matter!

So like I wrote in my first rubble blog - it's up to God how He will remove the bricks and I have to trust He knows what He's doing. I'm just surprised that it's happening so fast and so noticeably! A few months ago I was fearful of doing the basic preparations for the baby. The sting was still there from taking down an empty crib, packing up gifts and putting away the matching outfits I had for the girls to wear in their fist "sibling photos". But God has been softening my heart and brick by brick giving me an anticipation for this little girl without the overshadowing "what if's". Then with the confirmation of gender and getting to really see her on the ultrasound came the realization that this little girl deserves just as much excitement and preparation for her life and entrance into this world as Katelynn and Kristen got. THEN...this dream made me realize that Katelynn should be allowed to anticipate and enjoy the excitement of this new baby too. That out of the ashes we would be able to dust off this pearl and treasure her for what and who she is - NOW. So we decided to name our little girl Ashley Megan. Although "Ashley" officially means from the meadow of the ash trees and "Megan" means little pearl, we like that she's due on Mt. St. Helen's Day (May 18th) and that God is giving us beauty for ashes.

I've been singing Sara Grove's song in my head since I posted it: It's been a hard year, I'm climbing out of the rubble, the lessons are hard, healing changes are subtle. And I feel you here, and you're picking up the pieces, Forever faithful. It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation, but You are able. And in Your hands the pain and hurt, Look less like scars and more like: Character.

Rubble (part 1)

2010-01-17T05:48:00.000-08:00

If you had told me a year ago that I would be posting this I'd say you were crazy. But here I am. Last night at church we prayed for Haiti, as I'm sure (and hope) most churches will do during their services this weekend. But there was more to it. He said as he was praying over the week, having his heart broken for the devastation that has happened and continues to happen to this already "down and out" country, the Lord asked him (and I'm paraphrasing, sorry Roger!) "How are they so different than the people in your own city? Because the rubble and debris is on the outside in Haiti, you see it. But there are people dying and being buried under rubble in their lives everyday. That is the rubble I want to remove, to bring life back to them, not despair under the weight of their circumstances."

Then Roger invited us to put our hands on our hearts and pray together, asking God, inviting God, to remove the rubble in our lives that our circumstances had buried us with. I don't remember all of what we prayed but something changed in me. I realized as we prayed that my hands were no longer above my heart but had slid down to just above my belly. As we prayed over the areas in our lives that we needed a divine rescuing, I got the picture of God setting aside the rubble that is still left from our tragedy with Kristen, almost sweeping off my tummy, to let the new baby (and a new mommy) emerge unhindered by the circumstances that preceded her. He wasn't just throwing the pieces away. He was carefully setting them aside, brick by brick, making a nice pile to the side, in a way saying "we'll come back to that later, but for now, there's life to be had and this rubble is in the way."

Now, don't get me wrong. Kristen is by no means rubble!! But the aftermath that a tragic labor/birth experience and unexpected loss leave is no dust bunny under the sofa either. It's hard to get excited about having a baby like I did with Katelynn and Kristen when you know that bad things happen. Having a baby is more than just gift registries and diapers. I'll admit I haven't wanted to completely "buy in" to the idea that we're having a baby until she's home in my arms. This last week I did a bit more with the ultrasound and finding out she's a girl. But during that prayer time it was like God was wanting to remove the debris of that experience, so that I could have a renewed experience. I've been thinking of this quite a bit and asking a lot of "HOW" questions. How do I do that? How do I not feel like I'm leaving Kristen behind or ignoring who she was and what happened? I don't want people to think I've "moved on" - you never really do. And it keeps coming back to "that's not your responsibility. That's God's specialty."

I watched on the news the people in Haiti clearing out rubble literally brick by brick. And 4.5 years later they're still clearing out and rebuilding after Katrina. Reconstruction doesn't happen overnight. But first things first - clear the way for life to happen. Not sure how God does that, but I know He's able. Below are some lyrics from a songwriting who always seems to speak right to my soul and where I'm at. There are a few lines in the song that I couldn't have written any better and speak to what God does with our rubble. I will always have an external scar from Kristen but I look forward to what God does with the internal ones.

Less Like Scars
by Sara Groves

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
And more like
Character

Week 22 Update (a little late)

2010-01-14T20:10:00.000-08:00

Technically, I "turned" 22 weeks on Monday, but I thought I'd post this anyway, since it's still kinda interesting!
At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, our baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. Her lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and she's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath her gums. Her eyes have formed, but her irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside my womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers her body and the deep wrinkles on her skin, which she'll sport until she adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside her belly, her pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily.

I still haven't had a chance to get the ultrasound photos up yet. Someday....I still have an almost 4 year old to run after and editing photos isn't high on the to-do list! :)

Katelynn Was Right!!!

2010-01-11T16:14:00.001-08:00

Well, it looks like the possibility of us getting a BOY dog in the future is more of a reality in the hopes that Kevin won't feel so left out. We found out today that our new bundle of joy is a GIRL!! I hope to post the photos we got today soon - they're great!

Everyone we talked to or heard/read about us expecting thought we were having a boy except Katelynn. She's said it was a girl from day one. Well, she was right!!

In our two previous pregnancies we were never 100% sure of the gender until the moment we met - this is kinda weird knowing! But fun too! Now we can really work on names, I can really purge the attic of clothes and only keep what we/I really want, and we can stop calling the baby "IT" and say SHE and HER.

Of course, Katelynn is super excited! We took her to the appointment with us since we knew it would be an in-office ultrasound done by the midwife that helped to deliver Katelynn, and she wouldn't mind her being in the room. The baby was really active which was fun for us all to see and Katelynn said she was playing hide-and-seek with how she was coming and leaving the screen! :) Funny how this ultrasound put me more at peace than the "technical" one. I just wanted to see my baby, looking like a baby, acting like a baby. I'm glad she has spleen and healthy liver, but I want to see her suck her thumb or something! We saw her opening and closing her mouth and even got a couple of photos of her kicking, one with the legs up ready to kick, and the 2nd with her legs stretched out. It was fun!

Thank you Jesus for a reassuring appointment and a beautiful look at our new baby daughter!

New blog address for 2010 progress! :)

2010-01-10T11:04:00.001-08:00

I decided not to clutter our family blog with all my "Starting Again in 2010" posts and found out that the address for a new blog was available! Not that I need another blog to keep up (as if two blogs, facebook, my CM website, and 4 e-mail addresses weren't enough!) but I wanted a place to really focus on the progress I want to make with de-cluttering, mothering, meal planning, and all the other areas I want to start again with in 2010. You're more than welcome to follow along!!

http://startingagainin2010.blogspot.com

I want to spruce it up a bit still, but that can come later!

Starting Again in 2010

2010-01-10T07:25:00.001-08:00

With my business background I'm a sucker for a good slogan. :) They stick with you and remind you of their "owner." Well, I've heard of people starting new years with new slogans and mottos to help them get what they want out of the year to come. Call it resolutions, call it whatever you want, it's change and I applaud anyone that at least attempts it because it means they recognized an area in their life where they need/want change and are doing something about it.

Well, I have a new slogan: "Starting Again in 2010." Funny thing is, this didn't even come to light until I started making the changes, it just kinda fit! (I know there's nothing new under the sun, this slogan is all over the internet, but it's new for me and it works!) This is taking on a ton of areas in my life that have needed change or have been in the process, but now the fruit of the effort is beginning to show. Although this is our family's blog, a lot of the changes have to do with my family, so I hope to blog about some of them to help me keep track and to hopefully encourage others to make changes as well. I've had a lot percolating over the last few weeks and have a lot to post so here goes!!

A Tribute to the Invisible Woman

2010-01-07T21:14:00.000-08:00

I had seen this a while ago and was thankful for the reminder when it came around again. I hope you will be encouraged too! I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels invisible once in a while.
(the audio and video are off at a few points, but you can just listen.)

Week 21 - officially past the half way mark!

2010-01-05T23:08:00.000-08:00

I know I've been pretty bad about keep up with the weekly updates - but I figure most people don't keep track of their lives in weeks so missing a few of these won't hurt! If you can believe I'm already at 21 weeks! Technically "full term" is 40 weeks but baby can really come anywhere between 39 and 42. Either way, I've breached the half-way mark and it's going fast! I've only got 7 more weeks of my 2nd trimester and then it's the home stretch!

Here's the latest for the 21 week development update:
The baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. The initial fluttering movements are starting to turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges which is fun to feel. There's not the major development happening like in the first trimester with major organs and such, but they do say that the baby's eyebrows and lids are present now.

Next Monday is a routine check-up with the midwife and she said she'll do an in-office ultrasound to give us a better look at the baby for our own sake and hopefully check on gender. We're not holding our breath on the gender though! :) But we'll keep you posted.

Ultrasound Appointment......Healthy Baby - Ticked off Parents

2009-12-21T21:31:00.000-08:00

Please forgive me - I just need to vent!!

We went in for our 20 week ultrasound today and needless to say we're thrilled to know our baby is healthy, but it was one of the most frustrating & disappointing appointments I've had in a long time. The tech came in (15 minutes late & me with a FULL bladder!) and said "so now what was the situation with your last baby?" I replied that she had Trisomy 18 to which she asked "oh, how did she do? everything come out okay and she survived?" If you know that she existed wouldn't you know a little more to the story!!??? And what a STUPID question!!! Do you not know what T18 is????? Later I read in my chart notes online that it has written (and I quote): had integrated screen, last child with Trisomy 18 and a heart defect. Even if she didn't have the rest of the story in her notes wouldn't you think she'd either #1. find out what happened BEFORE asking. #2. have at least SOME clue what T18 even is!! #3. not ask such a definitive question. or #4. just keep her mouth shut.

I had a similar thing happen at my 6-week check up after Kristen's birth. The nurse didn't know that she had passed away (although isn't it odd to have a mom come in for her 6-week check up without a baby?) And she's going through her list of questions she has to ask and I am getting a feeling she doesn't know the outcome. That assumption is confirmed when she asks the baby's weight at birth and then if I am nursing or formula feeding. I then had to eek out the words. I don't remember what I even was able to say but it obviously took her by surprise and horror. She apologized profusely and then finished the check-in process. The midwife then came in and told me the nurse was crying and felt so horrible about what happened. I asked if it wasn't in my chart and she said it is there, they just didn't know/think to look. Since then I've asked that it be plastered throughout my medical file....apparently that hasn't happened and people are still asking STUPID questions!!

The rest of the ultrasound appointment progressively got worse. She has been doing this for 20 years so she does it all so fast we can't tell what anything is and she never stayed in one place long enough for us to see the baby move much at all.

Then when she was done she leaves and says she'll be back in 10 minutes or less. FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER she walks in with another radiologist. All I can think is -- great - we've been here and done this before! Then get this...she says "this is Dr. So and So and we just wanted to get one more quick look." I ask if something was wrong and she says "oh, everything's fine, we just wanted to take a quick look at the kidneys." Bull-sh*t everything's fine! You don't bring in a second opinion if everything is fine. I told them both that I know it's not good when they have to bring someone else in to take a look, at which the radiologist says "we don't want to do anything to worry you so we thought it's better to take a quick look now instead of having you come back in." So they look at the kidneys and then start looking at the heart. After a number of code-worded conversations I finally ask what is going on and why they're looking at the heart so much. They said it was because they weren't able to get good scans of all the heart's structures before and wanted to try again. But this time the baby has turned and its spine has shadowed its heart and they can't get a good look. The radiologist is leaning over me so I can't see the monitor or what they're looking at and finally she says it's fine and leaves the room.

Needless to say we were a little less than pleased with the visit. We were now 10 minutes late for our midwife appointment upstairs so we booked it up there and got in right away but the midwife was still 10 minutes away from seeing us! (I had called while we were waiting for the tech to return and told them we were going to be late because we were still down in our ultrasound.) I shared my concerns with the midwife and she helped us to understand where some of what happened had come from. Because of our excperience with Kristen, they wanted to be 100% sure they checked everything really well this time. And since the tech has been doing this for so long she knows when she needs a 2nd pair of eyes to look at something. That's also why she went so fast through most of it, because she's been doing this for so long it's "normal for her". Sorry - it's not normal for US!!!! You better believe I'll be contacting radiology AGAIN tomorrow to let them know how our appt went! I had to do it last time with one of Kristen's appointments too. Not only do I not appreciate being treated like an ignorantly-bliss 1st time parent who only cares about gender, but I don't like being lied to either nor do I appreciate them treating my appointment so insignificantly. They may do this 100 times a day - BUT I DON'T! This is my baby we're talking about here!! Give me 5 seconds to just look at it move for goodness sake!! Will it kill ya to have an ounce of bed-side manner!!?

So, yes the baby looks good and ultimately that is really what mattered. We still don't know gender yet, its legs were crossed - just like ALL our babies have done!! We unfortunately didn't really even get any good scan photos like we did with Katelynn. I mentioned that to our midwife too and she said that she'd do an in-office scan next time and see if we can't get a good photo of the baby AND maybe check gender. So that's one good thing that came out of that appointment.

But all in all, the baby has none of the signs that Kristen had. Our midwife even showed us comparisons of their ultrasounds (gotta love technology!) and it was amazing the difference there is between a T-18 baby and a healthy baby! Thank you Jesus!

The most dangerous cake recipe in the world

2009-12-09T15:40:00.000-08:00

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
A small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug(MicroSafe)

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well.
Add the egg and mix thoroughly.
Pour in the milk and oil and mix well.
Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.
The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!
Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.
EAT ! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).

And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world?
Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

What's up with the In-Laws?

2009-12-09T12:32:00.001-08:00

The other night while reading to Katelynn her preschool Bible, we got to the story about Christmas and I was struck by something. I am still kind of amazed that I had never thought about it before and that it never occurred to me in all my years of hearing the same Christmas story. I would love any input from anyone that reads this that may know something I don't. I took a number of classes in college that had to do with Judaism, and from what I know of the culture, this just seems really odd to me.

Here's an excerpt from the Message Luke chapter 2:1-5

^1-5About that time Caesar Augustus ordered a census to be taken throughout the Empire. This was the first census when Quirinius was governor of Syria. Everyone had to travel to his own ancestral hometown to be accounted for. So Joseph went from the Galilean town of Nazareth up to Bethlehem in Judah, David's town, for the census. As a descendant of David, he had to go there. He went with Mary, his fiancée, who was pregnant.

So here's Joseph traveling to a different city simply because that's where his family is from. His fiancee (who is believed to be very young) is away from her own family, experiencing pregnancy for the first time, is unmarried and ready to have a baby any minute and there's no place for them to stay. I could understand that if they were traveling to some unfamiliar city or town...but shouldn't Joseph have family in Bethlehem? Another translation said he went there because it was the hometown of his ancestry. Weren't there ANY people in that town that were relatives that would have taken them in? I mean, really! They were planning on staying in an inn when she's about to have a baby!! From what I've studied and learned over the years, family is very important in the Jewish culture. I couldn't imagine going to a town that your family is supposed to be from and not having family to stay with. And this is assuming that Joseph was an only child and sole survivor of his family. Weren't his parents or siblings there? They'd have to be there for the census if they too were of the line of David. I know growing up my parents would open up our house to anyone passing through town. We lived along I-90 and lots of our family was from Montana, so I-90 was a common route for them. There were times people were sleeping on air mattresses on the floor because there weren't any more beds. And if they weren't home, they'd arrange for the friends/family to stay at our house anyway! But when we'd hear that family passed through and stayed at a hotel and we didn't even know it, we found it kinda odd. Just like I find it odd that Joseph hadn't arranged to stay with family....knowing his "wife" was going to have a baby any day! Maybe he was just as naive as Mary was! :)

Then it hit me. Was it because Mary was pregnant and they weren't yet married? Were they such social outcasts in their own families that even the women of the family would let (force) this presumably scared little girl go have her baby - most likely unassisted - in a cave with animals hanging around? Granted having a baby back then was a little different than it is now, but c'mon! Maybe it's just my western culture speaking here, but what a way for Mary's new in-laws to welcome her to the family!! But I guess that's how the story had to play out. If you have any insight or references to this little in-law scenario, I'd love to hear it! Thanks!

Then on a totally different side note - I love the photos that our culture has created to portray the new family. I wish I looked half that good after giving birth!! Not to mention I'm INSIDE and COMFORTABLE, PREPARED for a birth, have birth professionals around (whether at a home birth or hospital), and probably not wearing the same clothes I just traveled and/or gave birth in!! But I guess we have to leave some reality out of Christmas, don't we. It just wouldn't make the same sentiment on a Christmas card without some artistic interpretation.

Either way, Happy Birthday Jesus!!

-Tara

The Results Are In!!

2009-12-02T09:29:00.001-08:00

I just got the call from UW with our integrated screen results and they look GREAT!

Before the test our chances of T18 were: 1 in 5,300
After the test our chances are: 1 in 20,000!!!

Before the test our chances of Down Syndrome (T21) were: 1 in 530
After the test our chances are: 1 in 19,000!!

Then the test showed our chances of spina bifida are: 1 in 1,800

If you ask me, those are beautiful numbers!! Granted we know what being that ONE is like, but we have no reason to worry at this time about the health of our baby. What a great feeling!
Then on Monday at my check-up the baby had a great heartbeat and was really active. I still haven't been able to feel anything, which was a little worrysome. But while she was trying to listen to the heartbeat, the baby kept moving away from the doppler! She assured me the baby is doing JUST FINE!! :)

The Pink Glove Dance

2009-12-01T09:42:00.000-08:00

If you liked the "Wedding Dance" or the "Union Station Dance", you might enjoy this!!
I love that they thought of everyone!! And that's a LOT of pink gloves!!
(Thanks Patti for posting it first!)

Week 15 - This is Amazing!!

2009-11-24T09:23:00.001-08:00

We're already at Week 15!! No real movements felt just yet, but I'm sure they're coming. I wanted to share a link to some AMAZING videos for the various stages of the baby's development. Here's the link to 15 to 20 weeks, you can click on other time frames if you want.

This week Baby Balcom measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple). He's busy moving amniotic fluid through his nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in his lungs begin to develop. His legs are growing longer than his arms now, and he can move all of his joints and limbs. Although his eyelids are still fused shut, he can sense light. If we shine a flashlight at my tummy, for instance, he's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for the baby to taste at this point, but he is forming taste buds.
Finally, we will have an ultrasound the week of Christmas, so we still have a bit of a wait to find out whether your baby's a boy or a girl! (Don't be too disappointed if it remains a mystery, though. We have a history of modest babies! Besides, nailing down the baby's gender depends on the clarity of the picture and on the baby's position. He or she may be modestly curled up or turned in such a way as to "hide the goods.") But we'll be sure to share once we know!

Seasons of Change Part 2 - Year 4

2009-11-05T15:53:00.000-08:00

I'm not consistent with many things but I am glad I've kept up with these photos!!
(If you want to see last year's post with these photos click here.)

Magical Night of Giving at the SuperMall - I have tickets available!!

2009-11-05T12:29:00.000-08:00

My MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group is selling tickets to the SuperMall's "Magical Night of Giving" happening on Sunday November 15th.
Each year, SuperMall hosts Magical Night of Giving, their official kick-off to the holiday season and an opportunity for guests to enjoy an evening of exclusive savings throughout the mall, prize giveaways and holiday entertainment. SuperMall joins with local non-profit organizations that support this community event by selling tickets, for which they keep 100% of the profits.
The tickets are only $5 each and our MOPS group will receive 100% of that. If you're interested in attending this event (you must have a ticket to attend!) please contact me to let me know.
Here are the other details:
Magical Night of Giving 2009
Sunday, November 15th
6:30pm - 10:30pm
Thank you for your support and I hope you enjoy the event!!

Week 12 and a few thoughts about pregnancy

2009-11-01T10:46:00.001-08:00

Okay, so it's 2 days before the baby is "officially" 12 weeks old, but I have time now and may not on Tuesday! Below is are some fun details about where the baby is in development so far.

Tomorrow we will be heading up to University of Washington Medical Center for a special ultrasound scan of the baby. It's called an NT Scan or Nuchal Translucency scan where they check the thickness of the baby's neck where the nuchal folds are forming. It's a simple ultrasound that can only be done between weeks 10 and 13 and the data can then be used as part of an equation later, so I opted to go ahead and do it now. Doesn't mean we have to use the information later, but I'd rather get it while I can!! And how fun to get to see more images of the baby! :) And since it's just an ultra sound, the baby doesn't get bothered at all. If you're curious, here's some information about it.

And just to let our readers know, since I know many of you have wondered but not asked: What are the chances of this baby having any problems? Our chances are the same as they were with Katelynn! We are back into the same "risk pool" of having anything wrong with this baby as any other normal healthy pregnancy. Kristen's condition was a genetic abnormality - which means at the moment of conception, her chromosomes were already having issues. There was nothing that could have been done to prevent it, and there's nothing that can be done to replicate it. (scientists are trying all the time to do both!!) There have been NO recorded cases of T18 families having a subsequent T18 baby. We all go back into the "general population" and have the same chances of having anything else happen with the baby - and just the same chances of having a HEALTHY BABY....just like Jane Doe down the street.

I know that there are some people that are all freaked out that something else will happen with this baby - welcome to our world with a lack innocence. If that fear makes you pray for us, then thanks for the prayers!! But please don't remain in that fear. I rest in the fact that God knew our babies (past, present and future) before He made the earth. He's in control of what happens to them. He knows exactly what our family can (or can't) handle and I know that I have very little I can or can't do to "control" this pregnancy. Although I don't have the "pregnancy bliss" that many moms get to experience, I have no reason NOT to expect a healthy baby next May!!

Yes, I will still do some of the prenatal scans and tests but not out of fear, more or less out of routine! I guess that is one silver lining from Kristen's pregnancy. I had a pretty normal pregnancy with her - it was the birth that was traumatic. So this pregnancy, I don't really have any issues with being pregnant. I've never had issues with pregnant women around me. I do however, have some minor issues with baby showers before a baby is born - just that lack of innocence I guess. There are a number of other T18 moms that knew of their baby's T18 condition during the 1st trimester and lived with the fear of losing their baby the whole pregnancy. Every Dr. visit was spent wondering what the bad news would be that time. So now with their next pregnancy, they are reliving that fear. We didn't have that with Kristen. Yeah, we had a few no-too-great results from appointments, but nothing that stopped us in our tracks. So this time around, I am not relating this baby to Kristen in a bad way because there wasn't much about her pregnancy that was bad. The morning sickness is a little worse, but other than that - this is a whole new pregnancy, a whole new baby, a whole new experience for all of us!!

So, on that note! Here's what's up with Baby Balcom in the 12th week?!?!

By this week, our baby is about two to two-and-a-half inches long (keep in mind that, after week 11, growth rates can vary a lot), and could be cradled snugly in a soup spoon. His or her brain's basic structure is now in place, and brain mass is growing all the time.

Several important digestive functions begin around this week. The pancreas begins to produce insulin, a hormone that regulates blood sugar levels. The liver starts to secrete bile, a thick greenish fluid stored in the gall bladder that helps the body digest fats.

Though still not quite "cute," our baby is starting to look more like a person now. The bridge of the nose and the jawbones are starting to create the familiar outlines of a human face. Inside the mouth, folded tissues come together to make the palate, or roof of the mouth. Fingernails emerge from their nail beds.

As we move into the second trimester, baby shifts into the growth and maturation stage. After weeks in the critical development stage, almost all of baby's systems are fully formed. (Amazing!!)

Just add water and sunshine....

2009-10-16T22:47:00.000-07:00

They say things grow faster with a little sunshine and lots of water - well, we have both of those in abundance here in Maui and look what happened!!!

We actually stopped at Wal-Mart to get some materiny shorts and they don't carry maternity clothes! So we found Old Navy had a good sale on shirts....no shorts. But I guess in a week I won't need them anyway!!
Thankfully I haven't been feeling too bad. Definitely feeling pregnant, and now looking like it too!!!

HAWAI'I!!!

2009-10-09T11:38:00.001-07:00

We have just a few minues post a few photos. We're having a great time and looking forward to the laid back side of Maui!!

Baby's First Photo!!

2009-10-06T16:18:00.001-07:00

Well, there is just one baby in there and it's looking healthy so far! Good, strong heartbeat and measuring right on cue for a mid-May entrance - or should I say exit? :)

Week 8 - Our Litle Kidney Bean

2009-10-06T10:53:00.000-07:00

New this week: Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from our little baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. Although we may be daydreaming and wondering if it's a boy or girl (or both!), the external "proof" still hasn't developed enough to reveal whether we're having a boy or a girl. Either way, our baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though I still can't feel it.

We have some appointments scheduled for when we get back from vacation at which point we should know for sure if there's one or two babies! We'll keep you posted!

Week 7 - Our little blueberry!

2009-09-29T08:33:00.001-07:00

The big news this week: Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny, pudgy extremities you're daydreaming about holding and tickling. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of her tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. Your baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry.

And in true form, I did start getting a little bit of morning sickness. Just like with both girls, it starts out with what I called "car sickness". Although, "morning sickness" would be a dream instead of afternoon sickness, evening sickness, midnight sickness, morning sickness, mid-morning sickness, mid-afternoon sickness, early evening sickness, pre-meal and post-meal sickness....well, you get the idea. So far so good, considering I feel this way because I'm being used to create a life! How awesome is that!!!

Katelynn sharing with the world

2009-09-20T20:33:00.000-07:00

we aren't sure who Katelynn has already told this to so we thought it was time to post it!
Sorry if you didn't hear in person!

Update on the Corn!!

2009-09-07T16:38:00.000-07:00

There's so much we want to make sure it's all taken!

Yellow Sweet Corn: $1/dozen!!

Come to our house on Tuesday to get it. We get our bread delivery on Tuesdays after 4pm, so you can come after that if you want to get both! Otherwise, just let me know when you want to stop by how many you want! (bring some plastic bags, too, as I'll probably run out!!) :)

Passing the savings on to you - Tara style! :)

2009-09-05T22:53:00.000-07:00

Interested in some fresh corn? My parents are coming over from Spokane tomorrow and just picked a ridiculous amount before they left (they have a farm and sell it locally). Some of it is smaller - great kid sized. It'd be nice to sell it in dozens if possible - 12/$3 and you'd probably get a few more than that of the smaller ones. Just call, e-mail or FB me and let me know if you're interested. You'll be able to pick it up at our house probably on Monday or Tuesday. -- And FYI - it can be frozen! Last year we froze it on the cob, but this year we're going to cut it off and freeze it as kernels.

Anyone interested in joining a few of us to buy parchment paper (for baking) in bulk? It is excellent for baking cookies, cakes, breads or pizza, making candy, frozen desserts, seafood, poultry and meats. It works great to cover foods in the microwave. Professional bakers and cooks use it all the time. They have it at Cash & Carry in a box of 1000 sheets - but they're "industrial cookie sheet size", so one sheet would cover 2 regular cookie sheets. (**see below for more details about using parchment I found on a great website**)

Check this out:

Renyold's Wrap Parchment at the store (on sale!) $3 for 30 square feet = $.10/sf
Cash & Carry Parchment $35 for 1000 sheets (approx. 17" x 25") 2772 square feet = $.01/sf.

Yeah, A PENNY A SQUARE FOOT compared to TEN CENTS A SQUARE FOOT for the stuff at the store!

But obviously, I'd never need 1000 sheets of the stuff, so I'm seeing if anyone else wants to go in with me and save a bunch of money!! I already have about 4 of us, but thought I'd throw it out there and see if there'd be any others? It's about 4 cents a sheet. (two cents per cookie sheet sure beats the heck out of scrubbing pans!!)

If you're interested in this please let me know. We're hoping to do it before Wednesday (9/9).

**What is baking/cooking parchment and why use it?**

Have you ever wondered how bakeries and restaurants manage their huge baking needs? They use this product because it doesn't stick (it's coated on both sides), it is economical (you don't need shortenings or sprays), it is labor friendly (just toss it away after an afternoon of baking) and flexible (cut it to your pan size). Each sheet is 16 3/8 x 24 3/8, large enough to cover two standard size cookie sheets.

Not only can you use it for baking, you can use it to provide a stick free surface when freezing meats (between hamburgers for example) or baked goods, or use it to line pans for messy jobs such as barbeque chicken.

It is an energy saver (yours and the utility's). Get an extra batch of cookies ready for the oven and do the old switcheroo when they come out of the oven.

Put a piece down on the countertop when cutting frozen or homemade pizza to catch the grease. Or use it to line your microwave to catch spills. You get the idea.

Our Big Preschooler's First Day of School

2009-09-03T21:15:00.001-07:00

My, what a difference a year makes!! I didn't even realize she had the same sweater on!!

Has it really been a year?

2009-08-29T06:38:00.001-07:00

Hard to believe a year has already flown by! Some moments it feels like just yesterday that we were taking a photo of the three of us just before we headed off to be induced. Yet, other moments seem like it was a lifetime away....well, I guess it really was. The external scars have healed for the most part and the internal ones still need plenty of tending to. We each do that differently, and everyday it looks a little different. But we know that God is faithful to complete the good work He has begun, it's just not on our timeline! :)

I wanted to thank everyone that has been contacting us one way or another this weekend. Whether through visits, calls, e-mails, facebook, cards or prayer, it is all appreciated. And thank you as well to those that have remembered throughout the year and have encouraged us to talk about Kristen and remind us that she's not forgotten (or nor are we and what we still feel everyday.)

We decided not to do anything "extravagant" to remember her on her first earthly birthday and her first heavenly birthday. We're planning on going to the ocean, just the three of us (and Libby!) and all of us are looking forward to that. I made the mistake of telling Katelynn we were going to the ocean for Kristen's birthday. She replied, "oh that will be so fun, and I'll hold her 'cuz she's so tiny!" I explained to her that Kristen was in Heaven now, "in the sky with God?" she asked, and I told her yes.

She has been extremely observant lately and it has been really interesting how she incorporates Kristen into her life. There is a hospital being remodeled in Puyallup and she always asks what the cranes are doing and we tell her they're building a hospital and for the most part that ends the topic. Sometimes she'll add something about how that's where babies are. Well, the other day we were driving within sight of the hospital and this was our conversation (more or less):

Out of no where she says, "hey Mommy, look there's a hospital....how come daddy cried at the hospital?"
"Well, he was sad about baby Kristen."
"Why?"
"Because she was really sick. We're sad when you get sick too."
"And she has owies?"
"Not anymore. Remember, she's in heaven with God now and doesn't have anymore owies, she's all better now."
"Oh." "Heaven up in the sky, with God?"
"Yep. Up high like the mountains." (sometimes she thinks if she jumps "high" that she'll be as high as heaven too. :) So I wanted to be sure I clarified that one!)
"And she's so cute." (that's when she makes the action of holding something the size of a quarter cupped in her hands.) "Oh Mommy! Look! There's a plane!" (If you've ever seen the movie "Up" these are total "SQUIRREL!" moments that happen with lots of things!) :)

I am so thankful for Katelynn and how it is never odd for her to talk about Kristen. We were told in the beginning when we were fearful of what to tell her, that she would ask questions according to her level of understanding and that we just need to answer her question, not give her more info that what she is asking for. It's been in the last few months that I have realized that we'll get the privilege of doing this for the rest of her life. A privilege I am honored to have! Not only do I enjoy telling Katelynn about her sister, but I love hearing Kristen's name spoken without reservation like she does.

Thank you again to everyone that reads our blog. Sorry it hasn't been updated in so long. I have tons of fun things to post here with great photos, just haven't made the time yet. I've been trying to work on my personal blog a bit and of course keep up with Facebook! :) But I hope to get more posted to our family blog soon. Until then.......
-Tara

Orphans Deserve Better

2009-07-09T09:50:00.000-07:00

Those that know me know that I DO NOT like freaky movies and I just stay clear of them. But when I heard what kind of negative impact the new movie "Orphan" was going to have on the millions of orphans world-wide, I decided to act.

Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked. ~ Psalm 82:3-4

I encourage you to sign the online petition with me. Below is what the petition says so you have an idea of what I'm talking about. Hollywood has it's own version of perverse reality and I don't want it to distort and sell-short the true reality of the orphans in our world.

http://orphansdeservebetter.com/
Mr. Barry Meyer, Chairman and CEO
Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.

Dear Mr. Meyer,

We desire to express together—respectfully but firmly—that the portrayal of orphans conveyed by the Warner Brothers film Orphan is both misleading and unhelpful to the millions of children growing up without families today.

The film delivers a distorted picture of the difficulty and pain these children often carry. It also sells short the great love they so often return to those who reach out to them with care and compassion.

We assume you did not intend this, and we recognize that the film could be described as merely a far-fetched thriller. But the power of such a film to subtly shape attitudes and perspectives remains. In that regard, the movie Orphan does no favors to the many children who share its name.

For the sake of the world’s more than 140 million orphans, people deserve to know better. They should have an honest understanding of the deep needs orphans face—as well as the satisfaction and beauty that can be found in embracing orphans as a mentor or adoptive family, foster parent or nonprofit volunteer.

We urge you to take steps to help convey this message robustly, just as its opposite was conveyed through the film—perhaps as a message following the film. In addition, given that the profits from this film will likely come at some expense to orphans, we encourage you to contribute a portion of those profits to aid orphans across America and around the world.

We respectfully await your response.

Signed,
Tara Balcom

Growing like a weed!!

2009-07-07T23:01:00.001-07:00

Katelynn had gotten this growth chart for her 1st birthday and I hadn't put it up until Christmas time...Then, out of sight, out of mind. Then the other day I realized we hadn't done it in a long time so I had her go stand by the door so I could measure her......WOW!! An inch and a half in 5 months!! No wonder her clothes are getting short! :) Of course, if you see in the 2nd photo down, she had grown almost an inch in just 2 months before her birthday!!!

She was trying to not see the flash, so she'd close her eyes.....

Then I finally caught one before she could put her hand up and block the flash! :) What a cutie!!

However, I don't think any of our kids will have a hope of being less than average height. The photo below was taken at a family reunion on my dad's side, in May. Everyone in this photo is a blood relative, except my mom. She was put in the photo for "height perspective." (for those that don't know, she's average height.) And if I'm not mistaken, the lady on the far right in the pink was Miss Tall USA when she was in college. :) Add to that, the height on Kevin's side...Yeah, our kids don't have a chance of being short! :)